According to my retrieval/fertilization date, I am exactly 10 weeks today (despite my LMP tracking date). If a pregnancy is around 40 weeks, that means I'm a quarter done already. I know that pregnancy counts in trimesters, but 40 doesn't divide well into 3. And anyway, at this stage, counting days and weeks is more the thing. So 25% it is.
Tomorrow I have arranged an NIPT and a scan. I'm nervous about the scan- that it will show that things have gone wrong. I will be very relieved if it doesn't, but I'm nervous now just the same. Today is also the first day that I'm completely off the progesterone/Cyclogest. There was nothing notable about reducing the progesterone, so it should be fine to go off completely now. Yet another removal of something that made me feel pregnant though!
I will of course report back on tomorrow's scan. Whatever will be is already determined. So it's just for me to find out what it is. I suppose the irony will be if the scan is normal but the NIPT is not. But of course I won't have those results for another week again. So, potentially straight from one waiting period to the next.
Showing posts with label progesterone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label progesterone. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Monday, July 18, 2016
54dpo 10w1d - Worrying
It's very easy for me to generally forget that I'm pregnant. I don't have any major symptoms other than tiredness. My breasts seem to have settled a bit after growing some and being sensitive. I still get very fleeting moments of feeling 'off' but nothing as much as nausea or throwing up.
Yesterday I convinced myself that maybe I wasn't pregnant anymore or had miscarried (or had a 'missed miscarriage since I haven't had any cramps or bleeding at all). So I peed on a stick which reassuringly came up straight away pregnant. But then I wondered if it was lighter than the last time I did the test. I think this is somewhat brought on my by wanting to schedule my NIPT this Friday. I can't quite find the one I want without a scan, so I get a scan thrown in (or rather, I pay for it). So I started to wonder and worry about what the scan might show.
This all ended up meaning that in general I felt grumpy yesterday. I may have been snappy with the boyfriend, which also continues to bother me because we've still not talked about the baby situation. I'm still annoyed that I need to bring it up and that he doesn't talk to me. I will, at some point, but maybe not when I'm feeling grumpy about it.
Actually, maybe I just feel irritable in general. It's hard to think of things that are making me happy right now. Work is stressful. People annoy me. Not all people, but a lot of them. I'm sure that the stress at work is not helping, and the stress of worrying and trying not to worry is not helping. I keep expecting the bad news to hit, and that's just not a useful mindset.
The only moderately positive thing on the pregnancy front is that I reduced my progesterone/Cyclogest to one a day and I only have one more day before it's gone. I was a bit worried about reducing to one a day, especially when so many women online seem to report staying on until week 12 and here I was reducing at week 9 to stop at week 10. But so far, no difference in my body or discharge or anything, so I assume it's all fine? Yay to fewer fingers in bums!
Yesterday I convinced myself that maybe I wasn't pregnant anymore or had miscarried (or had a 'missed miscarriage since I haven't had any cramps or bleeding at all). So I peed on a stick which reassuringly came up straight away pregnant. But then I wondered if it was lighter than the last time I did the test. I think this is somewhat brought on my by wanting to schedule my NIPT this Friday. I can't quite find the one I want without a scan, so I get a scan thrown in (or rather, I pay for it). So I started to wonder and worry about what the scan might show.
This all ended up meaning that in general I felt grumpy yesterday. I may have been snappy with the boyfriend, which also continues to bother me because we've still not talked about the baby situation. I'm still annoyed that I need to bring it up and that he doesn't talk to me. I will, at some point, but maybe not when I'm feeling grumpy about it.
Actually, maybe I just feel irritable in general. It's hard to think of things that are making me happy right now. Work is stressful. People annoy me. Not all people, but a lot of them. I'm sure that the stress at work is not helping, and the stress of worrying and trying not to worry is not helping. I keep expecting the bad news to hit, and that's just not a useful mindset.
The only moderately positive thing on the pregnancy front is that I reduced my progesterone/Cyclogest to one a day and I only have one more day before it's gone. I was a bit worried about reducing to one a day, especially when so many women online seem to report staying on until week 12 and here I was reducing at week 9 to stop at week 10. But so far, no difference in my body or discharge or anything, so I assume it's all fine? Yay to fewer fingers in bums!
