Sorry for being out of touch! The last few weeks at work were insane. Seriously, insane. It's all good stuff, but it meant that I was working non-stop training my maternity replacement, and trying to do as much as possible for the new program that we are acquiring before I left (that I will be running when I get back).
So time passed, and now I'm in the final countdown. A few different things have happened which are probably worth recording here. From arguing with my mother, to everything I'm doing to try to get baby to come on her own before the induction. Then there's getting the house ready and all the 'nesting'. By the way, I despise the word nesting. I don't think being prepared is anything special or significant. Bringing a new baby into your home requires various degrees of preparation which may mean new furniture and finding places for things and moving things around. It isn't 'nesting', it's just being fucking practical. I have heard of women who start to go insane cleaning, although again, you think about this new responsibility and the lack of a good immune system and I think yes, it's better to clean some stuff then be irresponsible. But I honestly don't think it's 'special', I think it's smart!
So I've been preparing for baby girl by getting the nursery ready, washing a ton of clothes and blankets and muslins and anything else she might use. I've tried to clear up the clutter and sort through things that I've had sitting around for some time. I mean, it was easy to have those things sitting around, but with all the new things coming into my house, I had less space, and it forced me to look at some of these piles of things.
But basically I think I'm ready. I've ordered everything that I thought was 'essential' for me. The only thing I haven't set up is the 'Next 2 me' cot because it's going to be a big obstacle in my room which is fine when baby is here, but I don't think I need to live with empty for a week more or so. But the sheets and everything that goes into it are ready, so hopefully setting it up won't take much time at all.
I've packed two of the three bags I'm taking to the hospital. Baby's bag was the first to be packed and has everything I'll need for her in hospital and to come home. In my NCT class, they suggested packing up the nappy/diaper bag as baby's bag to start to get used to it which I thought was sensible, so that's exactly what I've done. I've also packed my 'going home' bag which includes two pairs of comfortable pajamas, two outfits, a bunch of oversized cotton underwear, an entire pack of maternity pads, some disposable underwear, breast pads, nipple cream, toiletries, etc. The only bag I need to still put together is the 'labouring' bag which includes two robes (one very lightweight as a cover, and one thicker/towel weight robe), slippers, portable speaker, essential oil, magic wand (maybe), TENS unit, food & drink, etc. Basically, everything I might want while I labor. Some of it is sitting in a pile, so it's not that it would be so difficult to shove it all in a bag if it was an emergency, but I'm pretty sure I have time.
Since going on leave, I've started to be more conscientious about the things you can do to promote labor. I've been to acupuncture twice and am scheduled to go again Wednesday and Friday this week. I started with some nipple stimulation using my breast pump which I think did make me more crampy (and I managed to express some colostrum) but when I stopped it all stopped. I'll come back to it, but I wanted a break and felt it was perhaps early. I'm trying to walk although baby is definitely engaged and walking can put incredible pressure on my bladder. Today I basically walked while lifting my bump slightly just to get her off it! I've been eating 6 dates a day for weeks now, and that continues. What else? Bouncing on a ball. I'm really not convinced there is loads you can do to bring about labor. I'm scheduled for a membrane sweep next Monday and the following Wednesday as a last resort. Because I'm also scheduled for an induction on the 17th. After all I've gone through to push off the induction and have good support from the hospital staff, I'm now pretty much determined to go through with it for the sole reason that it will be much much better for my mental health if the baby arrives before my mother does on the 22nd. This is, by the way, a terrible reason to push forward with an induction, but I'm trying to balance mental health and physical health and right now mental health is winning. This is why I'm committed to pretty much doing everything possible to hope that labor starts on its own before then.
But I think my next post will be about my struggles with my mother right now. This post is already long.
Oh yeah, in other news, I've been using the elastolabo and Epi-No nightly and it's given me some confidence about the birthing process. When I started with the Epi-No, it was around 7cm. It's now up to 9.5 and while it makes me feel 'full' and isn't necessarily comfortable, it helps me to know that I've pushed something out of my vagina with that diameter. I've looked up that an average baby head is about 11cm, so that's 1.5cm away. At least it makes me feel less frightened of tearing, and has helped me to understand how having something that large lodged in your privates is likely to feel (i.e., how you feel it more in your bottom). So I'm pleased with that investment. Just hoping I actually get the chance to give birth vaginally!
Midwife appointment tomorrow. Not expecting anything unusual.
It's very strange to be off work. Right now it just feels like some sort of long weekend. It's hard to remember that life is going on without me and people are going to work and getting on with things while I putter around. On the one hand it's good because they really do leave you alone once you're on leave. On the other hand, it's just really odd to suddenly just be on the outside!
Okay, enough for now, more soon.
Showing posts with label midwife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label midwife. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2017
Sunday, January 15, 2017
35w4d - Bigger and bigger
It's weird how pregnancy is counted in weeks, but most people not involved in pregnancy think in months. So today it is one month until my due date. hard to believe!
I'm pretty much almost ready for baby girl to arrive. The nursery furniture is finally pretty much complete and I've started washing things. There is a lot of stuff to wash!! So many hand me downs. I'm not at all complaining, I think it's great to get so much free stuff, most of it really nice and hardly worn. It's just a lot of laundry and sorting since I have bags of various sizes. The nursery actually looks like a baby room which is kind of exciting. The only thing I have left is for the blackout curtains to arrive and swap over from what's there now. And I'm still on the hunt for a petite rocking chair I can put in there as most gliders are just too big for the space, but I think a rocking chair would be nice to have.
My hospital appointment with the head midwife went well, and I'm approved to go to the birth center if labor starts on its own. I've done a first draft of my birth plan. I've starting eating 6 dates a day. I'm also doing the perineal massage with Elastolabo and in a little over a week I'll start the Epi-No. I'm not sure why the Elastolabo is no longer readily available, but I have some tubes of it, so I'm using it. All of this preparation and I think it will be just my luck and I end up with a Cesarean or something. It will be what it will be, but I'm trying to do as much preparation as possible.
Meanwhile I now see the midwife every week. Not this Tuesday, but next Tuesday I'm supposed to have my appointment at the hospital in the birthing center. I wasn't able to call this week so I need to get that arranged first thing tomorrow.
Baby girl is getting bigger and so is my belly. She isn't the most energetic baby. She does move around but often it feels very mild and I have to pay attention. Sometime she clearly gets into a position where I feel her much stronger (and can see her moving) but mostly it's subtle feelings. This can stress me out because I keep getting told to pay attention if I don't feel anything, and often I really don't. Overall, pregnancy has sort of suited me. Aside from the small issues I've had, I generally feel comfortable, healthy, and fine. Pregnancy doesn't have to be this big uncomfortable ordeal. I do feel for women who clearly are having issues, but it also obviously doesn't happen to everyone. So overall I feel lucky. I mean, this is probably the only time in my life that I will be pregnant (or at least that's how I feel right now), so I'm glad that I'm sort of getting to enjoy it. I'll definitely miss feeling baby girl moving around in there. It's been truly special.
Next thing to get on top of is packing the hospital bag. My friend was down this weekend and helped me with some of that (and brought me a bunch of stuff we'd bought together when I visited in October). So I'm probably halfway packed. I was thinking of making some chocolate peanut butter oatmeal energy balls for snacking on during labor. And I should think about stocking up the freezer with some ready meals of some kind or another.
Work is so busy right now (although all in positive ways, so that's good)- I can't believe the first 2 weeks of January are already gone. Soon I won't be at work, and soon after baby will be here! I can't even begin to imagine how my life is going to change and what it's going to be like to have her here for real, separate from me. It's still terrifying to some level, but exciting as well. And it's going to be soon now!!
