Sorry for being out of touch! The last few weeks at work were insane. Seriously, insane. It's all good stuff, but it meant that I was working non-stop training my maternity replacement, and trying to do as much as possible for the new program that we are acquiring before I left (that I will be running when I get back).
So time passed, and now I'm in the final countdown. A few different things have happened which are probably worth recording here. From arguing with my mother, to everything I'm doing to try to get baby to come on her own before the induction. Then there's getting the house ready and all the 'nesting'. By the way, I despise the word nesting. I don't think being prepared is anything special or significant. Bringing a new baby into your home requires various degrees of preparation which may mean new furniture and finding places for things and moving things around. It isn't 'nesting', it's just being fucking practical. I have heard of women who start to go insane cleaning, although again, you think about this new responsibility and the lack of a good immune system and I think yes, it's better to clean some stuff then be irresponsible. But I honestly don't think it's 'special', I think it's smart!
So I've been preparing for baby girl by getting the nursery ready, washing a ton of clothes and blankets and muslins and anything else she might use. I've tried to clear up the clutter and sort through things that I've had sitting around for some time. I mean, it was easy to have those things sitting around, but with all the new things coming into my house, I had less space, and it forced me to look at some of these piles of things.
But basically I think I'm ready. I've ordered everything that I thought was 'essential' for me. The only thing I haven't set up is the 'Next 2 me' cot because it's going to be a big obstacle in my room which is fine when baby is here, but I don't think I need to live with empty for a week more or so. But the sheets and everything that goes into it are ready, so hopefully setting it up won't take much time at all.
I've packed two of the three bags I'm taking to the hospital. Baby's bag was the first to be packed and has everything I'll need for her in hospital and to come home. In my NCT class, they suggested packing up the nappy/diaper bag as baby's bag to start to get used to it which I thought was sensible, so that's exactly what I've done. I've also packed my 'going home' bag which includes two pairs of comfortable pajamas, two outfits, a bunch of oversized cotton underwear, an entire pack of maternity pads, some disposable underwear, breast pads, nipple cream, toiletries, etc. The only bag I need to still put together is the 'labouring' bag which includes two robes (one very lightweight as a cover, and one thicker/towel weight robe), slippers, portable speaker, essential oil, magic wand (maybe), TENS unit, food & drink, etc. Basically, everything I might want while I labor. Some of it is sitting in a pile, so it's not that it would be so difficult to shove it all in a bag if it was an emergency, but I'm pretty sure I have time.
Since going on leave, I've started to be more conscientious about the things you can do to promote labor. I've been to acupuncture twice and am scheduled to go again Wednesday and Friday this week. I started with some nipple stimulation using my breast pump which I think did make me more crampy (and I managed to express some colostrum) but when I stopped it all stopped. I'll come back to it, but I wanted a break and felt it was perhaps early. I'm trying to walk although baby is definitely engaged and walking can put incredible pressure on my bladder. Today I basically walked while lifting my bump slightly just to get her off it! I've been eating 6 dates a day for weeks now, and that continues. What else? Bouncing on a ball. I'm really not convinced there is loads you can do to bring about labor. I'm scheduled for a membrane sweep next Monday and the following Wednesday as a last resort. Because I'm also scheduled for an induction on the 17th. After all I've gone through to push off the induction and have good support from the hospital staff, I'm now pretty much determined to go through with it for the sole reason that it will be much much better for my mental health if the baby arrives before my mother does on the 22nd. This is, by the way, a terrible reason to push forward with an induction, but I'm trying to balance mental health and physical health and right now mental health is winning. This is why I'm committed to pretty much doing everything possible to hope that labor starts on its own before then.
But I think my next post will be about my struggles with my mother right now. This post is already long.
Oh yeah, in other news, I've been using the elastolabo and Epi-No nightly and it's given me some confidence about the birthing process. When I started with the Epi-No, it was around 7cm. It's now up to 9.5 and while it makes me feel 'full' and isn't necessarily comfortable, it helps me to know that I've pushed something out of my vagina with that diameter. I've looked up that an average baby head is about 11cm, so that's 1.5cm away. At least it makes me feel less frightened of tearing, and has helped me to understand how having something that large lodged in your privates is likely to feel (i.e., how you feel it more in your bottom). So I'm pleased with that investment. Just hoping I actually get the chance to give birth vaginally!
Midwife appointment tomorrow. Not expecting anything unusual.
It's very strange to be off work. Right now it just feels like some sort of long weekend. It's hard to remember that life is going on without me and people are going to work and getting on with things while I putter around. On the one hand it's good because they really do leave you alone once you're on leave. On the other hand, it's just really odd to suddenly just be on the outside!
Okay, enough for now, more soon.
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2017
Thursday, November 3, 2016
25w1d - glucose test
This morning I had my glucose tolerance test. I won't get the results for a week or so. It should come by post. It's interesting because on the forum I spend a lot of time on (that has lots of Americans) it seems as though there are two glucose tests- the one hour and the three hour. In the UK they do a single two hour test. Basically, I had to have no food or drink past 10pm last night, then show up at the hospital this morning. They took blood and then gave me a fixed amount of Lucozade to drink. You then sit around for an hour and they take your blood. Then you sit around for another hour and they take your blood again (two hours, get it?). I asked about the one hour and three hour and they said that there is a 3 hour test which is basically just wait another hour, and that they don't do the 1 hour test at all. Basically, in the UK, the 2 hour test is the diagnostic test for pregnant women.
At any rate, I've done it so now I wait. It made me feel a bit off this morning. Drinking a lot of carbonated sugar first thing in the morning on an empty stomach isn't that nice. It's afternoon now and as I've had a ham and cheese toasty and a baked potato with beans and cheese I'm starting to feel a bit more normal.