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
48 dpo 9w2d - First midwife appointment
I've had my first midwife appointment which was fine. It took some time, as there seemed to be a lot of information to enter into the system. I would say the meeting was mostly procedural. There wasn't necessarily any new information from this meeting. She went over with me what vitamins I should be taking, what I should and shouldn't be eating, that I should be exercising but not adding new hardcore routines. I brought along a printout of the donor profile so I could answer any questions about 'the other side' which was useful. We touched briefly on where I might want to give birth, and who might be in the room with me. I don't know yet enough about my pregnancy to make any decisions about where to give birth, although I know I really don't want to do it at home. I think I will be too high risk for that anyway, but it otherwise it really doesn't interest me. The birth center is literally attached to the delivery hospital (same building) so you can always start off in the birth center and be quickly transferred if needed, which seems reasonable. But I'll find out more about how it works later in the pregnancy. We also discussed my relationship with the boyfriend and she agreed that a doula is probably a good idea for me, even if the boyfriend decides he wants to be involved. So that was good to talk about albeit briefly.
Part of the meeting was clearly to assess risk factors. Because of my age (almost 42) and my weight (BMI 34.5) and my history of an abdominal surgery (ovary removal) this puts me at various risks for various things. So one of the things she set me up with was a meeting with an obstetrician. I guess in the UK you don't meet with an obstetrician regularly unless you are high risk. So I'll go to be assessed and either they'll continue to want to see me or they'll release me back to my midwife team/GP. I may also have an extra scan due to my age. I'm also at a higher risk for pre-eclampsia so I'll need to start taking a daily baby aspirin at 12 weeks.
But basically that was all fine. The next steps are that I scheduled a blood test for Thursday and I need to also provide a urine sample (in the smallest urine pot known to man I might add). I am now expecting 3 letters: a welcome from the midwife detailing our discussion and baby aspirin stuff; an appointment letter for my 12 week scan at the hospital which includes a permission form for the Nuchal screening; and, an appointment letter for a meeting with the obstetrician. I've also confirmed that they don't do NIPT yet, so I'm going to schedule that next week. The midwife told me about another Cambridge based private clinic that offers it, but it's cheaper at the one I found already, so I think I'll stick to that. I think I'll also go for the Serenity Plus test over the Harmony. I don't think it makes very much difference at all, except I think I'll get the Serenity results quicker.
Oh, and I also asked about the Cyclogest/progesterone because I'm down to just a few days left. The midwife said I needed to call the IVF clinic to ask how long I should be on it, so I called them when I got back and had a very nice chat with one of the nurses who was there throughout my procedures. She said they normally would end around 7 weeks, and they're happy for it to stop at 9 weeks. She said it's up to me if I stop cold turkey or reduce then taper but it shouldn't make any difference at this point. So I think I will do a full dose tomorrow which is officially 9 weeks if you follow the retrieval/fertilization date. Then I will drop to one a day until I run out and I might every other day the last one or two. So that's one bit of good news that I don't have to be sticking things up my bottom twice a day very soon!
In other news, another woman on the forum in my group has miscarried which is just awful. I was hoping that we would not be the standard statistic as a group and yet we have reached it. And there could still yet be more. It's so heartbreaking. I try to stick to my mantra but am well aware there are still some big hurdles to get past. The NIPT and the 12 week scan being the big ones. I know that there is nothing I can do. What is going to happen is going to happen. The not knowing can be just so hard though.
Part of the meeting was clearly to assess risk factors. Because of my age (almost 42) and my weight (BMI 34.5) and my history of an abdominal surgery (ovary removal) this puts me at various risks for various things. So one of the things she set me up with was a meeting with an obstetrician. I guess in the UK you don't meet with an obstetrician regularly unless you are high risk. So I'll go to be assessed and either they'll continue to want to see me or they'll release me back to my midwife team/GP. I may also have an extra scan due to my age. I'm also at a higher risk for pre-eclampsia so I'll need to start taking a daily baby aspirin at 12 weeks.