I'm pretty much almost ready for baby girl to arrive. The nursery furniture is finally pretty much complete and I've started washing things. There is a lot of stuff to wash!! So many hand me downs. I'm not at all complaining, I think it's great to get so much free stuff, most of it really nice and hardly worn. It's just a lot of laundry and sorting since I have bags of various sizes. The nursery actually looks like a baby room which is kind of exciting. The only thing I have left is for the blackout curtains to arrive and swap over from what's there now. And I'm still on the hunt for a petite rocking chair I can put in there as most gliders are just too big for the space, but I think a rocking chair would be nice to have.
My hospital appointment with the head midwife went well, and I'm approved to go to the birth center if labor starts on its own. I've done a first draft of my birth plan. I've starting eating 6 dates a day. I'm also doing the perineal massage with Elastolabo and in a little over a week I'll start the Epi-No. I'm not sure why the Elastolabo is no longer readily available, but I have some tubes of it, so I'm using it. All of this preparation and I think it will be just my luck and I end up with a Cesarean or something. It will be what it will be, but I'm trying to do as much preparation as possible.
Meanwhile I now see the midwife every week. Not this Tuesday, but next Tuesday I'm supposed to have my appointment at the hospital in the birthing center. I wasn't able to call this week so I need to get that arranged first thing tomorrow.
Baby girl is getting bigger and so is my belly. She isn't the most energetic baby. She does move around but often it feels very mild and I have to pay attention. Sometime she clearly gets into a position where I feel her much stronger (and can see her moving) but mostly it's subtle feelings. This can stress me out because I keep getting told to pay attention if I don't feel anything, and often I really don't. Overall, pregnancy has sort of suited me. Aside from the small issues I've had, I generally feel comfortable, healthy, and fine. Pregnancy doesn't have to be this big uncomfortable ordeal. I do feel for women who clearly are having issues, but it also obviously doesn't happen to everyone. So overall I feel lucky. I mean, this is probably the only time in my life that I will be pregnant (or at least that's how I feel right now), so I'm glad that I'm sort of getting to enjoy it. I'll definitely miss feeling baby girl moving around in there. It's been truly special.
Next thing to get on top of is packing the hospital bag. My friend was down this weekend and helped me with some of that (and brought me a bunch of stuff we'd bought together when I visited in October). So I'm probably halfway packed. I was thinking of making some chocolate peanut butter oatmeal energy balls for snacking on during labor. And I should think about stocking up the freezer with some ready meals of some kind or another.
Work is so busy right now (although all in positive ways, so that's good)- I can't believe the first 2 weeks of January are already gone. Soon I won't be at work, and soon after baby will be here! I can't even begin to imagine how my life is going to change and what it's going to be like to have her here for real, separate from me. It's still terrifying to some level, but exciting as well. And it's going to be soon now!!
Friday, January 6, 2017
34w2d - Obstetrician meeting
I am pleased to report that my meeting with the consultant obstetrician yesterday went very well. Unlike the first one I saw, this one was very relaxed about my birth. She checked that I knew I was there to discuss induction. I did, and said that I was inclined to not have one at 39w but would be open to one at 40w as long as I had a check first to see if anything was happening on its own. She then suggested that was fine, and that I actually wait a couple more days, especially if I had a 'stretch and sweep'. So an induction has been tentatively scheduled for February 17th. But, she also said that if I don't want one then, I don't have to have one and can just be monitored. So basically, she offered the expectant monitoring without my having to ask for it. It was all a very reasonable and unexciting conversation, so that was great.
I had my last hypnobirthing class last night which was more about after birth and once baby arrives. Which had a lot to do with breast feeding. I am intending to breast feed, so I wasn't in need of any convincing. I did say though, that for some people it just doesn't work, no matter how well intentioned, and that similar to c-sections or other things related to birth, we need to stop demonizing other choices people make. I don't have any reason at this point to think I won't be able to breast feed, and I will try everything possible to get it going. But if something is wrong and I ultimately need to switch to formula? Then that's fine too.
On Monday I have my last hospital appointment for a while, this time with one of the head midwives at the birth center. My last hoop to jump through is to get permission to be allowed into the birth center if labor starts naturally. They are not inclined to allow this initially due to my age (of course) because they want continuous monitoring which can only be done on the ward. Except there doesn't seem to be any benefit to continuous monitoring, and anyway, the birth center is one floor down from the ward, so if needed, I can be moved. Anyway, I'm hoping that the meeting goes smoothly like yesterday's did and then everything is settled.
In the meanwhile I've been working on my birth plan. I'm torn between some of the visual/picture ones I've seen and just writing one out with bullet points. At the moment I'm going bullet points because I don't have the software on my computer here to do the visual one. I'll send a draft copy to my doulas to get their input and point out anything I may have missed.
The first week of January has really flown by. Granted it was a 4-day week. Still, baby girl is going to be here before I know it. I can't believe it.
I had my last hypnobirthing class last night which was more about after birth and once baby arrives. Which had a lot to do with breast feeding. I am intending to breast feed, so I wasn't in need of any convincing. I did say though, that for some people it just doesn't work, no matter how well intentioned, and that similar to c-sections or other things related to birth, we need to stop demonizing other choices people make. I don't have any reason at this point to think I won't be able to breast feed, and I will try everything possible to get it going. But if something is wrong and I ultimately need to switch to formula? Then that's fine too.
On Monday I have my last hospital appointment for a while, this time with one of the head midwives at the birth center. My last hoop to jump through is to get permission to be allowed into the birth center if labor starts naturally. They are not inclined to allow this initially due to my age (of course) because they want continuous monitoring which can only be done on the ward. Except there doesn't seem to be any benefit to continuous monitoring, and anyway, the birth center is one floor down from the ward, so if needed, I can be moved. Anyway, I'm hoping that the meeting goes smoothly like yesterday's did and then everything is settled.
In the meanwhile I've been working on my birth plan. I'm torn between some of the visual/picture ones I've seen and just writing one out with bullet points. At the moment I'm going bullet points because I don't have the software on my computer here to do the visual one. I'll send a draft copy to my doulas to get their input and point out anything I may have missed.
The first week of January has really flown by. Granted it was a 4-day week. Still, baby girl is going to be here before I know it. I can't believe it.
Friday, December 30, 2016
33w2d - Less comfortable
I mean, it was bound to happen. But for sure the belly is getting bigger and the bladder pressure is getting stronger. Positively, I don't have to get up in the night to pee, but during the day I sort of feel like I need to pee all the time just because of the pressure on the bladder.
My hypnobirthing class is almost finished, and my NCT class is about to begin. The boyfriend has decided that he would like to be there for the birth so I said that he had to come to NCT class with me. I hope that goes well. He also needs to meet my doulas, and that's also in progress.
I need to chase up the solicitors here to get my will set up this month. I got in touch with them last month and asked them to email me. They called, and I repeated that I wanted them to email me, and then I got nothing through. This is not necessarily a great sign for these solicitors, but I just need a will drawn up and sorted before the birth.
I've started building the nursery furniture as I'm off work this week between Christmas and New Year. It's all gone slower than I hoped, although I think I've built the most tricky piece. I built the wardrobe and the storage unit. I still have to build the crib and the changing table. However, I can't build those until I move the sofa-bed downstairs, or rather, get someone else to move the sofa-bed downstairs. The storage units look great though, and they do hold a lot. So that's fab. Once everything is built, then the washing and sorting can begin!