On the plus side, although I had to get blood taken 3 times, they managed to get it on the first time each time! Although by the third she had to poke around a bit before she got it in just the right place. Still, better than before, huh?
At any rate, I've done it so now I wait. It made me feel a bit off this morning. Drinking a lot of carbonated sugar first thing in the morning on an empty stomach isn't that nice. It's afternoon now and as I've had a ham and cheese toasty and a baked potato with beans and cheese I'm starting to feel a bit more normal.
On the plus side, although I had to get blood taken 3 times, they managed to get it on the first time each time! Although by the third she had to poke around a bit before she got it in just the right place. Still, better than before, huh?
Friday, July 29, 2016
65dpo 11w5d - And still waiting
Okay, okay. Today is really 9 days which was the earliest they said it would come. But it's getting to me more and more.... I had a nightmare about it last night. I really hope the results come by the end of today. Don't know if they work on Saturdays. Assume not Sunday. So if not today possibly next possible day is Monday? Ugh. I'm going to lose my shit if it comes back inconclusive and needing another blood draw.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
64dpo 11w4d - Still waiting
No NIPT results yesterday. I think they said it was usually around 9 days. Yesterday was 7. So I'm not surprised. Again it could be today, but again, due to time differences, I wouldn't expect anything until the afternoon/evening.
My midwife said that I need to start baby aspirin from week 12 to help prevent preeclampsia which officially is next Wednesday. So today I am going to try to remember to go to the drug store at lunch and pick some up. Next week I am running another workshop so I will be very busy. I'm not staying with the students though, I will be going home every evening so I can easily take my vitamins, etc.
I really hope I get the NIPT results before my 12 week scan which is next Thursday. I should, although they said it could take up to 2 weeks (but in their experience never had). Even so, two weeks would be the day before the scan, so hopefully it will come through.
And hopefully it will be all 'no aneuploidy detected'.
Meanwhile, my gut continues to feel 'full'. Sometimes the fullness feels like I've eaten a big mean (when I've eaten nothing). Sometimes the fullness vaguely feels like I need to poop. No wonder pregnant women get hemorrhoids! While trying not to focus on waiting for results, it is fascinating to observe all these shifts in my body. Although it's still incredibly difficult to wrap my head around there being a little creature inside of me!!
My midwife said that I need to start baby aspirin from week 12 to help prevent preeclampsia which officially is next Wednesday. So today I am going to try to remember to go to the drug store at lunch and pick some up. Next week I am running another workshop so I will be very busy. I'm not staying with the students though, I will be going home every evening so I can easily take my vitamins, etc.
I really hope I get the NIPT results before my 12 week scan which is next Thursday. I should, although they said it could take up to 2 weeks (but in their experience never had). Even so, two weeks would be the day before the scan, so hopefully it will come through.
And hopefully it will be all 'no aneuploidy detected'.
Meanwhile, my gut continues to feel 'full'. Sometimes the fullness feels like I've eaten a big mean (when I've eaten nothing). Sometimes the fullness vaguely feels like I need to poop. No wonder pregnant women get hemorrhoids! While trying not to focus on waiting for results, it is fascinating to observe all these shifts in my body. Although it's still incredibly difficult to wrap my head around there being a little creature inside of me!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
63dpo 11w3d - Still waiting
I figure today would be the absolute earliest I would get an email with the NIPT results and it won't be until later in the day because of the time difference to the States. But really I'm not expecting it today. I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about the results. Because I did not do PGS testing, I have the standard chances of the fetus having chromosomal abnormalities. Because the age of the egg was 38 or 39 as opposed to my current age of 41, there are slightly better odds but they are still not great.
Apparently the risk of Down Syndrom is between 1/175 and 1/137. The risk of any chromosomal abnormality is between 1/102 and 1/83. Now of course many of those random abnormalities cause
miscarriages or a lack of development. I know that little squidge is developing at the right pace, so I think my odds are slightly better for the general chromosomal abnormalities, but perhaps not for Down Syndrome. I'm really not sure. And while I wouldn't be confident of winning a draw with those odds, it's not so large that I feel confident I won't get the short straw.
At any rate, the fact is that the genetic makeup of the squidge is already established and all that is happening now is that I am waiting to find out what it is. Worrying makes no difference. I'm just impatient.
My body continues to subtly change. Mostly now I feel constantly bloated or 'full'. I can tell that I am fuller above my belly button, towards my lower rib cage, or at least that there is pressure there. It's not obvious to anyone else other than me, and mostly I notice because of the pressure feeling. I think I still have a way to go before I properly show or anything like that.
I managed to start a conversation with the boyfriend last night which although inconclusive was progress. I know that he's really still not come to terms with what this pregnancy means for him, or how he thinks about it. I stressed that how it feels to me is that he is tolerating my pregnancy, and that tolerating it is not really going to fly in the longer term. He insisted that was not how he felt, but then it was also clear that he's still conflicted. I think he worries that he will become attached to my child, but that I could 'disappear' with the child at any time. Of course this could happen in general, and there are no guarantees in life. It's something he needs to mentally come to terms with. But at least we are talking about it, and there is still time.
In completely unrelated news, I still have a wicked bruise on my left arm from the blood drawn at my GP's office almost two weeks ago now. I've started taking some iron supplements because although they did not call me to say that I'm anemic, I cant' think of any other reason why the bruises are fading so slowly.
Apparently the risk of Down Syndrom is between 1/175 and 1/137. The risk of any chromosomal abnormality is between 1/102 and 1/83. Now of course many of those random abnormalities cause
miscarriages or a lack of development. I know that little squidge is developing at the right pace, so I think my odds are slightly better for the general chromosomal abnormalities, but perhaps not for Down Syndrome. I'm really not sure. And while I wouldn't be confident of winning a draw with those odds, it's not so large that I feel confident I won't get the short straw.