But basically that was all fine. The next steps are that I scheduled a blood test for Thursday and I need to also provide a urine sample (in the smallest urine pot known to man I might add). I am now expecting 3 letters: a welcome from the midwife detailing our discussion and baby aspirin stuff; an appointment letter for my 12 week scan at the hospital which includes a permission form for the Nuchal screening; and, an appointment letter for a meeting with the obstetrician. I've also confirmed that they don't do NIPT yet, so I'm going to schedule that next week. The midwife told me about another Cambridge based private clinic that offers it, but it's cheaper at the one I found already, so I think I'll stick to that. I think I'll also go for the Serenity Plus test over the Harmony. I don't think it makes very much difference at all, except I think I'll get the Serenity results quicker.
Oh, and I also asked about the Cyclogest/progesterone because I'm down to just a few days left. The midwife said I needed to call the IVF clinic to ask how long I should be on it, so I called them when I got back and had a very nice chat with one of the nurses who was there throughout my procedures. She said they normally would end around 7 weeks, and they're happy for it to stop at 9 weeks. She said it's up to me if I stop cold turkey or reduce then taper but it shouldn't make any difference at this point. So I think I will do a full dose tomorrow which is officially 9 weeks if you follow the retrieval/fertilization date. Then I will drop to one a day until I run out and I might every other day the last one or two. So that's one bit of good news that I don't have to be sticking things up my bottom twice a day very soon!
In other news, another woman on the forum in my group has miscarried which is just awful. I was hoping that we would not be the standard statistic as a group and yet we have reached it. And there could still yet be more. It's so heartbreaking. I try to stick to my mantra but am well aware there are still some big hurdles to get past. The NIPT and the 12 week scan being the big ones. I know that there is nothing I can do. What is going to happen is going to happen. The not knowing can be just so hard though.
Friday, July 8, 2016
44dpo 8w5d - So Tired
Aside from slightly fuller, firmer breasts, the one symptom that I am experiencing relatively strongly is exhaustion. I wake up and I'm practically tired again straight away. It hasn't helped I'm sure that this has been an incredibly full week. I ran a workshop from Sunday night to Thursday late afternoon which started at 7:30/8:00am every day and went through dinner. Today, no rest for the weary, I had to get up early and cycle across town to do some lecturing. All stuff I love and enjoy, but man am I beat.
A friend of mine who reads this blog (but doesn't comment!! :P ;) ) texted me to suggest that my iron could be low. So when I have my midwife appointment next week, I will ask about this, and maybe they will test it. It would be good if there was a way I could help this particular symptom, but then another friend who I had lunch with today suggested that tiredness in pregnancy is just something you have to deal with and it doesn't particularly go away.
I guess I'll find out! I've also read that progesterone can make you feel more tired as well. I have about a week left of Cyclogest, so another thing I'll be bringing up to the midwife next week. I'm really not confident at all about when I should be stopping the progesterone and how I should be stopping it. As I'm on two a day, should I start by reducing to one a day? And do I have enough to that, and if I did want to do that, when should I start? I have enough to get through to Tuesday without sacrificing any one choice, so hopefully I'll get more insight from the midwife.
In other news, because I was at a workshop most of the week, where food is included, I felt that I ate like a pig and that I'd gained at least 5 pounds. In particular I thought this was true because my gut felt 'tight'. But when I weighed myself this morning at home, I only gained a pound and a half from all the cookies. So maybe the tightness is just the little squidge growing from a blueberry to a raspberry size? In general, as I am overweight, I'd like to be fairly careful with weight gain during pregnancy. I'm not supposed to gain all that much, given my starting weight/BMI, so I'd like to try to keep on top of that.
A friend of mine who reads this blog (but doesn't comment!! :P ;) ) texted me to suggest that my iron could be low. So when I have my midwife appointment next week, I will ask about this, and maybe they will test it. It would be good if there was a way I could help this particular symptom, but then another friend who I had lunch with today suggested that tiredness in pregnancy is just something you have to deal with and it doesn't particularly go away.
I guess I'll find out! I've also read that progesterone can make you feel more tired as well. I have about a week left of Cyclogest, so another thing I'll be bringing up to the midwife next week. I'm really not confident at all about when I should be stopping the progesterone and how I should be stopping it. As I'm on two a day, should I start by reducing to one a day? And do I have enough to that, and if I did want to do that, when should I start? I have enough to get through to Tuesday without sacrificing any one choice, so hopefully I'll get more insight from the midwife.
