1y5m8d: Handling being a parent

I see in various places sometimes the question, "How do you handle being a parent?", especially from people who are not yet parents and thinking about being a parent.  And I think that part of this stems from seeing children out and about being active and rambunctious and thinking, "Oh my god, I couldn't possibly handle that!".  I think there is some foundation for this reaction, but the wonderful thing about being a parent is that you learn and grow alongside your child's development stages.

You aren't suddenly thrust into having to care for and manage a howling toddler. A newborn is for the most part, not that difficult, once you account for the lack of sleep and your tolerance for crying (and how much your baby may cry for that matter- mine didn't much).  Of course there are things that seem BIG and you are all encompassed by it while you're doing it. Slowly but surely though, your newborn infant will start to be more interactive. They roll over. They sit up. They look at things. And you, as their parent are right there with them. In fact, the reality is, you will likely miss many of these changes as they blur into a happy memory of newborn haze. The reality is, in the first six months of your child's life, you are becoming an adept parent just as your child is moving from a newborn to a baby.

The same transition happens from baby to toddler. Children don't one day wake up and start running. There is a learning curve. And again, you are right there by their side, watching their actions, learning what they do so you can be there to support them. The change in some ways is fast, but in other ways is slow and incremental. So slow, that you don't really notice, but again, your skills at managing your child are keeping up with their development.

Does that mean there aren't moments of desperation or exasperation? Of course not. But they aren't the end of the world. They're a moment. Moments pass.

It's funny though, because as much as I understand this paradigm, thinking about the reality of having two children based on having one, is one of the key reasons I don't really want another child. Because I see what it takes, and I don't think I have enough to go around for two.  At least, not to do it the way I want to do it. However, the reality is, if I had another child, I would adapt day by day until my new reality was commonplace. I still believe there would be more moments of exhaustion and exasperation, and I still know that financially it's not really what I can afford (or consequently what I would want if I did). But it's the same principle. Everything about children seems overwhelming until you have one. Then you just take it it day by day. And each day isn't actually all that hard upon reflection. That's how you handle it.

T minus 4 Days Until First Birthday

Can you believe it? I certainly can't. Where does the time go??!!

I am in some ways incredibly sad that I have been unable to keep up with this blog to document MJ's first year of life. It's been an incredible whirlwind. So much has happened. Now it all seems like a beautiful blur.

I do say that overall I find I handle motherhood and life well, but the reality is that something has got to give. For me it's been my home (which is a tip), and things like this blog- things that used to fill my personal time. Also in this category are knitting, reading, cooking, tidying, and shopping.

I wouldn't change it for anything.

So what can I say that could in any way cover the gap from my last post? MJ will officially be a toddler on Saturday, although she is not yet toddling. She does want to stand up all the time. She's getting much better at pulling herself up to it, and has take a few tentative shuffles but is not yet confidently cruising.

I'm back at work full-time which also means my personal time is limited. Although I'm writing this at work, so what does that tell you?  The adjustment wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. MJ was 7 months old when I returned to work half time for one month and 8 months old when I returned to work full time.  I think it was a very good time for this to happen as she was becoming an inquisitive, busy and active baby as opposed to a snuggly stay put newborn. So nursery was a great environment for her to explore new people, new toys, new things. I could not be happier with our nursery arrangement.

As an interesting side note, one thing I'm very thankful for is that in MJ's nursery class of 14 in total, there are 2 children (including MJ) with only a mom (and a donor) and 1 child with two moms. How cool is that? That means all of these children will grow up thinking that alternate families are just normal, and no child is isolated in that way.

And work is very stimulating and accommodating. I loved maternity leave. But I also love my job. I love that I am proud of what I do and feel I will be a good role model for my daughter.  I also love that for the most part, my job has a very good work life balance, which my previous career path did not. It feels like many things have fallen into place, and I'm happy to just focus on being a mother and doing my job. Things are set up to allow me to just... thrive in the environment I've created. I think that's just a fantastic gift that I've given myself. The space to just be and experience the life I've shaped.  I never want to take that for granted.

So maybe I should just post this now, so there is some sort of update. Work is busy, but maybe I can have this as a little procrastination thing, and update a little more often.

3 months 24 days - So many changes

First, I am sad that I haven't been keeping track of things here. I can't believe how quickly a baby grows and changes. People say to treasure the moments but before you know it, your sleepy delicate little newborn is much more of a baby and somehow got twice as big before you noticed!

MJ and I are doing great. Maternity leave is awesome. I mean really awesome. I love that my only responsibility is to take care of her. We have three more months of this and then I'll be going back to work when she is just about 7 months. To the Europeans among the readers this will seem early and to the Americans it will seem extravagant. I"m lucky to have both perspectives- so I can feel lucky to have this amazing amount of time with my daughter. But I also have the other perspective and I am not looking forward to handing her over to daycare and getting back to work.

On the upside, I have been offered a place at one of the University nurseries which is great. It's subsidized, so there's that, but it's actually just an awesome nursery with an 'outstanding' Ofsted rating. I went to visit it and I was actually looking forward to MJ being old enough that I could bring her for real. So that's good.

It's really hard for me to understand that I am a mother and what that means. Right now I just sort of exist, happily, day to day. I don't know that I can identify the ways in which I feel any different. Instead, it's been a rather seamless transition from not being a mother, to being one. I suppose these are matters for the future. I don't have to think about it much right now, because I exist in this pleasant limbo of time off of my 'real' life. I suspect things will change when I try to balance work with motherhood, but right now I don't have to worry about it.

Okay. I'll try to delve into topics of specific interest in the future, but just thought I'd update. Out of curiosity, and if any reader has an opinion, this bog was titled 'attempting' single motherhood before I knew it was going to happen. Should I start a new blog about being a mother or is that silly?

1 month 5 days - Settling in to the whirlwind

** I just noticed I put this post on the wrong blog!! So I've moved it to here. I am going to try and do some occasional posting and get back into it... motherhood really is a crazy whirlwind!!
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I don't get much time to type on the computer so updates are unfortunately going to be a bit slow. I've been working on my 'birth story' post in chunks. It's going to be a very long post, so I thought in the meantime I'd post an update here.

Motherhood is excellent. MJ is a relatively easy going baby at almost 5 weeks old. She changes so fast though! In the hospital I was already missing being pregnant and incredibly conscious of how precious each day was with her because she is growing so quickly! Newborn babies don't do very much. They're so little and delicate and lovely. And you are swimming with hormones that make it all the more intense.

The hormones have somewhat abated now and MJ is entering into her first 'wonder week' meaning she is more awake, more alert, and more of a growing person. It's also lovely and fascinating, but it's different. And all of it is passing in a strange haze of endless days at home, of breast feeding, diaper changes, sleep, and a bit of television.

My mom has been here for 3 weeks, so there is one more week to go. It's been okay with her here for the most part. Although she's changed all of one diaper....

Ah, see how this works- MJ is crying, and the boob bar needs to open. More later when I get a chance!

Welcome MJ!

Born 10 Feb 2017 - 8 lb 6 oz, 21 inches