At any rate, the fact is that the genetic makeup of the squidge is already established and all that is happening now is that I am waiting to find out what it is. Worrying makes no difference. I'm just impatient.
My body continues to subtly change. Mostly now I feel constantly bloated or 'full'. I can tell that I am fuller above my belly button, towards my lower rib cage, or at least that there is pressure there. It's not obvious to anyone else other than me, and mostly I notice because of the pressure feeling. I think I still have a way to go before I properly show or anything like that.
I managed to start a conversation with the boyfriend last night which although inconclusive was progress. I know that he's really still not come to terms with what this pregnancy means for him, or how he thinks about it. I stressed that how it feels to me is that he is tolerating my pregnancy, and that tolerating it is not really going to fly in the longer term. He insisted that was not how he felt, but then it was also clear that he's still conflicted. I think he worries that he will become attached to my child, but that I could 'disappear' with the child at any time. Of course this could happen in general, and there are no guarantees in life. It's something he needs to mentally come to terms with. But at least we are talking about it, and there is still time.
In completely unrelated news, I still have a wicked bruise on my left arm from the blood drawn at my GP's office almost two weeks ago now. I've started taking some iron supplements because although they did not call me to say that I'm anemic, I cant' think of any other reason why the bruises are fading so slowly.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
57dpo 10w4d - Scan and NIPT
So the scan went well and everything looks normal! It looks like a proper little fetus now with an oddly shaped bulging head and little stumpy legs and arms. They checked the length and it looks like I'm on target for my fertilization due date which is 10w1d or due on February 15th. They also tested the heartbeat which came in at a strong 170 beats per minute. She was able to show me the placenta which is in the front which means I may feel less movement/kicking for a while. I also got to see the yolk sac which isn't completely gone yet. Basically, there was plenty of time to ogle the little being living in my uterus. I couldn't stop grinning. It was very reassuring, and then of course, fucking terrifying!!! But that is as it should be.
She also managed to take my blood in one go after looking at my vein with the ultrasound machine to make sure she really had a good one. She was extremely gentle and I barely felt the needle going on. It was slow to fill and eventually stopped giving blood however, luckily just when enough had been collected for the NIPT. They will send my blood off to the States to get tested, so I won't have the results for at least a week. I've opted in for everything to be tested which includes finding out the sex. I'm still nervous that this final hurdle will prove the one where things go wrong, but I'm feeling much better at the moment. I am really fucking pregnant. It's not just a fluke. Holy shit.
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| Being measured - just the right size |
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| Heartbeat |
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| 3d view- it looks like a fetus!! |
On the taxi ride to and from the clinic I was playing Pokemon Go (yes, I know). It was a novelty to be in a car and be able to grab and collect things. On the other hand, it made me really nauseous. I'm still nauseous now, which seems odd. I wonder if it triggered some of the underlying morning sickness I've otherwise been avoiding. Hopefully it will pass soon and go back to how it was.
So other than waiting for the NIPT results, my next scan is the official dating and Nuchal Fold scan the first week of August. Hopefully I get the NIPT results before that scan, because they are are more accurate than the Nuchal Fold screening and it would be useful to go into that scan with the test results.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
56dpo 10w3d - 25%
According to my retrieval/fertilization date, I am exactly 10 weeks today (despite my LMP tracking date). If a pregnancy is around 40 weeks, that means I'm a quarter done already. I know that pregnancy counts in trimesters, but 40 doesn't divide well into 3. And anyway, at this stage, counting days and weeks is more the thing. So 25% it is.
Tomorrow I have arranged an NIPT and a scan. I'm nervous about the scan- that it will show that things have gone wrong. I will be very relieved if it doesn't, but I'm nervous now just the same. Today is also the first day that I'm completely off the progesterone/Cyclogest. There was nothing notable about reducing the progesterone, so it should be fine to go off completely now. Yet another removal of something that made me feel pregnant though!
I will of course report back on tomorrow's scan. Whatever will be is already determined. So it's just for me to find out what it is. I suppose the irony will be if the scan is normal but the NIPT is not. But of course I won't have those results for another week again. So, potentially straight from one waiting period to the next.
Tomorrow I have arranged an NIPT and a scan. I'm nervous about the scan- that it will show that things have gone wrong. I will be very relieved if it doesn't, but I'm nervous now just the same. Today is also the first day that I'm completely off the progesterone/Cyclogest. There was nothing notable about reducing the progesterone, so it should be fine to go off completely now. Yet another removal of something that made me feel pregnant though!
I will of course report back on tomorrow's scan. Whatever will be is already determined. So it's just for me to find out what it is. I suppose the irony will be if the scan is normal but the NIPT is not. But of course I won't have those results for another week again. So, potentially straight from one waiting period to the next.
Monday, July 18, 2016
54dpo 10w1d - Worrying
It's very easy for me to generally forget that I'm pregnant. I don't have any major symptoms other than tiredness. My breasts seem to have settled a bit after growing some and being sensitive. I still get very fleeting moments of feeling 'off' but nothing as much as nausea or throwing up.
Yesterday I convinced myself that maybe I wasn't pregnant anymore or had miscarried (or had a 'missed miscarriage since I haven't had any cramps or bleeding at all). So I peed on a stick which reassuringly came up straight away pregnant. But then I wondered if it was lighter than the last time I did the test. I think this is somewhat brought on my by wanting to schedule my NIPT this Friday. I can't quite find the one I want without a scan, so I get a scan thrown in (or rather, I pay for it). So I started to wonder and worry about what the scan might show.
This all ended up meaning that in general I felt grumpy yesterday. I may have been snappy with the boyfriend, which also continues to bother me because we've still not talked about the baby situation. I'm still annoyed that I need to bring it up and that he doesn't talk to me. I will, at some point, but maybe not when I'm feeling grumpy about it.
