35w4d - Bigger and bigger

It's weird how pregnancy is counted in weeks, but most people not involved in pregnancy think in months. So today it is one month until my due date. hard to believe!

I'm pretty much almost ready for baby girl to arrive. The nursery furniture is finally pretty much complete and I've started washing things. There is a lot of stuff to wash!! So many hand me downs. I'm not at all complaining, I think it's great to get so much free stuff, most of it really nice and hardly worn. It's just a lot of laundry and sorting since I have bags of various sizes. The nursery actually looks like a baby room which is kind of exciting. The only thing I have left is for the blackout curtains to arrive and swap over from what's there now. And I'm still on the hunt for a petite rocking chair I can put in there as most gliders are just too big for the space, but I think a rocking chair would be nice to have.

My hospital appointment with the head midwife went well, and I'm approved to go to the birth center if labor starts on its own. I've done a first draft of my birth plan. I've starting eating 6 dates a day. I'm also doing the perineal massage  with Elastolabo and in a little over a week I'll start the Epi-No. I'm not sure why the Elastolabo is no longer readily available, but I have some tubes of it, so I'm using it. All of this preparation and I think it will be just my luck and I end up with a Cesarean or something. It will be what it will be, but I'm trying to do as much preparation as possible.

Meanwhile I now see the midwife every week. Not this Tuesday, but next Tuesday I'm supposed to have my appointment at the hospital in the birthing center. I wasn't able to call this week so I need to get that arranged first thing tomorrow.

Baby girl is getting bigger and so is my belly. She isn't the most energetic baby. She does move around but often it feels very mild and I have to pay attention. Sometime she clearly gets into a position where I feel her much stronger (and can see her moving) but mostly it's subtle feelings. This can stress me out because I keep getting told to pay attention if I don't feel anything, and often I really don't. Overall, pregnancy has sort of suited me. Aside from the small issues I've had, I generally feel comfortable, healthy, and fine. Pregnancy doesn't have to be this big uncomfortable ordeal. I do feel for women who clearly are having issues, but it also obviously doesn't happen to everyone. So overall I feel lucky. I mean, this is probably the only time in my life that I will be pregnant (or at least that's how I feel right now), so I'm glad that I'm sort of getting to enjoy it. I'll definitely miss feeling baby girl moving around in there. It's been truly special.

Next thing to get on top of is packing the hospital bag. My friend was down this weekend and helped me with some of that (and brought me a bunch of stuff we'd bought together when I visited in October). So I'm probably halfway packed. I was thinking of making some chocolate peanut butter oatmeal energy balls for snacking on during labor. And I should think about stocking up the freezer with some ready meals of some kind or another.

Work is so busy right now (although all in positive ways, so that's good)- I can't believe the first 2 weeks of January are already gone. Soon I won't be at work, and soon after baby will be here! I can't even begin to imagine how my life is going to change and what it's going to be like to have her here for real, separate from me. It's still terrifying to some level, but exciting as well. And it's going to be soon now!!

34w2d - Obstetrician meeting

I am pleased to report that my meeting with the consultant obstetrician yesterday went very well. Unlike the first one I saw, this one was very relaxed about my birth. She checked that I knew I was there to discuss induction. I did, and said that I was inclined to not have one at 39w but would be open to one at 40w as long as I had a check first to see if anything was happening on its own. She then suggested that was fine, and that I actually wait a couple more days, especially if I had a 'stretch and sweep'. So an induction has been tentatively scheduled for February 17th. But, she also said that if I don't want one then, I don't have to have one and can just be monitored. So basically, she offered the expectant monitoring without my having to ask for it. It was all a very reasonable and unexciting conversation, so that was great.

I had my last hypnobirthing class last night which was more about after birth and once baby arrives. Which had a lot to do with breast feeding. I am intending to breast feed, so I wasn't in need of any convincing. I did say though, that for some people it just doesn't work, no matter how well intentioned, and that similar to c-sections or other things related to birth, we need to stop demonizing other choices people make. I don't have any reason at this point to think I won't be able to breast feed, and I will try everything possible to get it going. But if something is wrong and I ultimately need to switch to formula? Then that's fine too.

On Monday I have my last hospital appointment for a while, this time with one of the head midwives at the birth center. My last hoop to jump through is to get permission to be allowed into the birth center if labor starts naturally. They are not inclined to allow this initially due to my age (of course) because they want continuous monitoring which can only be done on the ward. Except there doesn't seem to be any benefit to continuous monitoring, and anyway, the birth center is one floor down from the ward, so if needed, I can be moved. Anyway, I'm hoping that the meeting goes smoothly like yesterday's did and then everything is settled.