Birth seems like such a foreign concept. It's amazing to me how unaware we are in modern society of the various mechanics of birth. They hypnobirthing class has been really good- and I'm looking forward to the NCT class as well. Although I'm intrigued, I'm not exactly looking forward to the birth. I can't imagine how it will be, so I try not to imagine how it will be. I'd like to have a good birth, to be one with my body, to sink into myself and emerge with a baby. But who knows. I have a bunch of appointments coming up this week and next. First is my 34 week scan on Tuesday. Wednesday I have an appointment with the consultant to discuss (and possibly schedule) induction. Did I say this already? I'm going to decline the early induction but I think I'll agree to induction at 40w in the hopes that I go into labor before then. Then the following week I have an appointment with one of the head midwives at the hospital to get permission if I do go into labor naturally that I can go into the birth center as opposed to straight to the delivery ward. I didn't really anticipate all this... hassle about giving birth.
In other news I've started perinial massage with ElastoLabo in the hopes of reducing any tearing during birth. This is probably one of my bigger concerns- I mean everything else heals but tears here can screw you up for life. The massage is not particularly comfortable and not the easiest to manage position-wise. But I'll stick with it because it really can't hurt and it seems like a good idea. At week 36 I can add the Epi-No to my routine. Watch, with my luck I'll be doing all this and then end up with a Cesarean! But anyway, as I say, it can't hurt and lets me feel like I'm doing something proactively to address my concerns.
I've had a mild cold all week which hasn't helped with anything. It's not a very bad cold, but enough to make me feel slightly under the weather. Hopefully I can get rid of it fully soon.
My hypnobirthing class is almost finished, and my NCT class is about to begin. The boyfriend has decided that he would like to be there for the birth so I said that he had to come to NCT class with me. I hope that goes well. He also needs to meet my doulas, and that's also in progress.
I need to chase up the solicitors here to get my will set up this month. I got in touch with them last month and asked them to email me. They called, and I repeated that I wanted them to email me, and then I got nothing through. This is not necessarily a great sign for these solicitors, but I just need a will drawn up and sorted before the birth.
I've started building the nursery furniture as I'm off work this week between Christmas and New Year. It's all gone slower than I hoped, although I think I've built the most tricky piece. I built the wardrobe and the storage unit. I still have to build the crib and the changing table. However, I can't build those until I move the sofa-bed downstairs, or rather, get someone else to move the sofa-bed downstairs. The storage units look great though, and they do hold a lot. So that's fab. Once everything is built, then the washing and sorting can begin!
Birth seems like such a foreign concept. It's amazing to me how unaware we are in modern society of the various mechanics of birth. They hypnobirthing class has been really good- and I'm looking forward to the NCT class as well. Although I'm intrigued, I'm not exactly looking forward to the birth. I can't imagine how it will be, so I try not to imagine how it will be. I'd like to have a good birth, to be one with my body, to sink into myself and emerge with a baby. But who knows. I have a bunch of appointments coming up this week and next. First is my 34 week scan on Tuesday. Wednesday I have an appointment with the consultant to discuss (and possibly schedule) induction. Did I say this already? I'm going to decline the early induction but I think I'll agree to induction at 40w in the hopes that I go into labor before then. Then the following week I have an appointment with one of the head midwives at the hospital to get permission if I do go into labor naturally that I can go into the birth center as opposed to straight to the delivery ward. I didn't really anticipate all this... hassle about giving birth.
In other news I've started perinial massage with ElastoLabo in the hopes of reducing any tearing during birth. This is probably one of my bigger concerns- I mean everything else heals but tears here can screw you up for life. The massage is not particularly comfortable and not the easiest to manage position-wise. But I'll stick with it because it really can't hurt and it seems like a good idea. At week 36 I can add the Epi-No to my routine. Watch, with my luck I'll be doing all this and then end up with a Cesarean! But anyway, as I say, it can't hurt and lets me feel like I'm doing something proactively to address my concerns.
I've had a mild cold all week which hasn't helped with anything. It's not a very bad cold, but enough to make me feel slightly under the weather. Hopefully I can get rid of it fully soon.
Monday, December 19, 2016
31w5d - Strange dream
Last night was the first time I had a dream about giving birth. I've had dreams about having a child, or being pregnant, but typically the actual 'birth' is something that gets glossed over in my dreams. Perhaps because this is becoming more prominent and I'm doing more reading and classes, but last night I dreamed about the birth itself. It was very strange of course, because I don't have real experience to draw on, so it was very surreal. On the plus side, it wasn't awful. So there's that.
I had my second official meeting with my doulas yesterday. That was good, they're really great. I need to start writing up my birth plan. We covered a lot of areas and things they will help me with in the upcoming weeks. One of them always goes with me to the hypnobirthing class which is nice for me and a win win for them, so all good. One will come with me to my scan on January 4th and the other will come with me to my obstetricians meeting on January 5th. Not entirely sure why I'm having the scan, though I'm not upset because I like seeing baby girl. The obstetrician meeting will be to discuss induction. I think right now I am going to not agree to a 39w induction but I will agree to a 40w induction in the hopes that I will go into labor before then. The other meeting I need to set up is with one of the head of midwifery at the Rosie to get permission that if I do go into labor I can go to the birth center and not straight to the delivery unit. Apparently this is what is recommended for women over 40 but I'm not very happy with that. If I go into normal labor, I want the chance to have a comfortable labor in the lovely birthing center. If something goes wrong, or I decide I need medical help, then they can stick me in the lift and take me upstairs to the delivery unit. But I don't want to start there.
So that's what's going on in pregnancy world at the moment. The pregnancy itself is progressing fine. Baby girl is obviously getting bigger so I can feel her more. Last night she really poked out prominently which was almost shocking! I wish I'd filmed it. I still cycle to and from work which feels perfectly fine. I might even be getting used to my hand and feet issues as they don't seem to be bothering me as much. I guess I'm in one of the 'accepting' phases of physicality. Give it a week or two and I'll be more uncomfortable again!
I can't believe that it's the last week of work before the holiday break. When I get back to work in January, it's a one month countdown until I'm off on maternity leave. It's so fast!! I'm starting to look forward to the change and for baby girl to go from an idea to reality. And I can't believe it's going to be happening so soon. I can't even begin to imagine all the different ways in which my life is going to change, but I'm getting excited about it.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
22w1d - Advanced maternal age
On Tuesday I had a meeting with the obstetrician at the hospital. This was scheduled because I am borderline for pregnancy risk factors- my age, my weight, and my history of ovarian cyst and abdominal surgery. The meeting, which was very short, was relatively uneventful. However, the registrar said that due to my age, they recommend I have an induction at 39 weeks. Apparently, once you are 40, your risk of stillbirth doubles from week 39 compared to a younger women. This sounds awful, but what it really means is your risk goes from 1:2000 to 1:1000 which still means you have a .01% risk of stillbirth. Still, this was not news I was expecting or prepared for. It sent me to looking through the internet and forums to confirm this information which does seem legitimate. However, it sort of sucks. Follow up reading suggests that induction does not increase the chance of a cesarean section, although I think this is widely held belief. I guess in part the reality is that older mothers in general have a higher rate of cesareans.
This will be something I need to continue to discuss with my midwife and doulas. I really wasn't planning to have the baby early, and I wasn't even thinking about induction at this stage. I guess I need to, and I need to start thinking about when to do it. It seems unclear if the testing shows a difference between 39w and 39w6d so I could get very close to my due date, or I could just decide to go a week early. Although this would only mean I took a week off of work. Decisions to make. But at least I have time to see how the pregnancy continues to progress and talk to my support team.
