There are so many thoughts going through my head all the time. Of course one of the bigger ones is whether or not this pregnancy will result in a baby. I still don't feel any different physically. I'm now not even sure that my breasts do feel firmer. I had a tiny bit of brown spotting again. But otherwise, no physical signs. Of course I could pay for another hCG test to see if the numbers are continuing to rise. But I don't think I will. My cheap eBay stick is a bit darker than the day before. There isn't anything else I can do but wait.
The other thoughts I have tend to circle around 'What have I done?!' and 'What am I doing?!'. Changing your life is terrifying. I don't care when you do it or how you do it. It's always going to come with a fear of the unknown. And a fear that you've made a wrong choice. I don't think I have, but the future is still an unknown place to me. I don't know what it will like to be pregnant yet. I don't know what it will be like to have a baby, to care for a child. So all of these things are a bit frightening. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I'm just being honest. There's a lot of things I don't know. And not knowing things is scary.
And perhaps part of it is the emotions filling in. The shock wearing off a little bit. Reality sinking in. There's plenty of time, but I feel like I need to be doing things. That I need to be better prepared. One of the things I've decided to do at the moment is daily gentle exercise. Either a pregnancy yoga video or walking around the park across the street. I think this is a good idea for any number of reasons. And it gives me something to focus on and do. Another thing I think I should try to get on top of is getting my UK driver's license. I've avoided it for years and years but I think being able to drive, or maybe having a car, would make my life immensely easier with a child. So these are things I need to do.
Then I'm doing other random stuff like some knitting projects- for ME for a change, and trying to get some personal work related professional stuff done. I feel motivated to do things. Which for me, is probably a good thing. I have no idea how long it will last.
Which then makes me think about if this pregnancy will last. I don't know if you ever feel 'safe' in this process- or if you ever feel safe again! It's really just one worry to the next. If I get to 8 weeks I'll start to feel a bit better. If I get to 12 weeks I'll feel a bit better. Etc. Early days.
Showing posts with label beta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beta. Show all posts
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Friday, June 10, 2016
Second Blood Test Results
That was a fast turn around! Blood taken this morning and the results are in; 144.6 iu/L. I also had my progesterone tested because I got a 'free' test with my paid test. It came in at 91.5 nmol/L which is also within the normal range (and means the Cyclogest suppositories are working fine). So that shows that the hCG has more than doubled in 48 hours. I will not undertake any more blood tests now, although I will continue to pee on my eBay sticks to see if they continue to darken. I guess now I just wait for the letter from The Rosie about when my first appointments and scans will be.
Still in a bit of shock. Still know there's a long way to go. So far though, pregnant!
Still in a bit of shock. Still know there's a long way to go. So far though, pregnant!
16dpo 4w5d - Official testing day
Today is the official day to do my test. I actually forgot this morning and only did my cheap eBay test. However, I didn't sleep well so was up very early and had to pee again later, so I did the clinic test on the second pee of the morning. I took a picture of the results. The top cheap eBay strip is from yesterday, you can just make out a squinter. The second thin strip is today's cheap eBay strip. Definitely getting darker, so hCG must be rising. The bottom thicker strip is the clinic strip- strong positive. I will head off for my second blood beta hCG test shortly. So far though, I'm feeling positive about what I can see.
In other news, I'm sure that my breasts are 'fuller' or at least firmer today. They don't necessarily look different but they definitely feel different. They feel as though I've lost 20 years! Ha! At any rate, this is the first physical sign that I think I have that there is anything different in my body.
Spotting has pretty much stopped.
This morning I did a prenatal yoga video from YouTube. I feel that I need to up my exercise game during a pregnancy. I'm not the most physically active and I think this is important both for my health, the health of the pregnancy, and the health of the fetus. So I found some good full session prenatal yoga workouts that I've put into a playlist. My goal will be to try to do this every other day, although daily would be better. I may try to alternate with going for walks around the park that is just outside my house. Convenient and perfect for low impact exercise.
