Budget Update

If this pregnancy is successful, then I can put a figure on my total budget spent trying to conceive and become a mother.  Of course my future is filled with expenses related to raising a child which will be no small thing and occasionally causes me much stress to think about.  There may also be additional expenses related to pregnancy and birth - for example, if I hire a doula.  But again, these are optional and sort of different from the trying to conceive journey.

Of course everything could still go terribly wrong and I could be revisiting this budget in the future. For now though, the final budget on trying to become a single mother is:

Previous total	£12856
Hatching and Vitrification	£850
New total	£13706

It's probably important to note that the above total doesn't include the egg freezing total which was £13,591.  this is because the little growing seed is from that, so it would be wrong not to include those costs in my total total costs.  Therefore, if you really want a final grand total to get to today, it would be £27,297.  

Kind of scary.  

Completely worth it.

Blood Test Update

So I did get an actual reading for the beta hCG blood test, and it came back today (1 day later) so that's good. The 14 dpo reading was 59.3 iu/L.  Apparently the range can be anywhere from 5-426 iu/L, and the average for a singleton pregnancy is 48 iu/L.  So I'm above average, although it seems on the low end compared to other women posting results that I've seen.  What seems to matter more is the doubling rate which should be around every 48 hours.  So, I've paid for and booked another blood test for tomorrow morning. I don't know if I'll get the results on Saturday or will have to wait until Monday.  I'm glad that they gave me the actual number.  I'm slightly annoyed (although should have anticipated) having to pay for another blood test.  Depending on the results I don't think I'll book a third.  If it's doubling I may just be happy with that.  If it's really low, I'll call my clinic or GP and get them to take it up because it could be a sign of something going wrong or an ectopic pregnancy.  I wouldn't be in the situation where it dips and then rises which they think is due to an embryo falling off, because I know there was only one.

Budget update:

Previous total	£12722
Private beta hCG blood test	£134
New total	£12856

IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt

Still negative this morning.  Still no period.

I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately.  I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK.  Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure.  I still assume it will be negative.  I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k.  Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!

Budget update:

Previous total	£12588
Private beta hCG blood test	£134
New total	£12722

Right decision

I am getting more comfortable with my one month delay, or my June cycle as I should probably start thinking about it! Especially since my drugs will not be delivered until next Thursday and my period is likely to start before that.  On top of which, the frozen eggs have not yet been moved (although I've just paid for that, budget update below).  So, all in all, the right decision for sure. Perhaps because of that, it feels less frustrating.  Or maybe I'm just getting used to it.

Budget update:

Previous total	£12378
Courier for frozen eggs	£210
New total	£12588

Not much else to report.  I've had to buy some new conception vitamins as my original six month supply is on it's last sheet.  I haven't been to acupuncture for a while.  Mainly this is because the schedule that they do clinic times and my schedule haven't worked out very well.  I'm also not completely convinced that it does much of anything at all.  But I may look into starting it up again, or trying a different practitioner.  I just feel like I take enough time off work for doctor appointments, I am loathe to take off more time just for acupuncture.  Instead I'm going back to yoga, which I also had a small break from.  But maybe I'll give acupuncture another go this upcoming month in preparation.  I like it, but it just has to fit my schedule at this point.

I'm also trying to take care of some other health issues which means I feel like I'm seriously at various appointments all the time.  I've had ongoing issues with my foot from an injury last year which may now be a life-long sort of injury/issue.  I'm also trying to get a proper eye test because I think I might need glasses while at work.  This has meant trips to GP, hospital, and eye doctor - on top of fertility appointments (for example next week's 'info session' and counseling appointment). Getting old sucks!

I think I'm just going to try to enjoy this month and take care of various things.  Last month I took advantage of the break and enjoyed myself by indulging in some naughty treats.  I think I'll cut back on my alcohol though.  Last month I had a lot of opportunities to drink but I know it's considered good practice while trying to conceive that you lay off alcohol and caffeine.  I might as well get back into the groove.

IVF package and drugs - budget update

I've just spent a large sum on the drugs for my first IVF procedure as well as the procedure itself. My clinic has a package deal for IVF which includes:

• Ultrasound scans for monitoring
• Monitoring blood tests
• Blastocyst culture (if needed)
• IVF/ICSI process (if needed)
• Embryo transfer
• Pregnancy scan or review consultation as needed

The cost for this package is £3130 if you are not using ICSI and £4030 if you are.  Because my frozen eggs will need to have ICSI, then I am paying the higher cost.  There is no additional fee for the processing of both types of eggs, or the defrosting, or if they end up doing two different fertilization procedures on the fresh and frozen, or anything else apparently.  So that was good.  At the moment I feel this cost is very reasonable for an IVF cycle with drugs included.  But I don't have a huge amount to base that on.