In other news, I'm off to the States tomorrow for a couple of weeks which should be good. Going to see family and friends which I'm looking forward to. Although I never look forward to the long flight. Hopefully all will be well. I got compression socks to wear so I can be a good pregnant woman.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
17w6d - Popping out
I've been running about and procrastinating less, so less time to catch up. Also, not entirely sure what to catch up on. Pregnancy in the second trimester is so far mostly uneventful. I generally feel fine. Time seems to be a bit slow (it seemed to go so fast to get to 10 weeks, the next 10 not so fast). The biggest news I probably have is that people who know me are 'noticing' the change in my shape. I'm definitely getting the rounded quality that is definitely pregnant and not just fat. I think this is because everything pushes up which rounds out your top bit (say, between the belly button and ribs). It's actually strange for me to 'look' pregnant, like, I keep shocking myself when I see myself in a mirror. I get a bit weirded out though as some women on the pregnancy board ahead of mine say they are only just showing or only haven't put on any weight. Really? Because I think I'm feeling fairly normal, but that makes me feel a bit like a pig.
I haven't weighed myself for a week or two. I'm sure I've put on a couple of pounds but I don't otherwise feel like I've gained too much. My midwife doesn't weigh me which I think is interesting. In fact she just asked my weight at the first meeting we had. I know in the states a doctor would weigh you every time, and be providing commentary.
In my social network, my mother continues to irritate me by being manipulative and difficult regarding 'what I need' for new baby. This really amounts to what she wants, not what I need. She doesn't ask me what I want or need, makes assumptions, and then gets either grumpy or manipulative to try and get her way if I disagree. My 'best friend' is still not talking to me because I'm pregnant and she can't handle it; which I continue to try to be sensitive to, but actually doesn't change how much her actions hurts me. On the other hand, I've had a very positive talk with a friend about the possibility of them being the legal guardians for my daughter if something were to happen to me. I've also had friends spontaneously offer to throw me a baby shower which was unexpected and very sweet. In fairness the love and positivity I get from my non-frustrating friends & family far outweighs the bad stuff. I should try to focus on that more and on the irritants less.
Anything else of note? In no particular order... With the growing belly comes a more regular feeling of 'fullness' which isn't entirely enjoyable. I know it will only get worse, I'm just waiting for my senses to adapt to the new normal and stop making it feel mildly uncomfortable. The prune project seems to be working, and constipation is not nearly so bad. I've been thinking about starting some letters to my daughter, that I could compile into a little book or something to give her when she's older. Is that tacky? My next scan (the anatomy scan) is in 2 weeks, meeting with obstetrician is in 4, then I go to the States and my next midwife appointment is when I come back. Right now that seems like forever away.
I haven't weighed myself for a week or two. I'm sure I've put on a couple of pounds but I don't otherwise feel like I've gained too much. My midwife doesn't weigh me which I think is interesting. In fact she just asked my weight at the first meeting we had. I know in the states a doctor would weigh you every time, and be providing commentary.
In my social network, my mother continues to irritate me by being manipulative and difficult regarding 'what I need' for new baby. This really amounts to what she wants, not what I need. She doesn't ask me what I want or need, makes assumptions, and then gets either grumpy or manipulative to try and get her way if I disagree. My 'best friend' is still not talking to me because I'm pregnant and she can't handle it; which I continue to try to be sensitive to, but actually doesn't change how much her actions hurts me. On the other hand, I've had a very positive talk with a friend about the possibility of them being the legal guardians for my daughter if something were to happen to me. I've also had friends spontaneously offer to throw me a baby shower which was unexpected and very sweet. In fairness the love and positivity I get from my non-frustrating friends & family far outweighs the bad stuff. I should try to focus on that more and on the irritants less.
Anything else of note? In no particular order... With the growing belly comes a more regular feeling of 'fullness' which isn't entirely enjoyable. I know it will only get worse, I'm just waiting for my senses to adapt to the new normal and stop making it feel mildly uncomfortable. The prune project seems to be working, and constipation is not nearly so bad. I've been thinking about starting some letters to my daughter, that I could compile into a little book or something to give her when she's older. Is that tacky? My next scan (the anatomy scan) is in 2 weeks, meeting with obstetrician is in 4, then I go to the States and my next midwife appointment is when I come back. Right now that seems like forever away.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
16w - Constipation
It seems uncanny that on almost all of the pregnancy apps and in the books I read, they have started to mention constipation. I'm afraid I'm suffering from it, and it is not fun. I eat a lot of vegetables and fruit, and I've just added two morning prunes to my diet to hope that helps even things out. Yesterday I had to retreat to the bathroom twice for over 15 minutes each time. I work in an open plan office and in a small team. People notice when you disappear. That's all I'm saying. Aside from the general unpleasantness and fear that I'm going to give myself hemorrhoids, or rather, worsen what I already have. I've been looking online for additional remedies I can add to my diet. The one thing they all say is to drink more water which is something of a downfall for me because I've never been able to drink that much water (or drink anything in general, they don't call me the camel for nothing). I've increased my water drinking with the pregnancy, but I still probably drink less than your average person. So I'm going to work on that as well. Blah.
Midwife appointment yesterday went well. My blood pressure is very good. Better in fact, then when I was not pregnant. I asked if it's normal for your blood pressure to drop during pregnancy and the midwife said at this stage yes. Anyway, that's alright. The midwife was annoyed on my behalf that when I went for the 12 week scan they didn't do the Nuchal screening test. Although the NIPT is a more accurate test, it's not a fail-safe and a double check would have been completely reasonable. I was a little bit annoyed at myself for not advocating better at the time. Now it's too late. So I'll just have to rely on the NIPT results alone. We also went through all the results of my blood work that I got done after my first appointment and everything was normal and good. Including my iron, which I was concerned about. I also learned that I am blood type O+. I'm not sure I knew that, although my mom did say she thought I was O something.
My gut area is feeling bloated again, although hard to tell if it's from growing baby girl or from constipation. I mean, the belly is going to keep growing, so these feelings are normal. I'm just not sure what it's from at the moment. In the long run it probably doesn't matter. I'm still wearing my regular clothes however. Maybe not the tightest stuff, but most of it seems fine.
I intermittently feel upset that my best friend has gone back to not talking to me. I can't remember what I've put here about this situation. Suffice to say, she's been trying to get pregnant (for kid #3) at the same time I was trying to get pregnant. I got pregnant, she didn't. She stopped talking to me. Then she started talking to me again a month later, but really it was only because she got pregnant, but then things went wrong and she lost the pregnancy, so now she's not speaking to me again. She's struggled with fertility issues for years, and it's amazing she has the two kids she already has. She's been depressed and probably hasn't slept well for 4 years. So I understand she's not well. But even though I understand that, it doesn't mean that her absence of friendship doesn't hurt me at the same time. It's upsetting. And I have a lot of other friends who are awesome and interested and available so I feel rude for complaining about this one friendship, especially to people who are being so great. So I'm also trying not to talk about it to too many people, but it still upsets me a lot.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
15w6d - Fast and slow
Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks officially. I remember when I hit 10 weeks and I was thinking, wow, it's so fast! 25% done with pregnancy!! Now time is really going much slower. Still 4 weeks to go until the half way point. I'm not complaining, it's just interesting that the first 10 weeks seemed to pass in no time at all, and now it feels like being pregnant is just the normal way of things and I'll be pregnant forever.
Of course if I think objectively about the calendar, this is not true at all. February isn't all that far away in the grand scheme of things. It's almost September!
I've decided to go to the States in October when I'll be 24/25 weeks pregnant. A reasonable time to travel I think. I didn't go at all last year, and I don't know when I'd feel up for going next year (if at all). So it seemed like a good idea. It's a quick trip for me- only 2 weeks. But should be good.
Because I bought the air ticket, I'm going to try and buy very little else this month. Although a colleague told me about someone selling a 'next2me' crib in her local swap group which is what I'm after at a good price. So I'm going to try and buy very little actively, but if things fall into my lap, I'm not going to ignore them either.