In other news, because I was at a workshop most of the week, where food is included, I felt that I ate like a pig and that I'd gained at least 5 pounds. In particular I thought this was true because my gut felt 'tight'. But when I weighed myself this morning at home, I only gained a pound and a half from all the cookies. So maybe the tightness is just the little squidge growing from a blueberry to a raspberry size? In general, as I am overweight, I'd like to be fairly careful with weight gain during pregnancy. I'm not supposed to gain all that much, given my starting weight/BMI, so I'd like to try to keep on top of that.
Friday, June 17, 2016
23dpo 5w5d - Finally a letter
So I finally got my letter from obstetrics telling me my first scan is scheduled for the 29th. That will be 35dpo or 7w3d. Still almost two weeks away. At least it's scheduled. I've also scheduled an appointment with my GP for Monday morning because apparently they arrange all your midwife appointments or some such. I have no idea. Healthcare is very different here than in the States and seeing as how I haven't been pregnant in either place, I really have no idea what the general schedule is. I was talking to a woman in my office who is going on maternity leave today and she said there's a 7 week, 12 week, and 20 week scan, and then the scans are done. It's also not clear to me yet if the UK has rolled out NIPT testing for all women- they did a big study on it and decided they would roll it out, but it's in process. So I don't know if I'll get it as standard or if it will be something else I need to seek out independently.
I peed on a stick this morning and the line came up quickly and dark. So, hCG still rising! In fact it came up so quickly that I'm not sure I'll get any stronger readings off them. I think I have 3 more of the eBay strips left. I also have 4 First Response tests left which seem wasteful. Maybe I'll try and pass them off to someone? Of course everything could go horribly wrong and I may need to start this all over again, so maybe just hold on to them until I'm out of some of the danger zones.
Of course being this early pregnant everything is a worry. I continue to have small twinges on my left side where my ovary is. I am of course obsessed with wondering if this could be signalling an ectopic pregnancy. I don't seem to have any other symptoms, but I don't like occasional twinges in the ovary region. Of course the scan will help verify what is going on- but that's not for two weeks. So until then I'm just trying to not make a mountain out of molehill and be obsessive about it. I got a twinge in the other side as well, which of course then made me think it could be an ectopic pregnancy in my Fallopian tube stump that's left from the surgery. See? Crazy.
In other news I've had my first offer of baby hand me downs, which is awesome! There are some things I'm willing to spend money on if I can't find what I want for a reduced price. But most stuff I'm super happy to take hand me downs for. Babies go through things so quickly and they are barely used. It makes total sense!
Not much else going on. Still haven't heard a word from the friend who dumped on me. I got a day by day pregnancy book which is kind of fun to read over breakfast. Still not really having symptoms that I can notice, which is probably just as well. Still doing my Cycologest/progesterone twice a day at 8am/pm like clockwork. I set an alarm for the evening one- very helpful. Still trying to be good about doing yoga or walking daily (as well as cycling to work). And life goes on!
I peed on a stick this morning and the line came up quickly and dark. So, hCG still rising! In fact it came up so quickly that I'm not sure I'll get any stronger readings off them. I think I have 3 more of the eBay strips left. I also have 4 First Response tests left which seem wasteful. Maybe I'll try and pass them off to someone? Of course everything could go horribly wrong and I may need to start this all over again, so maybe just hold on to them until I'm out of some of the danger zones.
Of course being this early pregnant everything is a worry. I continue to have small twinges on my left side where my ovary is. I am of course obsessed with wondering if this could be signalling an ectopic pregnancy. I don't seem to have any other symptoms, but I don't like occasional twinges in the ovary region. Of course the scan will help verify what is going on- but that's not for two weeks. So until then I'm just trying to not make a mountain out of molehill and be obsessive about it. I got a twinge in the other side as well, which of course then made me think it could be an ectopic pregnancy in my Fallopian tube stump that's left from the surgery. See? Crazy.
In other news I've had my first offer of baby hand me downs, which is awesome! There are some things I'm willing to spend money on if I can't find what I want for a reduced price. But most stuff I'm super happy to take hand me downs for. Babies go through things so quickly and they are barely used. It makes total sense!