The drug cost for 12 days of treatment came out to £1858 which includes: 4x900iu Gonal F pens, 7 Orgalutran injections, 1 Ovitrelle injection, and 45 Cyclogest pessaries.  I will probably need to buy some more medication as my cycles tend to run longer (from both the IUI and egg freezing experiences).  But these drug costs seem reasonable.  I should go back and compare them to my old egg freezing costs as they are again from Healthcare at Home.

I'm still trying to pay for the courier to get the frozen eggs from London to Cambridge.  I have left a phone message with the Cambridge clinic today and replied to an email over the weekend, but so far nothing.  I don't think that will be a problem but I will feel better when it is paid for and underway. The courier quote I got was £175 + VAT.  So I'll have to add that to the budget later when I find out how much the tax is.

Apparently I need to fill in yet more paperwork to permit the thawing of the frozen eggs.  Of course I do.

So the budget update:

Previous total	£6490
IVF Inclusive Fee with ICSI	£4030
12 Days of IVF drugs (see above)	£1858
New total	£12378

I've now spent approximately... a little over 1/3 of my savings for this endeavor.  It would be amazing if this would work so I could keep the rest for caring for a child, childcare, etc.  But it also means if I need to do this again, I certainly can.  Of course fingers crossed I won't have to.

IUI 2 - Day 6 Budget update

Just a quick one to update the budget since I've paid for this IUI cycle.  Apparently my clinic says the price is the same if you get one Pregnyl or two which made no sense to me.  But, whatever.  I guess I should have asked for 2 then since I paid the same!  But never mind.  Last night I was out to a concert so I had to do my injection in the restaurant toilet.  Good thing my clinic gave me a handy little carry bag with a sharps-tube for used needles to later dispose in the correct bin.  It came in handy!

Previous total	£5472
IUI Inclusive Fee	£638
900 Gonal-F + 1 Pregnyl	£380
New total	£6490

IUI 1 - back in the swing

So I've had two days of injecting.  Tonight I reduce the amount from 150 to 75.  The first two injections have been fine.  I'm a little perturbed to consider that my belly is fatter than when I did the egg freezing.  I wish it wasn't so hard to lose weight!  But that is neither here nor there.

Friday morning I'll have my next scan and see what's happening with my follicles.  I did some reading today to try and better understand what's ideal in an IUI.  Apparently there's a lot of interest in both the AMH and antral follicle count.  I think I mentioned that the nurse counted 6-7 follicles on my ovary.  This is apparently in the desirable range for someone my age.  Having looked at some other blogs online, I read about women freaking out that their AMH was 3-5 and that was with two ovaries.  Also these women had lower AMH numbers to me. So I'm feeling relatively okay about my general fertility level for my age.

I saw another statistic for IUI today which said my chances were not 5% but 6%!  So that's obviously much better. I also read something else that said that pretty much every woman officially trying thinks she might be pregnant the first go out and usually isn't.  And of course there's that statistic about 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage.  It's all ups and downs and obviously it's all just on my mind.

I've also been thinking about finances and budgets.  So I'll update the budget in a moment.  Mostly I'm thinking about the high cost of child care (not to mention things a child might need).  The nursery close to my house costs £200/week for full nursery care.  So let's just call that £1000/month.  I may qualify for some minimal tax relief, but not much.  So where will this money come from?  I know child minders are less expensive.  Still, it's daunting.  If I somehow get pregnant on one of the first... let's say 3 tries., then I'll have enough money saved for a year and a half of child care.  Of course in that time I'll also be trying not to use that money so I'm sure it can stretch to twice as far.  Still, pretty scary stuff.  I know people make it work, and I'm definitely going to rely on hand-me-downs and support from my family.  Still, having a child is no small undertaking, and one I'm not attempting lightly.

I did manage to see the new acupuncturist on Saturday and have an appointment for this upcoming Saturday as well.  I pretty much think that other than sticking needles in you, every acupuncturist you see does it differently.  This is the third I've been to in my life and it was different from the first two which were different from each other.  Overall I thought it was okay though.  I've decided not to include the cost of acupuncture as that's obviously completely optional.  Similarly the conception vitamins and things like that just aren't worth accounting for in the budget.  I do tell myself when spending money on them though, that they are worth coming out of the overall budget.  but obviously that's a choice.  The current budget is:

Previous total	£4834
IUI Inclusive Fee	£638
New total	£5472

I was talking to my mother on the phone about the baby plan and explaining what I thought I could afford (2 IUI, 3 fresh IVF, then go to the frozen eggs).  And she was like, "So what do you think that's going to be, like £10,000?" and I just laughed at her.  "No mom, try £30,000".  It's really not something you undertake lightly at all unless you are made of money, which I am not.  I can only hold out hope that I don't blow through all the money trying to get pregnant.  Of course I could blow through all the money and not get pregnant at all.  Pretty crazy when you think about it!