I got my newborn pack of gnappies this morning. They are so tiny!! I really hope they work out. Although still not the cheapest option by a long shot. Maybe later, if I use cloth inserts over disposable. But the disposable inserts still come out at up to 7x the price of the cheapest disposable nappy. Considering there is less material to them (as an insert and not a full nappy) this is particularly frustrating. Even if the materials are more eco friendly, I don't think I believe the mark-up is fully warranted. But anyway, we'll see how it goes.
Later today I have my first real midwife appointment as the first one was mostly an intake appointment. Sort of looking forward to it. Not really sure what happens. Maybe I'll update tomorrow.
Of course if I think objectively about the calendar, this is not true at all. February isn't all that far away in the grand scheme of things. It's almost September!
I've decided to go to the States in October when I'll be 24/25 weeks pregnant. A reasonable time to travel I think. I didn't go at all last year, and I don't know when I'd feel up for going next year (if at all). So it seemed like a good idea. It's a quick trip for me- only 2 weeks. But should be good.
Because I bought the air ticket, I'm going to try and buy very little else this month. Although a colleague told me about someone selling a 'next2me' crib in her local swap group which is what I'm after at a good price. So I'm going to try and buy very little actively, but if things fall into my lap, I'm not going to ignore them either.
I got my newborn pack of gnappies this morning. They are so tiny!! I really hope they work out. Although still not the cheapest option by a long shot. Maybe later, if I use cloth inserts over disposable. But the disposable inserts still come out at up to 7x the price of the cheapest disposable nappy. Considering there is less material to them (as an insert and not a full nappy) this is particularly frustrating. Even if the materials are more eco friendly, I don't think I believe the mark-up is fully warranted. But anyway, we'll see how it goes.
Later today I have my first real midwife appointment as the first one was mostly an intake appointment. Sort of looking forward to it. Not really sure what happens. Maybe I'll update tomorrow.
Monday, August 15, 2016
13w5d - Sneaking doubt
I've decided to change the timing to my actual week count according to my midwife. It's just easier.
So at almost 14 weeks, I again feel 'not pregnant'. Nothing has happened, and nothing has changed. Or perhaps I get more comfortable with the subtle changes so they seem less new. At any rate, this means the doubt starts to creep in that something has happened that I am otherwise unaware of. I of course have no reason to think that something has happened. I have had no cramps, no spotting, nothing at all to suggest I am anything other than pregnant. It's just weird.
This weekend some friends of mine came to visit with their 2 children. I haven't seen them for a while, and I had not yet met new baby who was not so new anymore. They brought me a whole bag filled of baby clothes and some other goodies which was awesome. Although some are not labeled in English so it's not entirely obviously what size they are for, but if I put them next to the ones that I can read, it will be easy enough to work out. I mean really, what fits the baby fits, when it doesn't, they've outgrown it! For some reason I expected some of the hand-me-downs from their youngest who is a boy, but they managed to give me a bag from their eldest who is a girl. Apparently it's been used by someone else in between, but who cares? What was funny was how pink and purple everything was! Also white with some grey and beige, but mostly pink and purple. I guess that's the way forward! I was saying to a work colleague today that someone really needs to make non-gendered baby clothes in rainbow colors or lovely greens and oranges and yellows and browns. Why so much gendered clothing? It's ridiculous. It's also why one of the few items of clothing I am likely to indulge in is this number from a designer I've seen at shows in London for years.
One of the things my friends also brought was their fetal Doppler. We gave it a go and couldn't find the heartbeat. This was not entirely unexpected because first, it says it's for use from 14 weeks which I'm not yet; second, I've got extra belly padding which makes finding something the size of a lentil inside of a lemon inside my gut less easy; and third, from my NIPT scan, I learned I have an anterior placenta which can also make it difficult to find the heartbeat. While this didn't immediately fill me with panic, it also didn't help with my general feelings of 'not pregnant'. I don't have a midwife appointment for 2 weeks, so there is nothing to do but go about my daily business and hope that something starts to happen at some point that indicates to me that I might actually be pregnant! I mean, other than not having my period, having a tiny bit of a bump obvious to only me, firmer breasts, and more sensitive nipples.
In other news I've scored some great buys on eBay for maternity clothes and I will continue to scour the listings. I got a few things today. I think I've spent in total £25 on a few auctions and have 3 tops, 3 pairs of jeans, and two pairs of leggings. Considering one pair of jeans new is around £25, I feel pretty good about this. Some of it arrived today and looks great, so I'll wash it and have everything ready for when I need it. Currently scouting pajamas, a bathing suit, and more tops.
So at almost 14 weeks, I again feel 'not pregnant'. Nothing has happened, and nothing has changed. Or perhaps I get more comfortable with the subtle changes so they seem less new. At any rate, this means the doubt starts to creep in that something has happened that I am otherwise unaware of. I of course have no reason to think that something has happened. I have had no cramps, no spotting, nothing at all to suggest I am anything other than pregnant. It's just weird.
This weekend some friends of mine came to visit with their 2 children. I haven't seen them for a while, and I had not yet met new baby who was not so new anymore. They brought me a whole bag filled of baby clothes and some other goodies which was awesome. Although some are not labeled in English so it's not entirely obviously what size they are for, but if I put them next to the ones that I can read, it will be easy enough to work out. I mean really, what fits the baby fits, when it doesn't, they've outgrown it! For some reason I expected some of the hand-me-downs from their youngest who is a boy, but they managed to give me a bag from their eldest who is a girl. Apparently it's been used by someone else in between, but who cares? What was funny was how pink and purple everything was! Also white with some grey and beige, but mostly pink and purple. I guess that's the way forward! I was saying to a work colleague today that someone really needs to make non-gendered baby clothes in rainbow colors or lovely greens and oranges and yellows and browns. Why so much gendered clothing? It's ridiculous. It's also why one of the few items of clothing I am likely to indulge in is this number from a designer I've seen at shows in London for years.
One of the things my friends also brought was their fetal Doppler. We gave it a go and couldn't find the heartbeat. This was not entirely unexpected because first, it says it's for use from 14 weeks which I'm not yet; second, I've got extra belly padding which makes finding something the size of a lentil inside of a lemon inside my gut less easy; and third, from my NIPT scan, I learned I have an anterior placenta which can also make it difficult to find the heartbeat. While this didn't immediately fill me with panic, it also didn't help with my general feelings of 'not pregnant'. I don't have a midwife appointment for 2 weeks, so there is nothing to do but go about my daily business and hope that something starts to happen at some point that indicates to me that I might actually be pregnant! I mean, other than not having my period, having a tiny bit of a bump obvious to only me, firmer breasts, and more sensitive nipples.
In other news I've scored some great buys on eBay for maternity clothes and I will continue to scour the listings. I got a few things today. I think I've spent in total £25 on a few auctions and have 3 tops, 3 pairs of jeans, and two pairs of leggings. Considering one pair of jeans new is around £25, I feel pretty good about this. Some of it arrived today and looks great, so I'll wash it and have everything ready for when I need it. Currently scouting pajamas, a bathing suit, and more tops.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
48 dpo 9w2d - First midwife appointment
I've had my first midwife appointment which was fine. It took some time, as there seemed to be a lot of information to enter into the system. I would say the meeting was mostly procedural. There wasn't necessarily any new information from this meeting. She went over with me what vitamins I should be taking, what I should and shouldn't be eating, that I should be exercising but not adding new hardcore routines. I brought along a printout of the donor profile so I could answer any questions about 'the other side' which was useful. We touched briefly on where I might want to give birth, and who might be in the room with me. I don't know yet enough about my pregnancy to make any decisions about where to give birth, although I know I really don't want to do it at home. I think I will be too high risk for that anyway, but it otherwise it really doesn't interest me. The birth center is literally attached to the delivery hospital (same building) so you can always start off in the birth center and be quickly transferred if needed, which seems reasonable. But I'll find out more about how it works later in the pregnancy. We also discussed my relationship with the boyfriend and she agreed that a doula is probably a good idea for me, even if the boyfriend decides he wants to be involved. So that was good to talk about albeit briefly.
