IVF 1 - Day 32 9dp6dt 4w4d

After tomorrow which is the 'official' testing day, I'm going to change the heading to reflect days past ovulation (currently 15dpo) and pregnancy weeks for simplicity's sake.  It's good to know both, I think, and I can't keep calling this IVF 1!

Tested positive again this morning.  The good thing about my cheap eBay strips is that they are showing continual progression.  Today was clearer than  yesterday.  I think I will continue to take them to give myself some confidence that my hCG levels are rising since I can't get the blood tests to otherwise show it.  It's actually a fairly useful way to measure an increase, although obviously I can't tell by how much.

Still having a bit of brown spotting.  Not much, mostly watery and only on the toilet paper wipe.  I'm also having a bit of 'tightness' on my right side where my ovary is.  I am of course now worried that it could mean an ectopic pregnancy.  On the other hand, without a period to 'reset' the ovary post stimulation, it may still just be recovering from being enlarged.  I'm not sure.  This is something an ultrasound would potentially be able to tell me.  But I don't see how I can get one unless something starts to go really wrong.

I called my clinic today which is a day early to report the positives.  I also called because it said in the take home information sheet that if you have a positive test and spotting you should call immediately. I'm still not overly concerned with the amount of spotting I'm seeing- it's not increasing and is now always brown.  But I thought I'd call them anyway.  They arranged an order for more progesterone/Cyclogest.  They were going to send 3 boxes of 15 and I asked for 4.  I don't think the extra progesterone hurts, and it seems more standard to go to week 9 or 10 from others so I asked for an extra box which should get me to week 9.  It wasn't particularly expensive.  I'll need to update the budget.  I guess I'll keep updating the budget until a baby is hopefully born.  I'm also still waiting for the bill for the assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing.

It's really weird because basically my clinic now releases me to the NHS for care.  I feel like this is very quick and that other clinics in other countries continue with the patient until the first scan and then release them.  This means that other than the progesterone, I've got nothing else to do but wait for a letter containing information about my first scan which should be around week 7-8.  I guess there isn't anything else that I can be doing, because what will be will be, it just seems a rather sudden drop off a cliff. I've been so used to constant appointments and 'hand holding' that now I just feel a bit adrift.

I'm sure this will change though.

I'm also still in the 'I can't believe it' stage.  This is helped by the fact that I'm not feeling anything physically.  First trimester symptoms start to occur when the hCG really surges (and then tapers off) so I'm clearly not there yet.  It's so surreal.

IVF 1 - Day 31 8dp6dt 4w3d

This morning, my cheap Ebay test strip had a faint squinter line visible on it.  The First Response test was again positive.  Looks like hCG levels must be rising, and so far I'm positive.  At 4 weeks 3 days it's still very early.  It's 14 days past ovulation.  There's a lot that can go wrong in the next few weeks.

I can't believe it yet.  I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy.  I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps.  But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.

I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me.  I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be.  Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided.  I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments.  If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it.  I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard).  I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.

However, a positive test is a positive test.  So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.

Holy shit.

I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result.  I'm not a superstitious kind of person.  In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy.  First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is.  The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents.  Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want!  And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus.  So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong.  And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.

IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt OMG OMG OMG

IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt

Still negative this morning.  Still no period.

I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately.  I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK.  Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure.  I still assume it will be negative.  I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k.  Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!

Budget update:

Previous total	£12588
Private beta hCG blood test	£134
New total	£12722

IVF 1 - Day 29 6dp6dt

Another day, another negative.  I am finding this wait much harder than the IUI wait because I know there was a fertilized embryo there.  With IUI you don't know if the sperm ever met the egg, if it fertilized or what.  But this is different.  And definitely more difficult.

Online reading is unhelpful.  A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested).  On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt).  This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison.  However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test.  Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test.  But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test).  I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time.  So maybe longer hCG buildup time?

Still, the waiting is awful.  I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower.  But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in.  Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost?  I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it.  Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it.  I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?

I don't know.  My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign.  Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period.  My last cycle was particularly late I think.  So it's not currently a useful indicator.  It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.