Actually, maybe I just feel irritable in general. It's hard to think of things that are making me happy right now. Work is stressful. People annoy me. Not all people, but a lot of them. I'm sure that the stress at work is not helping, and the stress of worrying and trying not to worry is not helping. I keep expecting the bad news to hit, and that's just not a useful mindset.
The only moderately positive thing on the pregnancy front is that I reduced my progesterone/Cyclogest to one a day and I only have one more day before it's gone. I was a bit worried about reducing to one a day, especially when so many women online seem to report staying on until week 12 and here I was reducing at week 9 to stop at week 10. But so far, no difference in my body or discharge or anything, so I assume it's all fine? Yay to fewer fingers in bums!
Yesterday I convinced myself that maybe I wasn't pregnant anymore or had miscarried (or had a 'missed miscarriage since I haven't had any cramps or bleeding at all). So I peed on a stick which reassuringly came up straight away pregnant. But then I wondered if it was lighter than the last time I did the test. I think this is somewhat brought on my by wanting to schedule my NIPT this Friday. I can't quite find the one I want without a scan, so I get a scan thrown in (or rather, I pay for it). So I started to wonder and worry about what the scan might show.
This all ended up meaning that in general I felt grumpy yesterday. I may have been snappy with the boyfriend, which also continues to bother me because we've still not talked about the baby situation. I'm still annoyed that I need to bring it up and that he doesn't talk to me. I will, at some point, but maybe not when I'm feeling grumpy about it.
Actually, maybe I just feel irritable in general. It's hard to think of things that are making me happy right now. Work is stressful. People annoy me. Not all people, but a lot of them. I'm sure that the stress at work is not helping, and the stress of worrying and trying not to worry is not helping. I keep expecting the bad news to hit, and that's just not a useful mindset.
The only moderately positive thing on the pregnancy front is that I reduced my progesterone/Cyclogest to one a day and I only have one more day before it's gone. I was a bit worried about reducing to one a day, especially when so many women online seem to report staying on until week 12 and here I was reducing at week 9 to stop at week 10. But so far, no difference in my body or discharge or anything, so I assume it's all fine? Yay to fewer fingers in bums!
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
34dpo 7w2d - Scan tomorrow
I'm away at an event and so have been able to not focus too much on pregnancy things. Tomorrow is my first scan though, and I'm a bit nervous. I still am having no real pregnancy symptoms. My boobs are definitely a bit fuller and heavier, and I get an occasional twinge of nausea, but that's pretty much it. I also have occasional twinges in the lower gut/uterus region but I could also be overly sensitive to any such twinges.
I read in one of the baby apps I'm following that my uterus has doubled in size now. I thought that was interesting. It also occurred to me that I don't have a good idea of how big a uterus is usually. I know how big an ovary is usually (about the size of a walnut) but uterus, no. I also read another thing that said that women with stronger first trimester symptoms have a lower rate of miscarriage. While that may be true, I thought that was a shitty thing to read. I've seen plenty of women say that they haven't had many symptoms and be fine and vice versa. So probably not the most useful tip I've seen come by on a pregnancy app.
I was going to work from home tomorrow, go to my scan, and then come in to work but work is so stressful right now that I think instead I'm going to go to work and get a taxi to and from my scan. It would be more efficient and I have too much to do.
My dad is going to see my uncles and associated family this week and asked what he could or should tell them. I told him that if the scan tomorrow was okay, that he could tell that but that I'd prefer to wait and see how it goes. Like I said, I'm a bit nervous that the news will not be good. Of course I hope that it's all fine. I'll find out tomorrow, in about 24 hours. So that's not so hard to wait for.
And of course whatever happens will happen. If it's all good, I am still going to worry that could change, and worry about chromosomal abnormalities until I can get a NIPT done. If it's not good, well, it's not good and I'll have to deal with that and plan for the next stages of trying all over again.
I read in one of the baby apps I'm following that my uterus has doubled in size now. I thought that was interesting. It also occurred to me that I don't have a good idea of how big a uterus is usually. I know how big an ovary is usually (about the size of a walnut) but uterus, no. I also read another thing that said that women with stronger first trimester symptoms have a lower rate of miscarriage. While that may be true, I thought that was a shitty thing to read. I've seen plenty of women say that they haven't had many symptoms and be fine and vice versa. So probably not the most useful tip I've seen come by on a pregnancy app.
I was going to work from home tomorrow, go to my scan, and then come in to work but work is so stressful right now that I think instead I'm going to go to work and get a taxi to and from my scan. It would be more efficient and I have too much to do.
My dad is going to see my uncles and associated family this week and asked what he could or should tell them. I told him that if the scan tomorrow was okay, that he could tell that but that I'd prefer to wait and see how it goes. Like I said, I'm a bit nervous that the news will not be good. Of course I hope that it's all fine. I'll find out tomorrow, in about 24 hours. So that's not so hard to wait for.
And of course whatever happens will happen. If it's all good, I am still going to worry that could change, and worry about chromosomal abnormalities until I can get a NIPT done. If it's not good, well, it's not good and I'll have to deal with that and plan for the next stages of trying all over again.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
29dpo 6w4d - Mantras
I peed on a stick this morning to see if I was still pregnant. The pregnancy line came up faster than the control line, like, the second the urine touched the mark. It was strong and dark quickly. So yep, still pregnant, and strongest reaction yet.
My last post clearly had some unfortunate foreshadowing as the first woman in my pregnancy group on the forum has gone out. This was of course upsetting to hear. She had worries, because everyone has worries, but nothing that appeared to be anything obvious. Retrospectively you could say 'this, that, and the other', but the reality is, it's easy to look back and see obvious, I don't think it was. So, shocking, and sad.
