IVF 1 - Day 32 9dp6dt 4w4d

After tomorrow which is the 'official' testing day, I'm going to change the heading to reflect days past ovulation (currently 15dpo) and pregnancy weeks for simplicity's sake.  It's good to know both, I think, and I can't keep calling this IVF 1!

Tested positive again this morning.  The good thing about my cheap eBay strips is that they are showing continual progression.  Today was clearer than  yesterday.  I think I will continue to take them to give myself some confidence that my hCG levels are rising since I can't get the blood tests to otherwise show it.  It's actually a fairly useful way to measure an increase, although obviously I can't tell by how much.

Still having a bit of brown spotting.  Not much, mostly watery and only on the toilet paper wipe.  I'm also having a bit of 'tightness' on my right side where my ovary is.  I am of course now worried that it could mean an ectopic pregnancy.  On the other hand, without a period to 'reset' the ovary post stimulation, it may still just be recovering from being enlarged.  I'm not sure.  This is something an ultrasound would potentially be able to tell me.  But I don't see how I can get one unless something starts to go really wrong.

I called my clinic today which is a day early to report the positives.  I also called because it said in the take home information sheet that if you have a positive test and spotting you should call immediately. I'm still not overly concerned with the amount of spotting I'm seeing- it's not increasing and is now always brown.  But I thought I'd call them anyway.  They arranged an order for more progesterone/Cyclogest.  They were going to send 3 boxes of 15 and I asked for 4.  I don't think the extra progesterone hurts, and it seems more standard to go to week 9 or 10 from others so I asked for an extra box which should get me to week 9.  It wasn't particularly expensive.  I'll need to update the budget.  I guess I'll keep updating the budget until a baby is hopefully born.  I'm also still waiting for the bill for the assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing.

It's really weird because basically my clinic now releases me to the NHS for care.  I feel like this is very quick and that other clinics in other countries continue with the patient until the first scan and then release them.  This means that other than the progesterone, I've got nothing else to do but wait for a letter containing information about my first scan which should be around week 7-8.  I guess there isn't anything else that I can be doing, because what will be will be, it just seems a rather sudden drop off a cliff. I've been so used to constant appointments and 'hand holding' that now I just feel a bit adrift.

I'm sure this will change though.

I'm also still in the 'I can't believe it' stage.  This is helped by the fact that I'm not feeling anything physically.  First trimester symptoms start to occur when the hCG really surges (and then tapers off) so I'm clearly not there yet.  It's so surreal.

IVF 1 - Day 22 5 day report

The short version: the transfer will hopefully be tomorrow, another day of waiting ahead.

The longer version:

So this morning I was waiting for the phone call.  It didn't come at 9am so I started to get nervous.  I think the phone finally rant around 9:30.  It seemed like forever.  I was particularly feeling anxious because another woman on the SMC forum who was trying this month had 6 day 3 embryos that all arrested on day 4.  So I knew that this could happen, and I was worried I was going to get a call that said there was nothing to come in for.

The embryologist called to tell me that all six zygotes were successfully given laser assisted hatcing on Saturday, and all six have transformed into morulas.  A morula is a transformational stage where the embryo moves from a collection of equal cells to differentiated cells. Not all embryos emerge out of the morula stage, so it could still be that tomorrow there is nothing.  The embryologist was cautiously hopeful though that all 6 made it to morula stage; he said that he didn't expect them all to reach even that far.  So it's not great, because it means they're all a bit slow, but it's also not bad.  Yet.  So, more waiting.

This weekend I've been feeling somewhat emotional.  I don't know if it's due to hormones or what.  My friend came to visit Saturday/Sunday and brought her 22 month old son.  We had a good time, and I enjoyed having them here but I started to wonder what I'm getting myself into.  On the one hand it all seems reasonable, and then on the other hand it's completely overwhelming and terrifying.  I know that it is probably overwhelming and terrifying for everyone who has a child, single parent or no.  Still, I just felt emotional about it.  Am I really prepared for this?  Am I really capable of doing it?  I think these fears are normal.  I'm not overly worried about it, I just had a surge for some reason.

I also think that I might enjoy the baby stage, and I may enjoy post potty training, but I may not love the toddler stage.  I could be wrong.  And I assume everything is always different when it's your kid.  It's one thing to have a strange child in my home getting into everything versus a child who lives here who is used to my home and for whom the home is properly arranged.  I mean, your own kids for sure get into everything, but your life shapes around their presence in it.  Dropping a child into your life is a little bit different.

I think I've also been a bit grumpy because I think the Cyclogest/progesterone is making me have swelling and itching in the privates.  Really not enjoying that.  The swelling has gone down a bit, but the itching flares back up.  I read online that this can be a side effect, especially for women taking it vaginally.  I'm not, but I'm sure it's related.  Some of the online posters suggested getting some Canesten cream for the itch.  If I'm lucky enough to have a transfer tomorrow, then I think I'll also ask about this.

So that's where things are.  I'm feeling anxious.  I will know what's happening soon enough by way of the transfer at least, and then I'll have to wait to see if I'm pregnant.  And if I'm pregnant, I'll be waiting to see if I can get through the benchmarks without a miscarriage.  I'm not sure anyone ever talks about this stage of trying to get pregnant or pregnancy.  I'll be posting everything here, which includes if things go badly.  I'm positive not enough women talk about this and by the time they announce they're pregnant, they've just kept all this to themselves.  That's just not my style I guess.

IVF 1 - Day 20 3 day report

The embryologist called me this morning to report that I have 6, 3-day embryos.  One of the fertilized seven seems to have stopped after a two cell split and isn't expect to go any further.  Of the 6, four are very good and two are good.  Interestingly, from the thawed frozen eggs, the best looking 3-day embryo is one of the frozen, but the one that stopped after dividing is the other.