For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.

Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work.  I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch.  I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.

IVF 1 - Day 28 5dp6dt

Three days of testing, three negative tests. Still early for sure, but getting less early. I was in the pharmacy yesterday and was tempted to buy a brand name early response test as opposed to my eBay sticks. In the end I didn't, mainly because they had a buy one get one free but only one left. I might go back today to see if they restocked, or I could just keep doing what I'm doing. The outcome won't change, although my awareness might.

I feel nothing at all physically. The progesterone/cyclogest is going fine and I've taken them regularly, 8am & 8pm. The vaginal itching seems to have subsided, thankfully!!

Based on nothing but three too early tests and a lack of feeling anything physical at all, I think the transfer didn't stick and I am not pregnant. But I will obviously keep going, with the official clinic provided test on Friday. Just starting to prepare mentally for the disappointment. At least I have three embryos on ice.

IVF 1 - Day 23 Transfer complete

Back from the clinic.  The transfer went very smoothly with minimal discomfort.  I got a few blurry pictures of the blastocyst on the screen before the transfer.  I may try to get one of those off the phone and onto here later.  The procedure itself was relatively simple.  I changed into a hospital gown, went to the treatment room, hopped up on the table.  They cleaned me and inserted a speculum, cleaned the cervix and then put a catheter just through the cervix.  Then they let the embryology team know they are ready and the embryologist loads a small catheter with the embryo and solution.  This is then threaded through the catheter in the womb opening and further up into the uterus.  The plunger is depressed and you can actually see a little white spot on the ultrasound forming where the fluid (and embryo) come out.  The catheters are then removed.  The embryologist then thoroughly checks their catheter to ensure that the embryo didn't get stuck to it anywhere (as they're very sticky at this stage) and if you're given the all clear then they remove the speculum and that's it.  I was given the all clear.  They did warn me that sometimes the embryo gets stuck and they have to reload it and do it again, but luckily that didn't happen.

In the end, I decided to transfer the one blastocyst from the frozen egg.  It had actually been the second best blastocyst (I got that wrong) in the morning but by noon, it was the same quality as the other that emerged faster.  Both were already hatching, so that was all promising.  The reason I decided on one was due to the risk factors of multiples and also that the success rate chances for the frozen egg is better because it's younger.  If it doesn't take and I need to do a frozen embryo transfer, then I may rethink the strategy of how many I put back.

Because.... the two slow emergers from this morning developed into full good quality blastocysts by the afternoon!!  Completely unexpected!  I was really shocked by this news.  So in the end, with 8 fresh eggs collected and 2 frozen eggs successfully thawed, I ended up with 4 good quality blastocysts; 1 from the frozen eggs and 3 from the fresh.  Those are pretty good statistics so I'm very happy with the numbers.  Of course I'll be even more happy with a successful pregnancy, but it seems like a good starting point.  So if this transfer doesn't work, I have 3 embryos to work with.  All in all, a good result.

The clinic gave me a pregnancy test and said that I need to test in 10 days.  I will of course be peeing on sticks well before that.  If today is day 6, then the earliest you could get a pregnancy read is day 8/9.  So I'll give it a few days and probably start testing in the morning like I did before.  Until the 'right' day when I will use the test they gave me.

So that's where I'm at.  Exciting and terrifying.  As usual.

IVF 1 - Day 23 6 Day report and transfer

So the good news is that two of the morulas have emerged to be good blastocysts.  One is from one of the frozen eggs (the leading blastocyst rated good/very good which is partially emerging/hatching) and the other is from the fresh collection (rated good/good).  Two more emerged but have yet to re-inflate so are considered slow growers and perhaps not good for freezing.  Two failed to emerge. This means I am going for a transfer today!