Not much else going on. Still haven't heard a word from the friend who dumped on me. I got a day by day pregnancy book which is kind of fun to read over breakfast. Still not really having symptoms that I can notice, which is probably just as well. Still doing my Cycologest/progesterone twice a day at 8am/pm like clockwork. I set an alarm for the evening one- very helpful. Still trying to be good about doing yoga or walking daily (as well as cycling to work). And life goes on!
Monday, June 13, 2016
19dpo 5w1d - First sign of pregnancy brain?
I managed to lock myself out of my house this morning. My morning leaving routine goes like this: pack my bag, get all my cycling kit on, make sure my work card is in my pocket, make sure my keys are in my hand, exit door, shut door, unlock bike, go.
Well, this morning I managed to get out the door and shut it before realizing that my keys were not in my hand or in my coat pocket. They were not in my bag, or inside my purse inside my bag. I can only assume the are still inside the house. So there I was, unable to unlock my bicycle with all of my gear set to go. So I took off my helmet and sunglasses and ankle straps, managed to get everything into my pannier. Converted the pannier to a shoulder bag and then walked to work. It's about a 25-30 minute walk to work. So I guess I got in my walking exercise for the day. I will also need to walk home. On top of which I got up and did a 20 minute exercise routine that another lady on the SMC forums recommended. So exercise for today all sorted.
So far I've been good at my daily exercise plan. I hope I can keep it up. I have a very good reason to now, so I do find that's motivating. But there's a long way to go. The videos and doing things at home definitely help.
In other news, still zero physical feelings of being pregnant. So this morning I peed on a stick and it was darker than it was 2 days ago (I didn't do it yesterday). So hCG still rising, just not feeling anything yet. I'm sure it will come. It's just hard to believe I'm actually pregnant when I don't feel any different!
The rest of my cyclogest/progesterone suppositories should be delivered today. I still have a few days left, so I'm not in danger of running out yet. I think they were meant to have sent me a text yesterday to confirm the delivery and I didn't get any text. Anyway we'll see. If they don't arrive I'll obviously be calling. I think in the worst case scenario I could probably cycle to the clinic and get some because I bet they have some in stock. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Well, this morning I managed to get out the door and shut it before realizing that my keys were not in my hand or in my coat pocket. They were not in my bag, or inside my purse inside my bag. I can only assume the are still inside the house. So there I was, unable to unlock my bicycle with all of my gear set to go. So I took off my helmet and sunglasses and ankle straps, managed to get everything into my pannier. Converted the pannier to a shoulder bag and then walked to work. It's about a 25-30 minute walk to work. So I guess I got in my walking exercise for the day. I will also need to walk home. On top of which I got up and did a 20 minute exercise routine that another lady on the SMC forums recommended. So exercise for today all sorted.
So far I've been good at my daily exercise plan. I hope I can keep it up. I have a very good reason to now, so I do find that's motivating. But there's a long way to go. The videos and doing things at home definitely help.
In other news, still zero physical feelings of being pregnant. So this morning I peed on a stick and it was darker than it was 2 days ago (I didn't do it yesterday). So hCG still rising, just not feeling anything yet. I'm sure it will come. It's just hard to believe I'm actually pregnant when I don't feel any different!
The rest of my cyclogest/progesterone suppositories should be delivered today. I still have a few days left, so I'm not in danger of running out yet. I think they were meant to have sent me a text yesterday to confirm the delivery and I didn't get any text. Anyway we'll see. If they don't arrive I'll obviously be calling. I think in the worst case scenario I could probably cycle to the clinic and get some because I bet they have some in stock. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Friday, June 10, 2016
Second Blood Test Results
That was a fast turn around! Blood taken this morning and the results are in; 144.6 iu/L. I also had my progesterone tested because I got a 'free' test with my paid test. It came in at 91.5 nmol/L which is also within the normal range (and means the Cyclogest suppositories are working fine). So that shows that the hCG has more than doubled in 48 hours. I will not undertake any more blood tests now, although I will continue to pee on my eBay sticks to see if they continue to darken. I guess now I just wait for the letter from The Rosie about when my first appointments and scans will be.
Still in a bit of shock. Still know there's a long way to go. So far though, pregnant!
Still in a bit of shock. Still know there's a long way to go. So far though, pregnant!