Tick Tock

So my period ended up coming particularly early while I was away- I think on 28 days.  So definitely starting this month was a no-go.  However, that means February is looking good and everything is now in place to try.  The donor sperm is at the clinic and I've been delivered my drugs for the first IUI cycle.  This includes a 900iu Gonal F pen and 2 Pregnyl which I've not used before.  It looks like the Pregnyl is an intramuscular injection which may be a challenge on my own but I'll find out more at my first scan which should be on day 1 or 2 of my next period, due mid-Feb.

This week I also had to go to the GP to get my virals retested.  This was HIV and Hepatitis B & C screenings.  Apparently whilst  undergoing treatment these need to be within 3 months current which seems excessive.  I showed up at the GP and they were frankly confused because my tests were in date but no, I had to have those again.  Luckily the GP covered it.  I suppose they could get annoyed if this continues and make me pay for it, I can't imagine it's all that much by comparison.

The drug delivery came via Healthcare at Home which if you were at all a reader of my egg freezing blog you will know has the best pricing around on fertility drugs.  Or at least they did two years ago and I have no particular reason to think this has changed.  So new budget:

Previous total	£4454
900iu Gonal F and 2 Pregnyl	£380
New total	£4834

The drug delivery had to be to work which was a little bit annoying but they didn't have a Saturday delivery slot.  It came in a massive cool box which was all very well packaged.  Pretty much discreetly except it said 'laminarmedica' on the side.  The 'medica' part is somewhat obviously 'medical' and it would certainly be recognizable to someone else going through the same.  In fact there is a woman in my group who has suffered from fertility challenges and I was particularly concerned with upsetting her.  I hope I didn't, and she didn't say.  Hopefully in the future I can get the drugs delivered to home.  Of course there's the possibility I may not need any more drugs, but I honestly don't believe that will happen.  On the other hand, it would be wrong of me not to acknowledge it could happen.

So the next thing is to wait.  When my period arrives, I will call the clinic and they will fit me in for a scan either that day or day 2.  They'll let me know what I should start injecting and when I should come back for the next scan and we'll be set to try the first IUI.  I'll also pay for the IUI on that day so will update the budget accordingly and detail what's included later.

Otherwise I need to get much better at being regular about taking my conception vitamins and I'm looking to get some acupuncture appointments set up as well.  Need to lay off the alcohol and caffeine, not that I have particularly much of either to begin with.  Already on a vague healthy eating kick, mostly due to trying to reduce my meat consumption (although I'm not a vegetarian).  I still find this whole thing a little bit surreal.  While I was away (visiting a dear friend with two small children, 3.5 and 1.5) it was very easy to be excited about this journey and look forward to trying.  Now that I'm back in my life though, it just doesn't seem entirely real.  I have so many other things going on and to do.  Part of me is still excited and hopeful, and then the other part is more cautious and whispers that I may not get pregnant anyway after all the trying.  So I guess I end up not wanting to think about it too much at all lest I get either depressed or anxious.  This doesn't stop my progress on my plans, but it does put me in a rather strange state of mind where this is something I'm obviously completely committed to, but then try not to think about it too much in the moment.

That may be challenged and it may become a bit more prominent once the cycle is underway however.  Probably.

Sperm success

So things went a bit quiet here while I searched for sperm and knew I had time before anything needed to start.  In the end, I decided to go with Xytex who had a reasonable number of CMV negative donors who vaguely matched my coloration.

First, let me have a rant about sperm banks.  I find it appalling that banks charge you a not unsubstantial fee just to look at the donors.  I paid $175.50 just for the privilege of looking at the full profiles of possible donors.  Now, I get that they don't want donor tourism and I can see why you may need to show you're serious by putting down some cash.  But I'm seriously offended that this payment isn't refunded when you make a purchase.  It's completely and utterly taking advantage of people who honestly need this service.  I can't express strongly enough how distasteful I found this aspect of the sperm searching process, or how pissed off it made me.

That being said, what choice did I have? I put down my money because it was important to me to search for a donor whose features were compatible with my own. That way potential future child will hopefully not be asked too many questions about where their looks came from as they should vaguely look like me!