When I was speaking to the embryologist this morning she dropped into our conversation something about transferring two.  I have been reasonably comfortable with the idea of transferring one.  I was a bit surprised that she assumed I would transfer two as my clinic is very much against increasing the risk of multiples and makes a big deal about transferring one.  So I am struck with a conundrum.  Do I transfer one or two?  I can wait until the transfer to decide which is exactly 2 hours away.  I texted a good friend of mine who has undergone many many IVF cycles (15?).  Her first pregnancy was with twins and it did not end happily.  It was a complicated pregnancy (she is tiny) where she delivered prematurely.  One of the babies had problems and was in the NICU for months before finally succumbing to his issues.  While she's been very aggressive about fertility treatment, she says that she would never suggest to anyone to put back more than one now.

The balance is this - as you get older, your chance of successful live birth go down rapidly due to non-viability issues.  If they transfer two, your risk of multiples goes up.  Basically you are playing a game with weighing the risk of multiples against increasing your chances for one healthy baby.  If you do one at a time, you are looking at financial, time, and emotional costs.  If you transfer two, you run the risk of a multiple pregnancy which is higher risk and could result in various complications including increasing your chance of miscarriage.  Basically, for women under 38 they only recommend one but as you get older, the viability issue creeps up and up making it balance out to suggest that they are more comfortable with two.

I have the added complication that the leading embryo is not from 41 year old me but from 38 or 39 year old me, so right on the cusp.  Maybe if it was two 41 year old embryos, I'd feel differently.  But I'm nervous.  I do not want twins.  I am prepared to raise a single child.  I will obviously make due if I get identical twins.  But I do not need to do anything to increase my risks of multiples because it would make life incredibly difficult.

So I'm leaning towards the one and freezing the other.  The clinic says they have a 90-95% success rate with thawing embryos, so it's very likely that if this one doesn't take I can do a frozen embryo transfer.  If that one doesn't take, I can do all of this over again.  It's not like I have so many embryos to freeze.  We're talking about one frozen embryo transfer before I'd have to start anew if this one doesn't take.

So I think I'm leaning towards transferring the one, but I will definitely talk to the doctor when I'm at the clinic later to make the final decision.  I'm not against it if they think it's a very good idea.  But I definitely do not want to increase my risk of twins by much at all.

Very excited about the transfer today.  Still can't really believe it.  Still very nervous that it's just going to be negative results.  Trying not to be too hopeful but maintain positivity.

IVF 1 - Day 22 5 day report

The short version: the transfer will hopefully be tomorrow, another day of waiting ahead.

The longer version:

So this morning I was waiting for the phone call.  It didn't come at 9am so I started to get nervous.  I think the phone finally rant around 9:30.  It seemed like forever.  I was particularly feeling anxious because another woman on the SMC forum who was trying this month had 6 day 3 embryos that all arrested on day 4.  So I knew that this could happen, and I was worried I was going to get a call that said there was nothing to come in for.

The embryologist called to tell me that all six zygotes were successfully given laser assisted hatcing on Saturday, and all six have transformed into morulas.  A morula is a transformational stage where the embryo moves from a collection of equal cells to differentiated cells. Not all embryos emerge out of the morula stage, so it could still be that tomorrow there is nothing.  The embryologist was cautiously hopeful though that all 6 made it to morula stage; he said that he didn't expect them all to reach even that far.  So it's not great, because it means they're all a bit slow, but it's also not bad.  Yet.  So, more waiting.

This weekend I've been feeling somewhat emotional.  I don't know if it's due to hormones or what.  My friend came to visit Saturday/Sunday and brought her 22 month old son.  We had a good time, and I enjoyed having them here but I started to wonder what I'm getting myself into.  On the one hand it all seems reasonable, and then on the other hand it's completely overwhelming and terrifying.  I know that it is probably overwhelming and terrifying for everyone who has a child, single parent or no.  Still, I just felt emotional about it.  Am I really prepared for this?  Am I really capable of doing it?  I think these fears are normal.  I'm not overly worried about it, I just had a surge for some reason.

I also think that I might enjoy the baby stage, and I may enjoy post potty training, but I may not love the toddler stage.  I could be wrong.  And I assume everything is always different when it's your kid.  It's one thing to have a strange child in my home getting into everything versus a child who lives here who is used to my home and for whom the home is properly arranged.  I mean, your own kids for sure get into everything, but your life shapes around their presence in it.  Dropping a child into your life is a little bit different.