It's hard not to hear that and have the surge of panic about your own situation. I'm mindful that I have not done PGS testing on the embryos. It was something I looked in to and was not available. My clinic was not in favor, although it's clearly more and more common in the States. While there can obviously still be loads of issues with PGS tested embryos, it does seem to reduce the chance of miscarriage by about 9-10% according to one clinic's statistics. It seems for the age of my embryo egg (38, not my current age of 41) the miscarriage rate for me at this point is around 20%+ or 1 in 5. Again, sobering thoughts.
But again, NOTHING I can do at this point. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. My mantra is simply to repeat this thought. It is the waiting that is stressful and what will be will be. Take each day is it comes. Accept each day and each moment for what it is. Be confident in the knowledge that I will be able to manage each moment, no matter what happens, but that worrying about possible futures, of which I have no control over, is not productive for me, or for the growing fetus. Repeat.
It could also be that I continue with a pregnancy and find out their are other issues that will require difficult choices. Yesterday I was looking at where I could get a NIPT done locally as a useful Facebook advertisement popped up. Usually I ignore those, but finally a relevant one indicated there's a private clinic in Grantchester which will do it for cheaper than a London clinic. If I manage to make it to 10 weeks, and it's not available through the NHS, I'm definitely doing a private NIPT.
I am also mindful that there is a potential discrepancy between my dpo and week calculation of up to 3 days. This is because my cycles are slightly longer, typically. So when I use various online calculators, they suggest based on dpo that I'm 6w1d not 6w4d. This is of course important as every benchmark is measured in what week you are at- if only you get to this week your risks reduce, blah blah blah. I of course want to be at the further ahead date, but should realistically be considering myself the further behind date.
Mantra. Repeat.
My last post clearly had some unfortunate foreshadowing as the first woman in my pregnancy group on the forum has gone out. This was of course upsetting to hear. She had worries, because everyone has worries, but nothing that appeared to be anything obvious. Retrospectively you could say 'this, that, and the other', but the reality is, it's easy to look back and see obvious, I don't think it was. So, shocking, and sad.
It's hard not to hear that and have the surge of panic about your own situation. I'm mindful that I have not done PGS testing on the embryos. It was something I looked in to and was not available. My clinic was not in favor, although it's clearly more and more common in the States. While there can obviously still be loads of issues with PGS tested embryos, it does seem to reduce the chance of miscarriage by about 9-10% according to one clinic's statistics. It seems for the age of my embryo egg (38, not my current age of 41) the miscarriage rate for me at this point is around 20%+ or 1 in 5. Again, sobering thoughts.
But again, NOTHING I can do at this point. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. My mantra is simply to repeat this thought. It is the waiting that is stressful and what will be will be. Take each day is it comes. Accept each day and each moment for what it is. Be confident in the knowledge that I will be able to manage each moment, no matter what happens, but that worrying about possible futures, of which I have no control over, is not productive for me, or for the growing fetus. Repeat.
It could also be that I continue with a pregnancy and find out their are other issues that will require difficult choices. Yesterday I was looking at where I could get a NIPT done locally as a useful Facebook advertisement popped up. Usually I ignore those, but finally a relevant one indicated there's a private clinic in Grantchester which will do it for cheaper than a London clinic. If I manage to make it to 10 weeks, and it's not available through the NHS, I'm definitely doing a private NIPT.
I am also mindful that there is a potential discrepancy between my dpo and week calculation of up to 3 days. This is because my cycles are slightly longer, typically. So when I use various online calculators, they suggest based on dpo that I'm 6w1d not 6w4d. This is of course important as every benchmark is measured in what week you are at- if only you get to this week your risks reduce, blah blah blah. I of course want to be at the further ahead date, but should realistically be considering myself the further behind date.
Mantra. Repeat.
Monday, June 20, 2016
26dpo 6w1d - Appointments
I saw my GP this morning. It was a relatively short appointment but now I'm properly 'in the system'. There isn't much for the GP to do- apparently with the NHS most of your care is through midwife appointments; and there are about 10 throughout your pregnancy he said. So I made my first appointment for the 12th as that was the earliest that would work. Perhaps a week later than desired. I also received a 'pregnancy' pack which I haven't had a chance to look through properly but is sponsored by Bounty so there are some branded things in it. I glanced inside and saw a sample pack of pregnancy vitamins so that's cool as those are pricey. I ordered some extra folic acid for the next couple of months, although it's in the multivitamin, I'm overweight so not bad to take more. The GP took my blood pressure which was fine. The lower number runs towards the high end but I think it was 124/85 so that's within normal.
I told my GP the results of my hCG blood tests and he mentioned that the numbers were on the low side but of course early. Which of course made me twinge with worry. The numbers doubled- which is what they say is more important than the actual number. And yes, they were low in the sense that it was 14dpo and 16dpo. I am consoled that my pregnancy tests got progressively darker and stronger meaning hCG was rising. But anyway, blah.
Today I'm feeling twinges in the gut/tummy/uterus region and of course I'm trying not to worry about it or think about it too much. I want everything to go smoothly, obviously, but I am also unable not to worry that it won't. On the forum that I frequent there appears to always be at least 2 women who miscarry within each 3 month group. So it's a rather gruesome game of Russian roulette. Of course none of us may miscarry- which would be awesome of course. But looking through the history of the pregnancy boards, there seems to always be at least 2. So that's sobering. (Apologies to those of you from the board who may have read this and found it upsetting).
A woman in my three month group posted about her anxiety levels around the pregnancy. I don't think it's possible to be pregnant and not worry, I guess it's how you process your worrying that makes a difference. The only thing I can console myself with right now is that there is nothing I can do to change anything. The future is already written- I just don't know it yet. Will I miscarry? Is this ectopic? Will there be a chromosomal abnormality? So many things that you could worry about it. But worrying about them doesn't change anything at all. If bad shit happens, I will deal with it and get through it because I have to. And I know I can, because I am a strong person and I have a network of friends and family who love me. I can't change what that future will be. I just don't know what it is yet. And that's scary and frustrating and stressful. But really I need to just be patient and wait. Take each day, each moment for what it is. I can't change the future, so I can only be present in the now. Anyway, that's how I try to get through the stress and worry. Of course not entirely helpful when you are second guessing every twinge!