Part of the meeting was clearly to assess risk factors. Because of my age (almost 42) and my weight (BMI 34.5) and my history of an abdominal surgery (ovary removal) this puts me at various risks for various things. So one of the things she set me up with was a meeting with an obstetrician. I guess in the UK you don't meet with an obstetrician regularly unless you are high risk. So I'll go to be assessed and either they'll continue to want to see me or they'll release me back to my midwife team/GP. I may also have an extra scan due to my age. I'm also at a higher risk for pre-eclampsia so I'll need to start taking a daily baby aspirin at 12 weeks.
But basically that was all fine. The next steps are that I scheduled a blood test for Thursday and I need to also provide a urine sample (in the smallest urine pot known to man I might add). I am now expecting 3 letters: a welcome from the midwife detailing our discussion and baby aspirin stuff; an appointment letter for my 12 week scan at the hospital which includes a permission form for the Nuchal screening; and, an appointment letter for a meeting with the obstetrician. I've also confirmed that they don't do NIPT yet, so I'm going to schedule that next week. The midwife told me about another Cambridge based private clinic that offers it, but it's cheaper at the one I found already, so I think I'll stick to that. I think I'll also go for the Serenity Plus test over the Harmony. I don't think it makes very much difference at all, except I think I'll get the Serenity results quicker.
Oh, and I also asked about the Cyclogest/progesterone because I'm down to just a few days left. The midwife said I needed to call the IVF clinic to ask how long I should be on it, so I called them when I got back and had a very nice chat with one of the nurses who was there throughout my procedures. She said they normally would end around 7 weeks, and they're happy for it to stop at 9 weeks. She said it's up to me if I stop cold turkey or reduce then taper but it shouldn't make any difference at this point. So I think I will do a full dose tomorrow which is officially 9 weeks if you follow the retrieval/fertilization date. Then I will drop to one a day until I run out and I might every other day the last one or two. So that's one bit of good news that I don't have to be sticking things up my bottom twice a day very soon!
In other news, another woman on the forum in my group has miscarried which is just awful. I was hoping that we would not be the standard statistic as a group and yet we have reached it. And there could still yet be more. It's so heartbreaking. I try to stick to my mantra but am well aware there are still some big hurdles to get past. The NIPT and the 12 week scan being the big ones. I know that there is nothing I can do. What is going to happen is going to happen. The not knowing can be just so hard though.
Part of the meeting was clearly to assess risk factors. Because of my age (almost 42) and my weight (BMI 34.5) and my history of an abdominal surgery (ovary removal) this puts me at various risks for various things. So one of the things she set me up with was a meeting with an obstetrician. I guess in the UK you don't meet with an obstetrician regularly unless you are high risk. So I'll go to be assessed and either they'll continue to want to see me or they'll release me back to my midwife team/GP. I may also have an extra scan due to my age. I'm also at a higher risk for pre-eclampsia so I'll need to start taking a daily baby aspirin at 12 weeks.
But basically that was all fine. The next steps are that I scheduled a blood test for Thursday and I need to also provide a urine sample (in the smallest urine pot known to man I might add). I am now expecting 3 letters: a welcome from the midwife detailing our discussion and baby aspirin stuff; an appointment letter for my 12 week scan at the hospital which includes a permission form for the Nuchal screening; and, an appointment letter for a meeting with the obstetrician. I've also confirmed that they don't do NIPT yet, so I'm going to schedule that next week. The midwife told me about another Cambridge based private clinic that offers it, but it's cheaper at the one I found already, so I think I'll stick to that. I think I'll also go for the Serenity Plus test over the Harmony. I don't think it makes very much difference at all, except I think I'll get the Serenity results quicker.
Oh, and I also asked about the Cyclogest/progesterone because I'm down to just a few days left. The midwife said I needed to call the IVF clinic to ask how long I should be on it, so I called them when I got back and had a very nice chat with one of the nurses who was there throughout my procedures. She said they normally would end around 7 weeks, and they're happy for it to stop at 9 weeks. She said it's up to me if I stop cold turkey or reduce then taper but it shouldn't make any difference at this point. So I think I will do a full dose tomorrow which is officially 9 weeks if you follow the retrieval/fertilization date. Then I will drop to one a day until I run out and I might every other day the last one or two. So that's one bit of good news that I don't have to be sticking things up my bottom twice a day very soon!
In other news, another woman on the forum in my group has miscarried which is just awful. I was hoping that we would not be the standard statistic as a group and yet we have reached it. And there could still yet be more. It's so heartbreaking. I try to stick to my mantra but am well aware there are still some big hurdles to get past. The NIPT and the 12 week scan being the big ones. I know that there is nothing I can do. What is going to happen is going to happen. The not knowing can be just so hard though.
Monday, July 11, 2016
47dpo 9w1d - Reflections
First a quick update. I finally heard from my friend after 4 weeks of nothing. I was very relieved to hear from her, and she apologized, which was good. I think we're okay now. It was an unpleasant blip but at least it's sorted.
First midwife appointment is tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have something to record about how that goes. I'm very interested in finding out about the NIPT availability. And also anything else having to do with my new status!
I read a couple of news pieces recently about single mothers; one is here and the other is here.
Obviously there are many, many other articles about single motherhood, these are just the two I read over the weekend. What I found particularly interesting, and shocking were some of the comments on both pieces. While I have immersed myself in the decision to become a single mother, I am continually surprised that other people would voice such ignorant and insulting responses to the concept. My favorite ignorant ranting is about the 'unnatural' method through which a single woman becomes a mother. I mean, of course, for starters, many women use a known donor and techniques that are pretty much 'natural'. But more insultingly, I wonder if these commentators are aware of how many married couples also must turn to reproductive technologies to have a child, which may include the use of a donor (either egg or sperm). I'm sure they wouldn't be quite so quick to gnash their teeth if it was a married couple pursing IVF, but as soon as it's a single woman, all bets are off the table. This goes hand in hand with the ever popular 'why don't you just adopt?' line of commentary which again one must wonder if this comment is said to every married couple they know. I mean if there are so many children so desperate for homes out there (and so easy to adopt?!) then surely the best place for them in your misguided view of the world would be in a home with a mother and father. So really, no couple should reproduce if they could adopt, or are you being hypocritical.....
Then there are the comments about these women 'sponging off the state and tax dollars' which I find entertaining because it doesn't say anywhere that the single mothers are needing social welfare. But so what if they were? Do only married couples qualify for social welfare? If you are married and have a child, but you can't afford it, it's okay for you to have social welfare but not a single mother? Certainly in my case I am preparing financially and have been preparing financially for the burden of having a child, and it's not something I've undertaken lightly. Which is of course very different to the people on TV on '16 and pregnant' and other such people who get pregnant with no clear means to support a child. But if I end up in trouble and I need social benefit, should I not be deserving of it because I chose to have a child? Troubling.
And finally the often trod out statistics about the harm to a child from a single parent household. Of course no one wishes to harm their child, and you could turn to Philip Larkin for advice here. But many of those statistics have to do with situations which are very different from a choice mother's situation. I've also seen more nuanced statistics that suggest that the issues have far more to do with poverty level and age of parent than 'single parenthood' as a block grouping. But again, so what? Are children not harmed by coupled families? Of course they are. Your odds may be somewhat statistically higher, but there is risk to everything in life. Parents do the best they can with what they have, hopefully. But all people can run into trouble and things can go wrong, so either no one should have children, or get off your high horse.