I think I've also been a bit grumpy because I think the Cyclogest/progesterone is making me have swelling and itching in the privates.  Really not enjoying that.  The swelling has gone down a bit, but the itching flares back up.  I read online that this can be a side effect, especially for women taking it vaginally.  I'm not, but I'm sure it's related.  Some of the online posters suggested getting some Canesten cream for the itch.  If I'm lucky enough to have a transfer tomorrow, then I think I'll also ask about this.

So that's where things are.  I'm feeling anxious.  I will know what's happening soon enough by way of the transfer at least, and then I'll have to wait to see if I'm pregnant.  And if I'm pregnant, I'll be waiting to see if I can get through the benchmarks without a miscarriage.  I'm not sure anyone ever talks about this stage of trying to get pregnant or pregnancy.  I'll be posting everything here, which includes if things go badly.  I'm positive not enough women talk about this and by the time they announce they're pregnant, they've just kept all this to themselves.  That's just not my style I guess.

IVF 1 - Day 20 3 day report

The embryologist called me this morning to report that I have 6, 3-day embryos.  One of the fertilized seven seems to have stopped after a two cell split and isn't expect to go any further.  Of the 6, four are very good and two are good.  Interestingly, from the thawed frozen eggs, the best looking 3-day embryo is one of the frozen, but the one that stopped after dividing is the other.

I discussed with the embryologist that we will wait until day 5 for a hopeful transfer.  He warned me that from these 6, I would be looking at 2-3 blastocysts comfortably, and that 4 would be an exceptional outcome.  Fingers crossed there is at least one.

I plan to transfer one blastocyst if I'm lucky enough to have more than one.  I really don't want multiples.  If it happens on its own, that's one thing, but I don't want to increase my chances by transferring two.

The laser assisted hatching will be done later today on all of the embryos.  The embryologist told me that if you do it on day 5 you risk injuring the blastocyst.  On day 3, the shell or zona pellucida is still thick and easy to nick with the laser.  It thins towards day 5 so becomes more difficult.  It seems a fairly routine procedure so I'm not too worried about anything going wrong.  Also, I asked, and it's completely fine and normal to freeze a blastocyst which has already had the assisted hatching.  I'm glad they said they'd cap the cost at £250 now!!  Otherwise that would have been £125 per embryo.  I would have spent it of course, but I'm glad for the discount with 6 to do.

I've been feeling pretty bloated and a bit crampy since the egg retrieval.  Looking online, this could also be due to starting the progesterone/Cyclogest.  I'm not loving that I've got to take a suppository twice a day for what I hope is something like the next 10 weeks.  I'll do it obviously, I'm just not loving it.  And I hope the bloating and cramps reduce.

I'm sort of amazed when I think about it- that eggs from my body have been fertilized with sperm and there is potential life in a petri dish at the clinic.  It's actually sort of hard to get my head around.  You spend so long focusing on trying to conceive, it's hard to imagine the jump to the next step. I'm not there yet of course, and all of this may not work and could go horribly wrong.  But a thread of me is still pretty hopeful and giddy with anticipation. 

IVF 1 - Day 18 fertility report

I'm at my workshop this morning, so no time for a long post.  5 of the 8 injected fresh eggs appear to have fertilized this morning, with another that may or may not (likely not) have fertilized.  Both of the frozen eggs that made it through and were injected with sperm have fertilized.  So 7 definite fertilized eggs from the 10 that got injected.  The embryologist said this was a good result as their clinic results for fertilization is 60-65% so I'm a bit higher.  Now, no news until Saturday where it will either be a 3-day transfer or a hold for day 5.  At least I have the workshop to keep me busy!!  Oh yeah, and I've started cyclogest/progesterone suppositories this morning and will be taking them every 12 hours for a while.