In other news I told my dad last night that I was pregnant. He hasn't been the most on board with the pregnancy plan but was surprisingly supportive. Of course he was supportive in the way that my dad is able to be supportive- mainly by indicating how he would be able to provide some financial support to a child of mine. But hey, financial support is really important. And for my dad, being able to take care of someone (financially) is how he shows that he loves them. So that was nice. This isn't to say that my dad will foot all the baby bills for everything. In fact, far from it. But anyway, it was nice to feel supported.
I told my GP the results of my hCG blood tests and he mentioned that the numbers were on the low side but of course early. Which of course made me twinge with worry. The numbers doubled- which is what they say is more important than the actual number. And yes, they were low in the sense that it was 14dpo and 16dpo. I am consoled that my pregnancy tests got progressively darker and stronger meaning hCG was rising. But anyway, blah.
Today I'm feeling twinges in the gut/tummy/uterus region and of course I'm trying not to worry about it or think about it too much. I want everything to go smoothly, obviously, but I am also unable not to worry that it won't. On the forum that I frequent there appears to always be at least 2 women who miscarry within each 3 month group. So it's a rather gruesome game of Russian roulette. Of course none of us may miscarry- which would be awesome of course. But looking through the history of the pregnancy boards, there seems to always be at least 2. So that's sobering. (Apologies to those of you from the board who may have read this and found it upsetting).
A woman in my three month group posted about her anxiety levels around the pregnancy. I don't think it's possible to be pregnant and not worry, I guess it's how you process your worrying that makes a difference. The only thing I can console myself with right now is that there is nothing I can do to change anything. The future is already written- I just don't know it yet. Will I miscarry? Is this ectopic? Will there be a chromosomal abnormality? So many things that you could worry about it. But worrying about them doesn't change anything at all. If bad shit happens, I will deal with it and get through it because I have to. And I know I can, because I am a strong person and I have a network of friends and family who love me. I can't change what that future will be. I just don't know what it is yet. And that's scary and frustrating and stressful. But really I need to just be patient and wait. Take each day, each moment for what it is. I can't change the future, so I can only be present in the now. Anyway, that's how I try to get through the stress and worry. Of course not entirely helpful when you are second guessing every twinge!
In other news I told my dad last night that I was pregnant. He hasn't been the most on board with the pregnancy plan but was surprisingly supportive. Of course he was supportive in the way that my dad is able to be supportive- mainly by indicating how he would be able to provide some financial support to a child of mine. But hey, financial support is really important. And for my dad, being able to take care of someone (financially) is how he shows that he loves them. So that was nice. This isn't to say that my dad will foot all the baby bills for everything. In fact, far from it. But anyway, it was nice to feel supported.
Friday, June 17, 2016
23dpo 5w5d - Finally a letter
So I finally got my letter from obstetrics telling me my first scan is scheduled for the 29th. That will be 35dpo or 7w3d. Still almost two weeks away. At least it's scheduled. I've also scheduled an appointment with my GP for Monday morning because apparently they arrange all your midwife appointments or some such. I have no idea. Healthcare is very different here than in the States and seeing as how I haven't been pregnant in either place, I really have no idea what the general schedule is. I was talking to a woman in my office who is going on maternity leave today and she said there's a 7 week, 12 week, and 20 week scan, and then the scans are done. It's also not clear to me yet if the UK has rolled out NIPT testing for all women- they did a big study on it and decided they would roll it out, but it's in process. So I don't know if I'll get it as standard or if it will be something else I need to seek out independently.
I peed on a stick this morning and the line came up quickly and dark. So, hCG still rising! In fact it came up so quickly that I'm not sure I'll get any stronger readings off them. I think I have 3 more of the eBay strips left. I also have 4 First Response tests left which seem wasteful. Maybe I'll try and pass them off to someone? Of course everything could go horribly wrong and I may need to start this all over again, so maybe just hold on to them until I'm out of some of the danger zones.
Of course being this early pregnant everything is a worry. I continue to have small twinges on my left side where my ovary is. I am of course obsessed with wondering if this could be signalling an ectopic pregnancy. I don't seem to have any other symptoms, but I don't like occasional twinges in the ovary region. Of course the scan will help verify what is going on- but that's not for two weeks. So until then I'm just trying to not make a mountain out of molehill and be obsessive about it. I got a twinge in the other side as well, which of course then made me think it could be an ectopic pregnancy in my Fallopian tube stump that's left from the surgery. See? Crazy.
In other news I've had my first offer of baby hand me downs, which is awesome! There are some things I'm willing to spend money on if I can't find what I want for a reduced price. But most stuff I'm super happy to take hand me downs for. Babies go through things so quickly and they are barely used. It makes total sense!
Not much else going on. Still haven't heard a word from the friend who dumped on me. I got a day by day pregnancy book which is kind of fun to read over breakfast. Still not really having symptoms that I can notice, which is probably just as well. Still doing my Cycologest/progesterone twice a day at 8am/pm like clockwork. I set an alarm for the evening one- very helpful. Still trying to be good about doing yoga or walking daily (as well as cycling to work). And life goes on!
I peed on a stick this morning and the line came up quickly and dark. So, hCG still rising! In fact it came up so quickly that I'm not sure I'll get any stronger readings off them. I think I have 3 more of the eBay strips left. I also have 4 First Response tests left which seem wasteful. Maybe I'll try and pass them off to someone? Of course everything could go horribly wrong and I may need to start this all over again, so maybe just hold on to them until I'm out of some of the danger zones.