In the meanwhile I've been working on my birth plan. I'm torn between some of the visual/picture ones I've seen and just writing one out with bullet points. At the moment I'm going bullet points because I don't have the software on my computer here to do the visual one. I'll send a draft copy to my doulas to get their input and point out anything I may have missed.

The first week of January has really flown by. Granted it was a 4-day week. Still, baby girl is going to be here before I know it. I can't believe it.

31w5d - Strange dream

Last night was the first time I had a dream about giving birth.  I've had dreams about having a child, or being pregnant, but typically the actual 'birth' is something that gets glossed over in my dreams. Perhaps because this is becoming more prominent and I'm doing more reading and classes, but last night I dreamed about the birth itself. It was very strange of course, because I don't have real experience to draw on, so it was very surreal. On the plus side, it wasn't awful. So there's that.

I had my second official meeting with my doulas yesterday. That was good, they're really great. I need to start writing up my birth plan. We covered a lot of areas and things they will help me with in the upcoming weeks. One of them always goes with me to the hypnobirthing class which is nice for me and a win win for them, so all good. One will come with me to my scan on January 4th and the other will come with me to my obstetricians meeting on January 5th. Not entirely sure why I'm having the scan, though I'm not upset because I like seeing baby girl. The obstetrician meeting will be to discuss induction. I think right now I am going to not agree to a 39w induction but I will agree to a 40w induction in the hopes that I will go into labor before then. The other meeting I need to set up is with one of the head of midwifery at the Rosie to get permission that if I do go into labor I can go to the birth center and not straight to the delivery unit. Apparently this is what is recommended for women over 40 but I'm not very happy with that. If I go into normal labor, I want the chance to have a comfortable labor in the lovely birthing center. If something goes wrong, or I decide I need medical help, then they can stick me in the lift and take me upstairs to the delivery unit. But I don't want to start there.

So that's what's going on in pregnancy world at the moment. The pregnancy itself is progressing fine. Baby girl is obviously getting bigger so I can feel her more. Last night she really poked out prominently which was almost shocking! I wish I'd filmed it. I still cycle to and from work which feels perfectly fine. I might even be getting used to my hand and feet issues as they don't seem to be bothering me as much. I guess I'm in one of the 'accepting' phases of physicality. Give it a week or two and I'll be more uncomfortable again!

I can't believe that it's the last week of work before the holiday break. When I get back to work in January, it's a one month countdown until I'm off on maternity leave. It's so fast!! I'm starting to look forward to the change and for baby girl to go from an idea to reality. And I can't believe it's going to be happening so soon. I can't even begin to imagine all the different ways in which my life is going to change, but I'm getting excited about it.

28w3d - Doula meeting and Nursery planning

I had my first official meeting with my two Doulas. It was really great. I was surprised that it ended up being a 3 hour meeting. I guess I didn't know what to expect. I'm sure we could have just kept chatting but it was after work, late, and I'd started yawning. We talked about birth choices, my preferences, life post birth, the type of support I think I might need, and the type of support they could offer now including information on things like pre-birth yoga exercises, hypnobirthing, baby care, etc. I didn't expect less, but it was a very positive meeting and made me feel good about all things birth and baby. Currently very much in favor of the Doula experience, and feel that is likely to continue.

As I think I said in the last post, I've been toying with nursery furniture layouts. I was happy to see that someone has made all of the IKEA Stuva pieces I'm considering in sketchup which makes my life much easier when doing layouts (previously I made my own blocks but just found these and was very happy). I mean, if I can't use my skills as an architect sometimes, what's the point?! On the positive side, the new layouts suggest that I think I can fit in a little bit of extra storage. The question is, which way?

Option 1 includes a larger unit- two drawers and three shelves (if you use the top of the unit as a shelf as well which I would). The downside is this means there will be a partially blocked area of the crib which will be about 1'7" square. This option looks like this (although on the unit next to the wardrobe it won't be doors on the top but 2 open shelves):

Option 2 uses a smaller unit instead of the taller unit. The benefits being that the blockage to the crib will be less, but I'll lose 2 shelves (I can still use the top of the unit as a shelf area). Option 2 therefore, looks like this:

I really want some sort of shelf area so I can put a nightlight, the baby monitor, etc. Otherwise, there isn't anyplace I can easily put these things. I also think some extra storage is going to be needed/useful. With either of these options, in the future, the changing table becomes a child's desk and can move along the wall with the storage units and the bed can move to along the wall under the window where the changer is now. The reason I don't want the crib over there now is that it's against the radiator which I'm trying to leave open to function better. Also, it gets hot! When she's older, I'll be more comfortable putting the crib/child bed against it.