IVF 1 - Day 17 update

Early this afternoon my phone rang from an unlisted number.  My phone was not supposed to ring today.  I knew instantly that it was the clinic and something was wrong.  The head embryologist whom I had spoken to in recovery immediately told me that while it wasn't catastrophic, it also wasn't a good call.  Basically, out of my 6 frozen eggs, only 2 properly defrosted.  3 completely failed to reform, and 1 seemed to be okay, but then collapsed.  The 2 that defrosted properly were completely fine and able to have ICSI on them.  Out of the 9 fresh eggs collected, 8 were able to have ICSI on them.  So in total, they were able to inject 10 eggs with sperm.  Not catastrophic, but also not the best news.  In particular because the younger eggs should have a higher chance of better quality.  I'm still beyond thrilled to have had such a great fresh cycle, but the risks of chromosomal abnormalities is much greater, and increases every year.

So I'm not devastated or even particularly upset, but I'm now much more wary of the next hurdles that need to be passed.  Tomorrow around 10am I will get a call to let me know how many have actually fertilized as they will check for the double nucleus and for the ejected waste material from the cells.  I have no idea what the attrition rate will be for this next hurdle.  Assuming that some make it past tomorrow's hurdle, they won't look at them again until Saturday and decide then if it will be a 3 day or 5 day transfer.

If I end up with nothing at all to transfer, I will absolutely be devastated.  But we aren't there yet.  The embryologist was still pleased that we have 10 injected eggs.  To be fair, as I was only expecting a collection of 5, I've ended up with a similar number as I'd hoped, it's just that the majority are fresh instead of a 50/50 split.

It's also I suppose worrying for women who freeze their eggs as this is not a good outcome.  I expected 5 out of the 6 to defrost properly and thought I'd lose 1, not 4.  It's also interesting because I asked them to take 2 eggs from each of my 3 egg freezing cycles.  Interesting because the 2 that defrosted well and were healthy came from the same cycle.  2 that completely failed came from the same cycle and the other 2 with the partial came from the same cycle.  This could suggest there was a problem with the freezing.  The embryologist mentioned that on one of them it was difficult to remove the eggs from the 'plate' that they are frozen to.  I went to a very reputable clinic, so I don't think they intentionally screwed up, but it does go to show how tricky this process is.  Also, it was 3 years ago, and you would hope that techniques continue to improve.

So okay.  10 injected healthy eggs.  That's a good result so far - 8 fresh, 2 from frozen.  Tomorrow is another day and another phone call.

IVF 1 - Day 2

First shot tonight.  Happy to get this show on the road.

I called the clinic yesterday to tell them my period had arrived and schedule my first scan.  They said the doctor had put me down for an 'early' scan so they scheduled me to come in on Monday which will be day 8.  This is not early.  I was sort of taken back by this, as when I did egg freezing, or even when I had the IUI I think they scanned within the first 5 days. Day 8 seems a bit late.  I mean, some women even trigger on day 8!  Although I for sure will not.  I feel that day 8 is a bit late to make any adjustments to the medications.  I would have thought I should go in on day 5 which would be Friday. At the moment I'm undecided about whether or not I should call to ask for this or as for the reasoning for putting it off until day 8 or just to suck it up.  In general I'm not a fan of the suck it up approach and I prefer more information to less.  However, I also vaguely assume my clinic knows what they are doing.  Although maybe I shouldn't.  Seeing how many follicles there are in the scan, and how they are growing is supposed to help them decide how much drugs I should be taking.  By day 8, I'll be more than half way through stimulation, and I don't know that there's much more opportunity for adjustments.

The women on the SMC forum all felt I should push for an earlier scan or at least get in touch with the clinic.  I think I'll at least give them a call.  The women on the forum also all unanimously supported ICSI for the fresh eggs and assisted hatching for all embryos.  So that was interesting as well.  I did a bit more google research on ICSI and think it's probably a good idea to just go ahead with that. Assisted hatching also seems like a no brainer although there will be an additional cost per embryo for that.  Still, anything that helps.  And also, what's £125 when you're spending £6k+?

So it's Gonal-F only for the next few days before I add in the Ogalutran in the mornings.  All the drugs are currently taking up the cheese drawer in my fridge.  Huh.  Actually now that I'm thinking about it, I'm going to the movies tomorrow when I need to inject so I'll have to take the drugs with me.  At least they gave me a useful drug carry pouch with a portable sharps container for being away from home.  I'm going to go for an 8pm/8am schedule, or as close to that as possible for my injections.