Of course being this early pregnant everything is a worry. I continue to have small twinges on my left side where my ovary is. I am of course obsessed with wondering if this could be signalling an ectopic pregnancy. I don't seem to have any other symptoms, but I don't like occasional twinges in the ovary region. Of course the scan will help verify what is going on- but that's not for two weeks. So until then I'm just trying to not make a mountain out of molehill and be obsessive about it. I got a twinge in the other side as well, which of course then made me think it could be an ectopic pregnancy in my Fallopian tube stump that's left from the surgery. See? Crazy.
In other news I've had my first offer of baby hand me downs, which is awesome! There are some things I'm willing to spend money on if I can't find what I want for a reduced price. But most stuff I'm super happy to take hand me downs for. Babies go through things so quickly and they are barely used. It makes total sense!
Not much else going on. Still haven't heard a word from the friend who dumped on me. I got a day by day pregnancy book which is kind of fun to read over breakfast. Still not really having symptoms that I can notice, which is probably just as well. Still doing my Cycologest/progesterone twice a day at 8am/pm like clockwork. I set an alarm for the evening one- very helpful. Still trying to be good about doing yoga or walking daily (as well as cycling to work). And life goes on!
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
21dpo 5w3d - More waiting
Nothing much happening here. A very good friend of mine who is struggling with her own fertility issues upset me on Monday so that was shitty.
I still have no pregnancy symptoms and no letter telling me when my first scan or appointment is. I also have no period, so I am pretty much still pregnant, but it's very hard to tell unless I pee on a stick. It's not that I want horrible first trimester symptoms. It's just that I'm nervous something will go wrong and the pregnancy will not stick. I realize that symptoms have pretty much zero to do with this, but you can't stop your brain from trying to make sense of a crazy situation.
So I guess I'm back to waiting. I can already see that this process is going to be one long exercise in waiting for things. I might as well get used to it!
I still have no pregnancy symptoms and no letter telling me when my first scan or appointment is. I also have no period, so I am pretty much still pregnant, but it's very hard to tell unless I pee on a stick. It's not that I want horrible first trimester symptoms. It's just that I'm nervous something will go wrong and the pregnancy will not stick. I realize that symptoms have pretty much zero to do with this, but you can't stop your brain from trying to make sense of a crazy situation.
So I guess I'm back to waiting. I can already see that this process is going to be one long exercise in waiting for things. I might as well get used to it!
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 31 8dp6dt 4w3d
This morning, my cheap Ebay test strip had a faint squinter line visible on it. The First Response test was again positive. Looks like hCG levels must be rising, and so far I'm positive. At 4 weeks 3 days it's still very early. It's 14 days past ovulation. There's a lot that can go wrong in the next few weeks.
I can't believe it yet. I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy. I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps. But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.
I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me. I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be. Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided. I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments. If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it. I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard). I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.
However, a positive test is a positive test. So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.
Holy shit.
I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result. I'm not a superstitious kind of person. In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy. First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is. The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents. Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want! And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus. So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong. And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.
I can't believe it yet. I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy. I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps. But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.
I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me. I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be. Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided. I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments. If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it. I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard). I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.
However, a positive test is a positive test. So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.
Holy shit.
I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result. I'm not a superstitious kind of person. In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy. First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is. The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents. Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want! And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus. So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong. And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt
Still negative this morning. Still no period.
I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately. I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK. Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure. I still assume it will be negative. I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k. Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!
Budget update:
I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately. I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK. Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure. I still assume it will be negative. I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k. Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!
Budget update:
| Previous total | £12588 |
| Private beta hCG blood test | £134 |
| New total | £12722 |
Monday, June 6, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 29 6dp6dt
Another day, another negative. I am finding this wait much harder than the IUI wait because I know there was a fertilized embryo there. With IUI you don't know if the sperm ever met the egg, if it fertilized or what. But this is different. And definitely more difficult.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 28 5dp6dt
Three days of testing, three negative tests. Still early for sure, but getting less early. I was in the pharmacy yesterday and was tempted to buy a brand name early response test as opposed to my eBay sticks. In the end I didn't, mainly because they had a buy one get one free but only one left. I might go back today to see if they restocked, or I could just keep doing what I'm doing. The outcome won't change, although my awareness might.
I feel nothing at all physically. The progesterone/cyclogest is going fine and I've taken them regularly, 8am & 8pm. The vaginal itching seems to have subsided, thankfully!!
Based on nothing but three too early tests and a lack of feeling anything physical at all, I think the transfer didn't stick and I am not pregnant. But I will obviously keep going, with the official clinic provided test on Friday. Just starting to prepare mentally for the disappointment. At least I have three embryos on ice.
Friday, June 3, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 26 3dp6dt
I peed on a stick this morning and it was negative. But it's only a little stick, and it's only 9 days past ovulation or 3 days past my 6 day transfer. Meaning, I don't think it means anything at the moment. My clinic wants me to test on 16 days past ovulation or 10dp6dt. So I'm a bit away from that and testing now is very early and inconclusive. But it gives me something to do in the morning at least.
Because there is nothing else to do about this. Just wait. Wait wait wait. I don't physically feel anything at all, which also means pretty much nothing. Some people do swear up and down they get various 'signs' they are pregnant but plenty of people don't. Really it's just all about the waiting.
If this cycle is not successful, then I will at some point have a period, and I believe I can start prepping for a frozen embryo transfer the period after the next one. So if I am not successful there will be a gap of a month before I can start again.
I just want to know.... it's hard to be patient!
Because there is nothing else to do about this. Just wait. Wait wait wait. I don't physically feel anything at all, which also means pretty much nothing. Some people do swear up and down they get various 'signs' they are pregnant but plenty of people don't. Really it's just all about the waiting.