Other comments of irritation were people insisting that a sperm donor is a father which I suppose is a matter of semantics and pedantry and if you wanted to I suppose you could comfortably say that a donor is a biological father in the same way that a birth mother is not considered the 'mother' of a child. To parent a child and to give your genetic material to the making of a child are I think, everyone an agree, two very different things. I believe it is good to provide distinctions for children and set their expectations. So when I tell my future child they have a donor and not a daddy, it will be clear on what I see the difference is between a genetic scientific fact and a parent who cares for you and loves you. If I did anything otherwise it would set a false expectation. Of course a child has a genetic father, but if you can't see how throwing words around like that is confusing to a child, then you are probably the problem actually.
At any rate, I'm happy that I am generally supported and not assaulted by my network of friends and family. Although I equally am aware that some may hold contrary opinions that they express outside of my hearing. I'm okay with that. I'm sure certain friends of mine have doubts or concerns, they may think I'm not up to it, that it's going to be too hard, that I'm crazy for taking this on, etc. But my friends support me to my face, and if they have them, express their concerns elsewhere. If I do have such friends, then hopefully I will prove them wrong, and hopefully they also hope I will prove them wrong.
Life isn't easy, full stop. But it is what you make of it. So make it the best you can for yourself and those within it. What else can you do?
First midwife appointment is tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have something to record about how that goes. I'm very interested in finding out about the NIPT availability. And also anything else having to do with my new status!
I read a couple of news pieces recently about single mothers; one is here and the other is here.
Obviously there are many, many other articles about single motherhood, these are just the two I read over the weekend. What I found particularly interesting, and shocking were some of the comments on both pieces. While I have immersed myself in the decision to become a single mother, I am continually surprised that other people would voice such ignorant and insulting responses to the concept. My favorite ignorant ranting is about the 'unnatural' method through which a single woman becomes a mother. I mean, of course, for starters, many women use a known donor and techniques that are pretty much 'natural'. But more insultingly, I wonder if these commentators are aware of how many married couples also must turn to reproductive technologies to have a child, which may include the use of a donor (either egg or sperm). I'm sure they wouldn't be quite so quick to gnash their teeth if it was a married couple pursing IVF, but as soon as it's a single woman, all bets are off the table. This goes hand in hand with the ever popular 'why don't you just adopt?' line of commentary which again one must wonder if this comment is said to every married couple they know. I mean if there are so many children so desperate for homes out there (and so easy to adopt?!) then surely the best place for them in your misguided view of the world would be in a home with a mother and father. So really, no couple should reproduce if they could adopt, or are you being hypocritical.....
Then there are the comments about these women 'sponging off the state and tax dollars' which I find entertaining because it doesn't say anywhere that the single mothers are needing social welfare. But so what if they were? Do only married couples qualify for social welfare? If you are married and have a child, but you can't afford it, it's okay for you to have social welfare but not a single mother? Certainly in my case I am preparing financially and have been preparing financially for the burden of having a child, and it's not something I've undertaken lightly. Which is of course very different to the people on TV on '16 and pregnant' and other such people who get pregnant with no clear means to support a child. But if I end up in trouble and I need social benefit, should I not be deserving of it because I chose to have a child? Troubling.
And finally the often trod out statistics about the harm to a child from a single parent household. Of course no one wishes to harm their child, and you could turn to Philip Larkin for advice here. But many of those statistics have to do with situations which are very different from a choice mother's situation. I've also seen more nuanced statistics that suggest that the issues have far more to do with poverty level and age of parent than 'single parenthood' as a block grouping. But again, so what? Are children not harmed by coupled families? Of course they are. Your odds may be somewhat statistically higher, but there is risk to everything in life. Parents do the best they can with what they have, hopefully. But all people can run into trouble and things can go wrong, so either no one should have children, or get off your high horse.
Other comments of irritation were people insisting that a sperm donor is a father which I suppose is a matter of semantics and pedantry and if you wanted to I suppose you could comfortably say that a donor is a biological father in the same way that a birth mother is not considered the 'mother' of a child. To parent a child and to give your genetic material to the making of a child are I think, everyone an agree, two very different things. I believe it is good to provide distinctions for children and set their expectations. So when I tell my future child they have a donor and not a daddy, it will be clear on what I see the difference is between a genetic scientific fact and a parent who cares for you and loves you. If I did anything otherwise it would set a false expectation. Of course a child has a genetic father, but if you can't see how throwing words around like that is confusing to a child, then you are probably the problem actually.
At any rate, I'm happy that I am generally supported and not assaulted by my network of friends and family. Although I equally am aware that some may hold contrary opinions that they express outside of my hearing. I'm okay with that. I'm sure certain friends of mine have doubts or concerns, they may think I'm not up to it, that it's going to be too hard, that I'm crazy for taking this on, etc. But my friends support me to my face, and if they have them, express their concerns elsewhere. If I do have such friends, then hopefully I will prove them wrong, and hopefully they also hope I will prove them wrong.
Life isn't easy, full stop. But it is what you make of it. So make it the best you can for yourself and those within it. What else can you do?
Friday, July 8, 2016
44dpo 8w5d - So Tired
Aside from slightly fuller, firmer breasts, the one symptom that I am experiencing relatively strongly is exhaustion. I wake up and I'm practically tired again straight away. It hasn't helped I'm sure that this has been an incredibly full week. I ran a workshop from Sunday night to Thursday late afternoon which started at 7:30/8:00am every day and went through dinner. Today, no rest for the weary, I had to get up early and cycle across town to do some lecturing. All stuff I love and enjoy, but man am I beat.
A friend of mine who reads this blog (but doesn't comment!! :P ;) ) texted me to suggest that my iron could be low. So when I have my midwife appointment next week, I will ask about this, and maybe they will test it. It would be good if there was a way I could help this particular symptom, but then another friend who I had lunch with today suggested that tiredness in pregnancy is just something you have to deal with and it doesn't particularly go away.
I guess I'll find out! I've also read that progesterone can make you feel more tired as well. I have about a week left of Cyclogest, so another thing I'll be bringing up to the midwife next week. I'm really not confident at all about when I should be stopping the progesterone and how I should be stopping it. As I'm on two a day, should I start by reducing to one a day? And do I have enough to that, and if I did want to do that, when should I start? I have enough to get through to Tuesday without sacrificing any one choice, so hopefully I'll get more insight from the midwife.
In other news, because I was at a workshop most of the week, where food is included, I felt that I ate like a pig and that I'd gained at least 5 pounds. In particular I thought this was true because my gut felt 'tight'. But when I weighed myself this morning at home, I only gained a pound and a half from all the cookies. So maybe the tightness is just the little squidge growing from a blueberry to a raspberry size? In general, as I am overweight, I'd like to be fairly careful with weight gain during pregnancy. I'm not supposed to gain all that much, given my starting weight/BMI, so I'd like to try to keep on top of that.
A friend of mine who reads this blog (but doesn't comment!! :P ;) ) texted me to suggest that my iron could be low. So when I have my midwife appointment next week, I will ask about this, and maybe they will test it. It would be good if there was a way I could help this particular symptom, but then another friend who I had lunch with today suggested that tiredness in pregnancy is just something you have to deal with and it doesn't particularly go away.
