Wednesday, July 27, 2016

63dpo 11w3d - Still waiting

I figure today would be the absolute earliest I would get an email with the NIPT results and it won't be until later in the day because of the time difference to the States.  But really I'm not expecting it today. I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about the results. Because I did not do PGS testing, I have the standard chances of the fetus having chromosomal abnormalities. Because the age of the egg was 38 or 39 as opposed to my current age of 41, there are slightly better odds but they are still not great.

Apparently the risk of Down Syndrom is between 1/175 and 1/137.  The risk of any chromosomal abnormality is between 1/102 and 1/83. Now of course many of those random abnormalities cause
miscarriages or a lack of development.  I know that little squidge is developing at the right pace, so I think my odds are slightly better for the general chromosomal abnormalities, but perhaps not for Down Syndrome.  I'm really not sure. And while I wouldn't be confident of winning a draw with those odds, it's not so large that I feel confident I won't get the short straw.

At any rate, the fact is that the genetic makeup of the squidge is already established and all that is happening now is that I am waiting to find out what it is.  Worrying makes no difference. I'm just impatient.

My body continues to subtly change. Mostly now I feel constantly bloated or 'full'. I can tell that I am fuller above my belly button, towards my lower rib cage, or at least that there is pressure there. It's not obvious to anyone else other than me, and mostly I notice because of the pressure feeling. I think I still have a way to go before I properly show or anything like that.

I managed to start a conversation with the boyfriend last night which although inconclusive was progress. I know that he's really still not come to terms with what this pregnancy means for him, or how he thinks about it. I stressed that how it feels to me is that he is tolerating my pregnancy, and that tolerating it is not really going to fly in the longer term. He insisted that was not how he felt, but then it was also clear that he's still conflicted. I think he worries that he will become attached to my child, but that I could 'disappear' with the child at any time. Of course this could happen in general, and there are no guarantees in life. It's something he needs to mentally come to terms with. But at least we are talking about it, and there is still time.

In completely unrelated news, I still have a wicked bruise on my left arm from the blood drawn at my GP's office almost two weeks ago now. I've started taking some iron supplements because although they did not call me to say that I'm anemic, I cant' think of any other reason why the bruises are fading so slowly.

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