I discussed with the embryologist that we will wait until day 5 for a hopeful transfer.  He warned me that from these 6, I would be looking at 2-3 blastocysts comfortably, and that 4 would be an exceptional outcome.  Fingers crossed there is at least one.

I plan to transfer one blastocyst if I'm lucky enough to have more than one.  I really don't want multiples.  If it happens on its own, that's one thing, but I don't want to increase my chances by transferring two.

The laser assisted hatching will be done later today on all of the embryos.  The embryologist told me that if you do it on day 5 you risk injuring the blastocyst.  On day 3, the shell or zona pellucida is still thick and easy to nick with the laser.  It thins towards day 5 so becomes more difficult.  It seems a fairly routine procedure so I'm not too worried about anything going wrong.  Also, I asked, and it's completely fine and normal to freeze a blastocyst which has already had the assisted hatching.  I'm glad they said they'd cap the cost at £250 now!!  Otherwise that would have been £125 per embryo.  I would have spent it of course, but I'm glad for the discount with 6 to do.

I've been feeling pretty bloated and a bit crampy since the egg retrieval.  Looking online, this could also be due to starting the progesterone/Cyclogest.  I'm not loving that I've got to take a suppository twice a day for what I hope is something like the next 10 weeks.  I'll do it obviously, I'm just not loving it.  And I hope the bloating and cramps reduce.

I'm sort of amazed when I think about it- that eggs from my body have been fertilized with sperm and there is potential life in a petri dish at the clinic.  It's actually sort of hard to get my head around.  You spend so long focusing on trying to conceive, it's hard to imagine the jump to the next step. I'm not there yet of course, and all of this may not work and could go horribly wrong.  But a thread of me is still pretty hopeful and giddy with anticipation. 

IVF 1 - Day 2

First shot tonight.  Happy to get this show on the road.

I called the clinic yesterday to tell them my period had arrived and schedule my first scan.  They said the doctor had put me down for an 'early' scan so they scheduled me to come in on Monday which will be day 8.  This is not early.  I was sort of taken back by this, as when I did egg freezing, or even when I had the IUI I think they scanned within the first 5 days. Day 8 seems a bit late.  I mean, some women even trigger on day 8!  Although I for sure will not.  I feel that day 8 is a bit late to make any adjustments to the medications.  I would have thought I should go in on day 5 which would be Friday. At the moment I'm undecided about whether or not I should call to ask for this or as for the reasoning for putting it off until day 8 or just to suck it up.  In general I'm not a fan of the suck it up approach and I prefer more information to less.  However, I also vaguely assume my clinic knows what they are doing.  Although maybe I shouldn't.  Seeing how many follicles there are in the scan, and how they are growing is supposed to help them decide how much drugs I should be taking.  By day 8, I'll be more than half way through stimulation, and I don't know that there's much more opportunity for adjustments.

The women on the SMC forum all felt I should push for an earlier scan or at least get in touch with the clinic.  I think I'll at least give them a call.  The women on the forum also all unanimously supported ICSI for the fresh eggs and assisted hatching for all embryos.  So that was interesting as well.  I did a bit more google research on ICSI and think it's probably a good idea to just go ahead with that. Assisted hatching also seems like a no brainer although there will be an additional cost per embryo for that.  Still, anything that helps.  And also, what's £125 when you're spending £6k+?

So it's Gonal-F only for the next few days before I add in the Ogalutran in the mornings.  All the drugs are currently taking up the cheese drawer in my fridge.  Huh.  Actually now that I'm thinking about it, I'm going to the movies tomorrow when I need to inject so I'll have to take the drugs with me.  At least they gave me a useful drug carry pouch with a portable sharps container for being away from home.  I'm going to go for an 8pm/8am schedule, or as close to that as possible for my injections.

So, still happy to be starting.  Still feeling positive.  This may obviously be significantly tempered whenever I actually get my first scan and see how many follicles are happening.  But also looking forward to finding out what will come out of the frozen eggs.

IVF 1 - Day 1

My period is here!  My period is here!  Who knew it could be so exciting?  I'm really a bit shocked that it's come so late, but anywhere, here it is.  My last period was particularly early, so I guess it makes sense. On the plus side, this would make a day 17 collection on Wednesday the 25th which would be a good timing, unless they decide for a day 15 collection, but I'll be surprised if this is the case. At any rate, this means I start stims tomorrow night, 300 Gonal F.  I'm excited and also a bit nervous to see how this cycle ends up.  How many fresh and then mature eggs will I get?  How will the frozen eggs defrost?  Will any fertilize?

The only decision I need to make now is whether or not to do ICSI and assisted hatching with all of the eggs or some of the eggs, or what.  I put it out to the ladies on the forum and it was a unanimous opinion that I should go for both.  I have to have ICSI with any of the defrosted frozen eggs, but it's optional for the fresh.  Given my age, ICSI is apparently better.  Assisted hatching is again recommended for things that are being defrosted and for 'older' eggs.  I fit into both categories, so I think I'll just go for both.  I did watch a video of ICSI though and it looked a bit violent.  Apparently there is a risk of damage to the egg, but it doesn't seem conclusive how that weights out against the risk of not fertilizing at all.

One of my best friends is having a frozen embryo transfer this month on almost the same timing as myself which would be a bit crazy for us to be pregnant at the same time.  Of course she's trying for her third child after something like 20+ cycles of various fertility treatments (which gave her the first two), so a little bit different.  But it would be sort of fun for me and my friend to be identically pregnant.

Anyway, fingers crossed for this cycle.  I don't know why I'm allowing myself to feel optimistic given the odds, but I just can't help it.