I guess I'll find out! I've also read that progesterone can make you feel more tired as well. I have about a week left of Cyclogest, so another thing I'll be bringing up to the midwife next week. I'm really not confident at all about when I should be stopping the progesterone and how I should be stopping it. As I'm on two a day, should I start by reducing to one a day? And do I have enough to that, and if I did want to do that, when should I start? I have enough to get through to Tuesday without sacrificing any one choice, so hopefully I'll get more insight from the midwife.
In other news, because I was at a workshop most of the week, where food is included, I felt that I ate like a pig and that I'd gained at least 5 pounds. In particular I thought this was true because my gut felt 'tight'. But when I weighed myself this morning at home, I only gained a pound and a half from all the cookies. So maybe the tightness is just the little squidge growing from a blueberry to a raspberry size? In general, as I am overweight, I'd like to be fairly careful with weight gain during pregnancy. I'm not supposed to gain all that much, given my starting weight/BMI, so I'd like to try to keep on top of that.
Monday, July 4, 2016
40dpo 8w1d - Pregnancy buddy
I was completely surprised and very excited to hear that one of my oldest friends from high school is also pregnant, and her due date is pretty much the same as mine! It is her second child, so there are obvious differences, but it's just kind of cool. Unfortunately she lives in California, so an 8 hour time difference and not much chance of meeting up to commiserate, but we WhatsApp, so anyway, that's kind of cool news.
I continue to be tired more than usual, and occasionally I feel 'off', although not full on nauseous. It's sort of impossible not to continue to worry that something is going to go horribly wrong. My first midwife appointment is in a week and a day which I'm sort of looking forward to. I did email the place that does the NIPT and they haven't emailed me back which is annoying.
I had an uncomfortable experience over the weekend at a wedding. I went with the boyfriend and we met some new people. One of whom clocked that I wasn't drinking and asked if I was pregnant. Not quick enough to cover I indicated I was at which point this person gushed congratulations at the both of us. What a disaster. I tried to sideline the conversation and then asked the boyfriend if he was okay and he clearly wasn't. I managed to get the gushing new person to take me to the toilet as she'd already been where I gave her the breakdown. It was just really unfortunate how it all happened, and I do empathize with the boyfriend. However, I also feel that awkwardness is compounded by his own lack of acceptance. In fairness, he was as taken aback as I was by the onslaught, and neither of us was prepared with what to say. On the other hand, if he was fine with the situation, he could have quickly said something about 'Oh, it's not mine.'. At any rate, it was messy and I felt a bit bad, although it was reasonably quickly addressed. Of course we haven't spoken about it, because he doesn't. Which is particularly not helpful.
In other news, it's still just very easy to forget that I'm pregnant. I kind of wonder when that stops!!
Monday, June 20, 2016
26dpo 6w1d - Appointments
I saw my GP this morning. It was a relatively short appointment but now I'm properly 'in the system'. There isn't much for the GP to do- apparently with the NHS most of your care is through midwife appointments; and there are about 10 throughout your pregnancy he said. So I made my first appointment for the 12th as that was the earliest that would work. Perhaps a week later than desired. I also received a 'pregnancy' pack which I haven't had a chance to look through properly but is sponsored by Bounty so there are some branded things in it. I glanced inside and saw a sample pack of pregnancy vitamins so that's cool as those are pricey. I ordered some extra folic acid for the next couple of months, although it's in the multivitamin, I'm overweight so not bad to take more. The GP took my blood pressure which was fine. The lower number runs towards the high end but I think it was 124/85 so that's within normal.
I told my GP the results of my hCG blood tests and he mentioned that the numbers were on the low side but of course early. Which of course made me twinge with worry. The numbers doubled- which is what they say is more important than the actual number. And yes, they were low in the sense that it was 14dpo and 16dpo. I am consoled that my pregnancy tests got progressively darker and stronger meaning hCG was rising. But anyway, blah.
Today I'm feeling twinges in the gut/tummy/uterus region and of course I'm trying not to worry about it or think about it too much. I want everything to go smoothly, obviously, but I am also unable not to worry that it won't. On the forum that I frequent there appears to always be at least 2 women who miscarry within each 3 month group. So it's a rather gruesome game of Russian roulette. Of course none of us may miscarry- which would be awesome of course. But looking through the history of the pregnancy boards, there seems to always be at least 2. So that's sobering. (Apologies to those of you from the board who may have read this and found it upsetting).
A woman in my three month group posted about her anxiety levels around the pregnancy. I don't think it's possible to be pregnant and not worry, I guess it's how you process your worrying that makes a difference. The only thing I can console myself with right now is that there is nothing I can do to change anything. The future is already written- I just don't know it yet. Will I miscarry? Is this ectopic? Will there be a chromosomal abnormality? So many things that you could worry about it. But worrying about them doesn't change anything at all. If bad shit happens, I will deal with it and get through it because I have to. And I know I can, because I am a strong person and I have a network of friends and family who love me. I can't change what that future will be. I just don't know what it is yet. And that's scary and frustrating and stressful. But really I need to just be patient and wait. Take each day, each moment for what it is. I can't change the future, so I can only be present in the now. Anyway, that's how I try to get through the stress and worry. Of course not entirely helpful when you are second guessing every twinge!
In other news I told my dad last night that I was pregnant. He hasn't been the most on board with the pregnancy plan but was surprisingly supportive. Of course he was supportive in the way that my dad is able to be supportive- mainly by indicating how he would be able to provide some financial support to a child of mine. But hey, financial support is really important. And for my dad, being able to take care of someone (financially) is how he shows that he loves them. So that was nice. This isn't to say that my dad will foot all the baby bills for everything. In fact, far from it. But anyway, it was nice to feel supported.
I told my GP the results of my hCG blood tests and he mentioned that the numbers were on the low side but of course early. Which of course made me twinge with worry. The numbers doubled- which is what they say is more important than the actual number. And yes, they were low in the sense that it was 14dpo and 16dpo. I am consoled that my pregnancy tests got progressively darker and stronger meaning hCG was rising. But anyway, blah.
Today I'm feeling twinges in the gut/tummy/uterus region and of course I'm trying not to worry about it or think about it too much. I want everything to go smoothly, obviously, but I am also unable not to worry that it won't. On the forum that I frequent there appears to always be at least 2 women who miscarry within each 3 month group. So it's a rather gruesome game of Russian roulette. Of course none of us may miscarry- which would be awesome of course. But looking through the history of the pregnancy boards, there seems to always be at least 2. So that's sobering. (Apologies to those of you from the board who may have read this and found it upsetting).
A woman in my three month group posted about her anxiety levels around the pregnancy. I don't think it's possible to be pregnant and not worry, I guess it's how you process your worrying that makes a difference. The only thing I can console myself with right now is that there is nothing I can do to change anything. The future is already written- I just don't know it yet. Will I miscarry? Is this ectopic? Will there be a chromosomal abnormality? So many things that you could worry about it. But worrying about them doesn't change anything at all. If bad shit happens, I will deal with it and get through it because I have to. And I know I can, because I am a strong person and I have a network of friends and family who love me. I can't change what that future will be. I just don't know what it is yet. And that's scary and frustrating and stressful. But really I need to just be patient and wait. Take each day, each moment for what it is. I can't change the future, so I can only be present in the now. Anyway, that's how I try to get through the stress and worry. Of course not entirely helpful when you are second guessing every twinge!
In other news I told my dad last night that I was pregnant. He hasn't been the most on board with the pregnancy plan but was surprisingly supportive. Of course he was supportive in the way that my dad is able to be supportive- mainly by indicating how he would be able to provide some financial support to a child of mine. But hey, financial support is really important. And for my dad, being able to take care of someone (financially) is how he shows that he loves them. So that was nice. This isn't to say that my dad will foot all the baby bills for everything. In fact, far from it. But anyway, it was nice to feel supported.
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