So, still happy to be starting.  Still feeling positive.  This may obviously be significantly tempered whenever I actually get my first scan and see how many follicles are happening.  But also looking forward to finding out what will come out of the frozen eggs.

IVF 1 - Day 1

My period is here!  My period is here!  Who knew it could be so exciting?  I'm really a bit shocked that it's come so late, but anywhere, here it is.  My last period was particularly early, so I guess it makes sense. On the plus side, this would make a day 17 collection on Wednesday the 25th which would be a good timing, unless they decide for a day 15 collection, but I'll be surprised if this is the case. At any rate, this means I start stims tomorrow night, 300 Gonal F.  I'm excited and also a bit nervous to see how this cycle ends up.  How many fresh and then mature eggs will I get?  How will the frozen eggs defrost?  Will any fertilize?

The only decision I need to make now is whether or not to do ICSI and assisted hatching with all of the eggs or some of the eggs, or what.  I put it out to the ladies on the forum and it was a unanimous opinion that I should go for both.  I have to have ICSI with any of the defrosted frozen eggs, but it's optional for the fresh.  Given my age, ICSI is apparently better.  Assisted hatching is again recommended for things that are being defrosted and for 'older' eggs.  I fit into both categories, so I think I'll just go for both.  I did watch a video of ICSI though and it looked a bit violent.  Apparently there is a risk of damage to the egg, but it doesn't seem conclusive how that weights out against the risk of not fertilizing at all.

One of my best friends is having a frozen embryo transfer this month on almost the same timing as myself which would be a bit crazy for us to be pregnant at the same time.  Of course she's trying for her third child after something like 20+ cycles of various fertility treatments (which gave her the first two), so a little bit different.  But it would be sort of fun for me and my friend to be identically pregnant.

Anyway, fingers crossed for this cycle.  I don't know why I'm allowing myself to feel optimistic given the odds, but I just can't help it.

IVF package and drugs - budget update

I've just spent a large sum on the drugs for my first IVF procedure as well as the procedure itself. My clinic has a package deal for IVF which includes:

• Ultrasound scans for monitoring
• Monitoring blood tests
• Blastocyst culture (if needed)
• IVF/ICSI process (if needed)
• Embryo transfer
• Pregnancy scan or review consultation as needed

The cost for this package is £3130 if you are not using ICSI and £4030 if you are.  Because my frozen eggs will need to have ICSI, then I am paying the higher cost.  There is no additional fee for the processing of both types of eggs, or the defrosting, or if they end up doing two different fertilization procedures on the fresh and frozen, or anything else apparently.  So that was good.  At the moment I feel this cost is very reasonable for an IVF cycle with drugs included.  But I don't have a huge amount to base that on.

The drug cost for 12 days of treatment came out to £1858 which includes: 4x900iu Gonal F pens, 7 Orgalutran injections, 1 Ovitrelle injection, and 45 Cyclogest pessaries.  I will probably need to buy some more medication as my cycles tend to run longer (from both the IUI and egg freezing experiences).  But these drug costs seem reasonable.  I should go back and compare them to my old egg freezing costs as they are again from Healthcare at Home.

I'm still trying to pay for the courier to get the frozen eggs from London to Cambridge.  I have left a phone message with the Cambridge clinic today and replied to an email over the weekend, but so far nothing.  I don't think that will be a problem but I will feel better when it is paid for and underway. The courier quote I got was £175 + VAT.  So I'll have to add that to the budget later when I find out how much the tax is.

Apparently I need to fill in yet more paperwork to permit the thawing of the frozen eggs.  Of course I do.

So the budget update:

Previous total	£6490
IVF Inclusive Fee with ICSI	£4030
12 Days of IVF drugs (see above)	£1858
New total	£12378

I've now spent approximately... a little over 1/3 of my savings for this endeavor.  It would be amazing if this would work so I could keep the rest for caring for a child, childcare, etc.  But it also means if I need to do this again, I certainly can.  Of course fingers crossed I won't have to.