You can see that there's sort of floor area where I was really hoping to put some sort of rocking chair but the space is actually incredibly tight with the door openings and access to the changing table. I've tried some chair components and they just don't fit well. I think I'll need to get the furniture in and then see what space is really there (and test some of the chairs in the house I have already before buying a rocker).

Any thoughts from the peanut gallery? I'm hoping to purchase furniture in the next month and get it set up over the holiday break. I don't find either solution completely satisfying, and I'm still mourning the loss of a possible chair. But time is ticking and I need to make some decisions!

27w5d - Parties and publicity

So first, a warm welcome to any Italian visitors who have come to this blog having read the short piece that I was interviewed for. I've used Google translate to check it out and it seems to cover what I discussed with the reporter.  I'm also glad she got in links to the DCN and SMC as these have been great resources for me on this journey. I know that single parenthood is less common in Italy and I hope spreading awareness can help others find fulfillment in their lives, whatever decisions they make.

In other news I had my baby shower on Saturday! It was really lovely to have a small gathering of friends to celebrate future baby girl. It was at a funky place in London and we all did a high tea sort of thing. It's clearly set up for parties and worked well I think. Positively, most people bought gifts off my registry and they have been send straight to my house so I didn't have too much to carry back with me. There's a funny picture of me with balloons coming out of my backpack on the way back to the train to Cambridge. Yes, I'm one of *those* annoying people.

So things in the house are really starting to pile up. I got another bag of hand-me-downs from a work colleague who stopped in on Friday. Her daughter is 4 months old and she says a bunch of clothes she got (as gifts or hand-me-downs) were the wrong season, so she just brought them for me. Seriously, I'm not going to need any additional clothes for baby girl. In fact I seriously doubt her ability to wear all the clothes I've been given so far! This is not a bad thing, but I need to get some furniture so I can do some washing so I can start sorting it all out and determining what I have for what age, etc. One of my projects yesterday was to measure the spare room/future nursery so I could plot out a furniture layout. The room is not large (8'x7'6") and has two doorways with inward operating doors. There's also a window and radiator that basically leave me with an 'L' shaped layout. I've worked out it will be relatively simple to fit the crib, changing table, and wardrobe. However, fitting anything else that I was hoping for (an extra storage cubby or a rocking/glider chair) is pretty much impossible. I'll continue to ponder the layout (I'm thinking there's one option I didn't try), but it's definitely tight outside of the three fundamental pieces.

Baby girl has been particularly active the past couple days, or she's starting to have less room so I feel her more.  I'm either going through a phase where my body is adjusting and I'm slightly uncomfortable, or it's really just the start of the third trimester where you can't really get comfortable. Time will tell.

In other news, I will have my first official meeting with my doulas tonight, so looking forward to that. Still pondering this whole induction issue. But I have time.

22w1d - Advanced maternal age

On Tuesday I had a meeting with the obstetrician at the hospital. This was scheduled because I am borderline for pregnancy risk factors- my age, my weight, and my history of ovarian cyst and abdominal surgery. The meeting, which was very short, was relatively uneventful. However, the registrar said that due to my age, they recommend I have an induction at 39 weeks.  Apparently, once you are 40, your risk of stillbirth doubles from week 39 compared to a younger women. This sounds awful, but what it really means is your risk goes from 1:2000 to 1:1000 which still means you have a .01% risk of stillbirth. Still, this was not news I was expecting or prepared for. It sent me to looking through the internet and forums to confirm this information which does seem legitimate. However, it sort of sucks. Follow up reading suggests that induction does not increase the chance of a cesarean section, although I think this is widely held belief. I guess in part the reality is that older mothers in general have a higher rate of cesareans.

This will be something I need to continue to discuss with my midwife and doulas. I really wasn't planning to have the baby early, and I wasn't even thinking about induction at this stage. I guess I need to, and I need to start thinking about when to do it. It seems unclear if the testing shows a difference between 39w and 39w6d so I could get very close to my due date, or I could just decide to go a week early. Although this would only mean I took a week off of work. Decisions to make. But at least I have time to see how the pregnancy continues to progress and talk to my support team.

In other news, I'm off to the States tomorrow for a couple of weeks which should be good. Going to see family and friends which I'm looking forward to. Although I never look forward to the long flight. Hopefully all will be well. I got compression socks to wear so I can be a good pregnant woman.