In the end I found about 8 possible donors who were CMV negative and whose looks fell into my general range of attributes.  I was very thankful that my clinic were helpful in looking at all the donor profiles and advising me on any that would not be suitable for use.  Mostly this had to do with what sort of sperm vials were available, or if any were available.  In the end I got down to a shortlist of 3, then the 3 became 2.  And finally the 2 became 1 as the leading choice.

I could probably say more about how I selected a donor but I'm not sure any of it is particularly relevant.  I think it's probably somewhat personal.  There's no particularly clear way that you select one person over another.  For me, I mostly considered genetics and traits that I felt were desirable and that I felt complimented (or in some case counteracted) my own.  The donor is, in the end, just a donor.  Nature versus nurture and all of that stuff.  The potential child will also be their own unique independent person that will be all about them as individual and cannot be attributed to myself or the donor.  You can only go down this route so far before you just make a decision and hope that you didn't make a bad one.  What else can you do?

Anyway, I got in touch with my clinic and the bank and got all the information needed for ordering.  Because the bank is in the US, I paid on my US credit card so there was a bit of a moment increasing my credit limit on my US credit card and also ensuring that my US PayPal account was still up and running so I can easily transfer myself money from my UK account.  On the advice of my clinic I ordered 6 vials of sperm.  This, with the shipping came to an eye watering total of $5355.

So a good time to do a budget update.  I've used XE converter on today's date to do the conversion.  I've also rounded up to whole numbers for ease of calculating!

Previous total	£720
Donor 'looking' fee	$176/£119
6 vials of UK approved washed sperm	$4770/£3220
UK Shipping/delivery fee	$585/£395
New total	£4454

So you see, when you're spending that much money, I feel that really it would not be such a big deal for the clinic to refund you the 'looking fee' if you end up making a purchase.  It's really just rude.

So where are we at?  So far, before I've started any treatment at all, I've spent as much as a full IVF practically.  That sort of sucks.  After all, I have a budget for this process.  Everything I do before I even start trying is money taken away from the trying phase.  But, with 6 vials of donor on the way, that should cover that part of the process for all of the treatments I can reasonably afford.  So that's good.  Or scary.  Depending on how you look at it.

Test Results

Various tests and results this week moves everything that little bit forward.  First, I managed to get my GP to do the majority of the blood tests the clinic said I needed to get which was good.  I need to call the GP tomorrow though because when the clinic called to tell me that my CMV was negative (more on that later), they also casually mentioned one of the other tests had some unusual results.  I didn't catch what she said and it was a very quick phone call, but considering the only other tests I had were HIV and HepB/C, you don't really want to hear that something was unusual!  Anyway, hopefully I'll find out more on that tomorrow.

The results of my AMH test that the clinic did on my first visit came back and was 8.5 pmol/L.  In early 2013, my AMH was 9.4 so it makes sense that it's gone down, although not by too much so that's great.  It means my fertility is in the low bracket but still completely reasonable for my age.  I also had a good number of follicles (11?) when the doctor did my scan. So although my fertility isn't like it was when I was younger, I'm in good shape for attempting to get pregnant naturally based on these results.

The AMH  test results also meant that I could go ahead with the second test that I needed to ensure that I could try an IUI cycle, which was the hycosi.  I had this on Tuesday.  It was a relatively easy procedure although not very comfortable.  I cycled up to the clinic from work (about 2 miles/15 minutes) and waited for my appointment.  I was shown to a recovery area and asked to remove all my clothing from the waist down (I left on my socks) and was given two hospital robes- one to put on the front and one to use as a dressing gown in the back.  The doctor came in and explained the procedure.  He was assisted by a nurse and another doctor who may have been training.  She didn't do anything, she just watched and asked questions.

They gave me some paracetamol to take when I arrived.  But otherwise, I hadn't taken anything or done anything special.  I think I emptied my bladder in preparation but that was all.  When they were ready for me, I walked into the procedure room which had yellow lights as it's the same room they use for embryo transfers (and the light waves can damage embryos apparently).  Up onto a gynecological table and I scooted down until my butt was hanging off the edge.  Then the doctor did some cleaning with a swab and went in with a speculum.  They put a very fine tube through the cervix into the uterus in order to insert contrast liquid into the uterus and therefore into the Fallopian tubes. This was not very pleasant and the insertion of the tube resulted in some cramping that felt like bad period cramps.  Although they subsided.  Then they removed the speculum and inserted the ultrasound at which point the liquid is sent in which also felt uncomfortable and a bit crampy.  They can see the uterus at this point and then need the liquid to flow into the Fallopian tube.  This required some pushing on my stomach which again was unpleasant although not that bad.  It mostly felt like I really had to pee and had cramps.  I couldn't see the screen they were all looking at but apparently it was all fine and they could see the liquid moving cleanly through the tube and then washing over the ovary.  My other tube was mostly removed when my dermoid cysted ovary was removed.  So that was okay.  Then everything came out and the procedure was done.