Still can't really believe it. Having occasional fleeting thoughts of 'Holy fuck what have I done??!!??'. On some level it's all still sort of terrifying. But maybe in a good way? Hard to explain. But I'll definitely have time to delve into my feelings over the next nine months (fingers crossed).
In other news, I'm sure that my breasts are 'fuller' or at least firmer today. They don't necessarily look different but they definitely feel different. They feel as though I've lost 20 years! Ha! At any rate, this is the first physical sign that I think I have that there is anything different in my body.
Spotting has pretty much stopped.
This morning I did a prenatal yoga video from YouTube. I feel that I need to up my exercise game during a pregnancy. I'm not the most physically active and I think this is important both for my health, the health of the pregnancy, and the health of the fetus. So I found some good full session prenatal yoga workouts that I've put into a playlist. My goal will be to try to do this every other day, although daily would be better. I may try to alternate with going for walks around the park that is just outside my house. Convenient and perfect for low impact exercise.
Still can't really believe it. Having occasional fleeting thoughts of 'Holy fuck what have I done??!!??'. On some level it's all still sort of terrifying. But maybe in a good way? Hard to explain. But I'll definitely have time to delve into my feelings over the next nine months (fingers crossed).
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Blood Test Update
So I did get an actual reading for the beta hCG blood test, and it came back today (1 day later) so that's good. The 14 dpo reading was 59.3 iu/L. Apparently the range can be anywhere from 5-426 iu/L, and the average for a singleton pregnancy is 48 iu/L. So I'm above average, although it seems on the low end compared to other women posting results that I've seen. What seems to matter more is the doubling rate which should be around every 48 hours. So, I've paid for and booked another blood test for tomorrow morning. I don't know if I'll get the results on Saturday or will have to wait until Monday. I'm glad that they gave me the actual number. I'm slightly annoyed (although should have anticipated) having to pay for another blood test. Depending on the results I don't think I'll book a third. If it's doubling I may just be happy with that. If it's really low, I'll call my clinic or GP and get them to take it up because it could be a sign of something going wrong or an ectopic pregnancy. I wouldn't be in the situation where it dips and then rises which they think is due to an embryo falling off, because I know there was only one.
Budget update:
Budget update:
| Previous total | £12722 |
| Private beta hCG blood test | £134 |
| New total | £12856 |
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 31 8dp6dt 4w3d
This morning, my cheap Ebay test strip had a faint squinter line visible on it. The First Response test was again positive. Looks like hCG levels must be rising, and so far I'm positive. At 4 weeks 3 days it's still very early. It's 14 days past ovulation. There's a lot that can go wrong in the next few weeks.
I can't believe it yet. I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy. I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps. But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.
I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me. I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be. Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided. I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments. If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it. I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard). I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.
However, a positive test is a positive test. So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.
Holy shit.
I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result. I'm not a superstitious kind of person. In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy. First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is. The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents. Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want! And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus. So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong. And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.
I can't believe it yet. I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy. I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps. But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.
I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me. I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be. Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided. I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments. If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it. I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard). I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.
However, a positive test is a positive test. So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.
Holy shit.
I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result. I'm not a superstitious kind of person. In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy. First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is. The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents. Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want! And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus. So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong. And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt
Still negative this morning. Still no period.
I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately. I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK. Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure. I still assume it will be negative. I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k. Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!
Budget update:
I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately. I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK. Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure. I still assume it will be negative. I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k. Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!
Budget update:
| Previous total | £12588 |
| Private beta hCG blood test | £134 |
| New total | £12722 |
Monday, June 6, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 29 6dp6dt
Another day, another negative. I am finding this wait much harder than the IUI wait because I know there was a fertilized embryo there. With IUI you don't know if the sperm ever met the egg, if it fertilized or what. But this is different. And definitely more difficult.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
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