If this cycle is not successful, then I will at some point have a period, and I believe I can start prepping for a frozen embryo transfer the period after the next one. So if I am not successful there will be a gap of a month before I can start again.
I just want to know.... it's hard to be patient!
Thursday, June 2, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 25 Sharing
I've started to pass this blog address off to a few people I know. I'd already shared it with one or two, but now maybe it's five or six. It's a useful way for me to keep people updated without them having to ask how everything is going, and for me to provide more detail then I may do in a conversation.
Of course there are people I don't want to pass it off to at the moment- mainly my mother and the boyfriend. Because these are both things I may occasionally want to talk about, which would then make this a restrictive space.
So it's a fine line- who to share with and who not to share with. Overall I'm a pretty open person, and there's very little in here I wouldn't share with anyone else.
It's interesting because becoming a single mother is by definition a solo process. But none of us live in isolation. And realistically, it is those same single mothers who also by definition come to depend on their network or village for support- emotional particularly, but other kinds as well, that they will need.
I know that if I am successful I will need my village. So why not start now?
In other news there is no news. Today is technically day 8 past ovulation, so around the earliest I could pee on a stick and maybe start to see anything at all (although still very unlikely even if I'm lucky enough to be pregnant). But it's incredibly early, and I don't know how that works with a day 6 transfer so I didn't. Tomorrow though, I might.
Of course there are people I don't want to pass it off to at the moment- mainly my mother and the boyfriend. Because these are both things I may occasionally want to talk about, which would then make this a restrictive space.
So it's a fine line- who to share with and who not to share with. Overall I'm a pretty open person, and there's very little in here I wouldn't share with anyone else.
It's interesting because becoming a single mother is by definition a solo process. But none of us live in isolation. And realistically, it is those same single mothers who also by definition come to depend on their network or village for support- emotional particularly, but other kinds as well, that they will need.
I know that if I am successful I will need my village. So why not start now?
In other news there is no news. Today is technically day 8 past ovulation, so around the earliest I could pee on a stick and maybe start to see anything at all (although still very unlikely even if I'm lucky enough to be pregnant). But it's incredibly early, and I don't know how that works with a day 6 transfer so I didn't. Tomorrow though, I might.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 23 Transfer complete
Back from the clinic. The transfer went very smoothly with minimal discomfort. I got a few blurry pictures of the blastocyst on the screen before the transfer. I may try to get one of those off the phone and onto here later. The procedure itself was relatively simple. I changed into a hospital gown, went to the treatment room, hopped up on the table. They cleaned me and inserted a speculum, cleaned the cervix and then put a catheter just through the cervix. Then they let the embryology team know they are ready and the embryologist loads a small catheter with the embryo and solution. This is then threaded through the catheter in the womb opening and further up into the uterus. The plunger is depressed and you can actually see a little white spot on the ultrasound forming where the fluid (and embryo) come out. The catheters are then removed. The embryologist then thoroughly checks their catheter to ensure that the embryo didn't get stuck to it anywhere (as they're very sticky at this stage) and if you're given the all clear then they remove the speculum and that's it. I was given the all clear. They did warn me that sometimes the embryo gets stuck and they have to reload it and do it again, but luckily that didn't happen.
In the end, I decided to transfer the one blastocyst from the frozen egg. It had actually been the second best blastocyst (I got that wrong) in the morning but by noon, it was the same quality as the other that emerged faster. Both were already hatching, so that was all promising. The reason I decided on one was due to the risk factors of multiples and also that the success rate chances for the frozen egg is better because it's younger. If it doesn't take and I need to do a frozen embryo transfer, then I may rethink the strategy of how many I put back.
Because.... the two slow emergers from this morning developed into full good quality blastocysts by the afternoon!! Completely unexpected! I was really shocked by this news. So in the end, with 8 fresh eggs collected and 2 frozen eggs successfully thawed, I ended up with 4 good quality blastocysts; 1 from the frozen eggs and 3 from the fresh. Those are pretty good statistics so I'm very happy with the numbers. Of course I'll be even more happy with a successful pregnancy, but it seems like a good starting point. So if this transfer doesn't work, I have 3 embryos to work with. All in all, a good result.
The clinic gave me a pregnancy test and said that I need to test in 10 days. I will of course be peeing on sticks well before that. If today is day 6, then the earliest you could get a pregnancy read is day 8/9. So I'll give it a few days and probably start testing in the morning like I did before. Until the 'right' day when I will use the test they gave me.
So that's where I'm at. Exciting and terrifying. As usual.
In the end, I decided to transfer the one blastocyst from the frozen egg. It had actually been the second best blastocyst (I got that wrong) in the morning but by noon, it was the same quality as the other that emerged faster. Both were already hatching, so that was all promising. The reason I decided on one was due to the risk factors of multiples and also that the success rate chances for the frozen egg is better because it's younger. If it doesn't take and I need to do a frozen embryo transfer, then I may rethink the strategy of how many I put back.
Because.... the two slow emergers from this morning developed into full good quality blastocysts by the afternoon!! Completely unexpected! I was really shocked by this news. So in the end, with 8 fresh eggs collected and 2 frozen eggs successfully thawed, I ended up with 4 good quality blastocysts; 1 from the frozen eggs and 3 from the fresh. Those are pretty good statistics so I'm very happy with the numbers. Of course I'll be even more happy with a successful pregnancy, but it seems like a good starting point. So if this transfer doesn't work, I have 3 embryos to work with. All in all, a good result.
The clinic gave me a pregnancy test and said that I need to test in 10 days. I will of course be peeing on sticks well before that. If today is day 6, then the earliest you could get a pregnancy read is day 8/9. So I'll give it a few days and probably start testing in the morning like I did before. Until the 'right' day when I will use the test they gave me.
So that's where I'm at. Exciting and terrifying. As usual.
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