Apparently your body absorbs the liquid although you are told to expect some spotting which is pretty much what I've had.  They had me lay on the procedure bed for a bit in case I felt dizzy or woozy or anything but honesty I pretty much felt fine except for a bit crampy and a bit like I had to pee.  So after a few minutes they let me get up and go back to the recover room where I used the toilet, put a pad on, got dressed and that was that!

I had an appointment scheduled with a nurse to go through the next steps which I did.  I also had a lot of forms to fill out giving various consents and so on.  The UK has some very strict laws in place regarding fertility treatment, which is probably a good thing, but means there's a lot of paperwork to deal with.

We talked about what's needed to do the drug assisted IUI and the timing.  It seems clear that I won't be able to start a cycle until my first period in January as I'm away in December and January which makes scheduling around that challenging.  But that's okay.  It gives me time to get the donor sperm ordered which is proving to be its own difficulty but I think I'll write a separate post about that.  At this point, I'm just happy that the tests I've taken so far are good, and the next step is known and vaguely scheduled (as much as you can schedule an irregular period).

Budget update:

Previous total	£370
Hycosi	£350
New total	£720

First post

So I thought I'd make a new blog for this new venture.  For anyone new to this blog, you can read about my journey with egg freezing here.  I'm glad that blog has been, and continues to be a resource for women on their personal fertility journeys.

But lots of different things can happen after you freeze your eggs. You may decide not to have a child.  You may meet someone and find out you are pregnant naturally. You may meet someone and decide to use your frozen eggs to try to have a child with them.  Or, like me, you can begin the process of trying to become a mother on your own which may involve using those frozen eggs, or not.

When I started my egg-freezing journey, I of course had already started to think about the possibility of single motherhood.  When I spoke to the counselor she had suggested I move my planning forward, and yet here I am, just over 2 years after I froze my eggs and pretty much on the schedule I anticipated.

I haven't met a partner I want to have a child with, although I will mention that I do have a partner who I see regularly.  Our relationship is great, but at the moment, it's not the sort of one where you make a child together and tie yourself to each other for the rest of your lives.  He knows about my plans.  I'm sure I'll mention him again as this continues, particularly if I'm successful!

So, what's happened so far.

About two to three months ago I met with my new GP (I've moved out of London) to start the process of trying to get pregnant.  In Cambridge where I live now, there are limited options for clinics.  Due to the frequent nature of tests and scans, it is not feasible for me to continue with my London clinic.  So in Cambridge, there is basically one centrally located clinic which is also the NHS clinic.  You can either go through the NHS, or private.  I'm going privately but I also had to be referred by my GP.

So I met with my GP and she was very nice.  She scheduled me for a progesterone test and did a swab test.  Then I had to wait for my period to start so I could get the progesterone test 21 days after it.  I went on day 21 and my progesterone result was 18.  That was low, but my period didn't start.  So I spoke to the GP and he had me come in on day 28 when my progesterone was up to 34.2 (which suggests I've ovulated which was good!) and my period finally came on day 33.  In the meantime I followed up with the clinic and scheduled my first appointment for last Tuesday.  I had the initial consultation with one of the three doctors and she did an ultrasound and they took my blood for a new AMH.

We discussed my options for moving forward.  The discussion was pretty much in line with the last conversation I had with my egg freezing doctor.  If my AMH is okay and my Fallopian tubes are open (I'm scheduled for a Hycosi this Tuesday) then she suggests I try two cycles of drug assisted IUI.  She doesn't think I should waste too much time with it, but as it's much less expensive, and my fertility is unproven, then she thinks it's worth two tries. After that, it's likely to be fresh IVF cycles until I'm either pregnant or running low on resources or we decide that's not a good idea, and then (and only then) will we move on to the frozen eggs.

I've saved and set aside £30k for this journey which is no small thing by any stretch.  That's on top of the money already spent on the egg freezing.  You don't do something like this unless you are really really serious about it.  That money could all have gone to any number of other things.

So, this is where I'm at.  Tomorrow I will call the clinic to see if it's worth proceeding with the Hycosi based on my new AMH test.  I am currently shopping around for donor sperm which will probably be the subject of one of my next posts.  And because of holidays and travel, I'm likely to only be able to start my first cycle of trying to get pregnant in January.  But that's fine.  I have a plan, I'm moving forward, I'm taking action, and holy crap this is really happening.

Stay tuned.

Budget:

Initial Consultation	£370
Current total	£370