Pre IVF consultation

I had my pre IVF consultation with my clinic this afternoon.  I went there thinking I had a perfectly reasonable plan which has been encouraged both by my egg freezing doctor (way back when) and by the first doctor I saw at this clinic.  This was, mainly, to do a fresh IVF cycle and save my frozen eggs as a last resort.

This plan was immediately questioned by the doctor I met to have my consultation with.  It was the same doctor who did my Hycosi although that was the only time I've met with him previously.  He thought I should be going straight to my frozen eggs as this would give me the best chance of success at this stage.  Now, the reason for not using the frozen eggs straight away was if I am fertile now, that gives me an option for the future, if I want one.  I don't at the moment think I want one.  I think that one child would be all I want.  But I liked the idea of holding something in reserve.  However, the doctor was really surprised and encouraged me to not put my body through IVF when I could use frozen eggs.  So this threw my thinking completely out. I held firm at first, and then as we kept talking I started questioning myself.

In addition to this confusion, he was looking at my file and saying that I needed to attend the 'information session' as a matter of policy.  Now, way back when, when I started treatment they said I had to do the information session.  Then, when I explained I'd done egg freezing and was pretty well versed in the fertility sphere, they said I didn't have to.  But apparently now I do have to.  So I got scheduled in to attend an information session where I strongly doubt I will learn anything new.  In addition to this hoop jumping, he informed me that I also needed a consultation with a counselor about the implications of using donor sperm.  I don't mind meeting with a counselor, but again, I feel fairly well versed in the implications of using donor sperm and am in fact this weekend going to a conference hosted by the DCN - so I will jump through this hoop but it annoyed me.

Anyway, back to the consultation.

So the doctor relented that ultimately it was my decision but it was clear he didn't think I should be doing fresh IVF to start.  He was also saying that a lot of things had to happen to start the cycle so I couldn't just assume I could start with my period in May which stressed me out.  He then saw me getting stressed and tried to convey that staying calm through all this is helpful for getting pregnant. In the meantime, I'm thinking to myself that I understand where he's coming from but he's not being particularly helpful in ensuring that I am calm because he's causing all sorts of disruptions to things that I thought were reasonably fixed!

So as we're discussing it back and forth, and he's making me feel not so great by commenting that if I only got 6,4, and 3 eggs on my egg freezing cycles that my chances for IVF retrieval at this stage were not so great, he mentions that I could consider doing a fresh IVF cycle and also at the same time defrosting half of the frozen eggs to increase my chances of having one or two viable embryos.  Now this sounded better to me.  First, because I can plan to start the IVF cycle in May and now it's really about getting in touch with my London clinic to arrange the transfer of my eggs to Cambridge and having them in place for this to happen.  It also allows me to save half of the frozen eggs for a second try either immediately if this doesn't work, or in the future possibly.  So I think out of the 13 frozen eggs I have, I may suggest they start by defrosting 6 for this cycle.  Those will need to be fertilized with ICSI, and they can be watched alongside anything that may be retrieved from the fresh cycle.

So it's a slightly different plan but one I actually feel reasonably good about.  I am also going to email the embryologist to see what would happen for example, if the 6 don't defrost or fertilize for some reason, would there be time to defrost the other 7 in this cycle (I actually have no idea how long it takes to defrost an egg although I assume not so quickly).  This means I am now waiting for them to price up this option and the drugs costs and then I can order my drugs and schedule a counselling session and attend the information evening and be all set to start my IVF drugs on day 2 of my period.

Phew.

So a good result in the end that I have a plan and it's all systems go.  But really more stressful than it needed to be and a bit of a kick from a doctor who was clearly trying to tell me that he didn't think my odds were so great being over 40.  But anyway, I'll see what I get fresh, and I'll give some of those frozen eggs a chance and we'll see where we get to.

But first I need to call my old clinic and see about getting those eggs transferred to Cambridge.  I'm sure I'll need to sign a release or some such even though I will never actually see these eggs and it will all be done clinic to clnic.  The UK is very strict on fertility issues!  So much paperwork.

Anyway, it seems like more updates will be on the way as the planning progresses.