Thursday, June 9, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 32 9dp6dt 4w4d
After tomorrow which is the 'official' testing day, I'm going to change the heading to reflect days past ovulation (currently 15dpo) and pregnancy weeks for simplicity's sake. It's good to know both, I think, and I can't keep calling this IVF 1!
Tested positive again this morning. The good thing about my cheap eBay strips is that they are showing continual progression. Today was clearer than yesterday. I think I will continue to take them to give myself some confidence that my hCG levels are rising since I can't get the blood tests to otherwise show it. It's actually a fairly useful way to measure an increase, although obviously I can't tell by how much.
Still having a bit of brown spotting. Not much, mostly watery and only on the toilet paper wipe. I'm also having a bit of 'tightness' on my right side where my ovary is. I am of course now worried that it could mean an ectopic pregnancy. On the other hand, without a period to 'reset' the ovary post stimulation, it may still just be recovering from being enlarged. I'm not sure. This is something an ultrasound would potentially be able to tell me. But I don't see how I can get one unless something starts to go really wrong.
I called my clinic today which is a day early to report the positives. I also called because it said in the take home information sheet that if you have a positive test and spotting you should call immediately. I'm still not overly concerned with the amount of spotting I'm seeing- it's not increasing and is now always brown. But I thought I'd call them anyway. They arranged an order for more progesterone/Cyclogest. They were going to send 3 boxes of 15 and I asked for 4. I don't think the extra progesterone hurts, and it seems more standard to go to week 9 or 10 from others so I asked for an extra box which should get me to week 9. It wasn't particularly expensive. I'll need to update the budget. I guess I'll keep updating the budget until a baby is hopefully born. I'm also still waiting for the bill for the assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing.
It's really weird because basically my clinic now releases me to the NHS for care. I feel like this is very quick and that other clinics in other countries continue with the patient until the first scan and then release them. This means that other than the progesterone, I've got nothing else to do but wait for a letter containing information about my first scan which should be around week 7-8. I guess there isn't anything else that I can be doing, because what will be will be, it just seems a rather sudden drop off a cliff. I've been so used to constant appointments and 'hand holding' that now I just feel a bit adrift.
I'm sure this will change though.
I'm also still in the 'I can't believe it' stage. This is helped by the fact that I'm not feeling anything physically. First trimester symptoms start to occur when the hCG really surges (and then tapers off) so I'm clearly not there yet. It's so surreal.
Monday, June 6, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 29 6dp6dt
Another day, another negative. I am finding this wait much harder than the IUI wait because I know there was a fertilized embryo there. With IUI you don't know if the sperm ever met the egg, if it fertilized or what. But this is different. And definitely more difficult.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 28 5dp6dt
Three days of testing, three negative tests. Still early for sure, but getting less early. I was in the pharmacy yesterday and was tempted to buy a brand name early response test as opposed to my eBay sticks. In the end I didn't, mainly because they had a buy one get one free but only one left. I might go back today to see if they restocked, or I could just keep doing what I'm doing. The outcome won't change, although my awareness might.
I feel nothing at all physically. The progesterone/cyclogest is going fine and I've taken them regularly, 8am & 8pm. The vaginal itching seems to have subsided, thankfully!!
Based on nothing but three too early tests and a lack of feeling anything physical at all, I think the transfer didn't stick and I am not pregnant. But I will obviously keep going, with the official clinic provided test on Friday. Just starting to prepare mentally for the disappointment. At least I have three embryos on ice.
Monday, May 30, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 22 5 day report
The short version: the transfer will hopefully be tomorrow, another day of waiting ahead.
The longer version:
So this morning I was waiting for the phone call. It didn't come at 9am so I started to get nervous. I think the phone finally rant around 9:30. It seemed like forever. I was particularly feeling anxious because another woman on the SMC forum who was trying this month had 6 day 3 embryos that all arrested on day 4. So I knew that this could happen, and I was worried I was going to get a call that said there was nothing to come in for.
The embryologist called to tell me that all six zygotes were successfully given laser assisted hatcing on Saturday, and all six have transformed into morulas. A morula is a transformational stage where the embryo moves from a collection of equal cells to differentiated cells. Not all embryos emerge out of the morula stage, so it could still be that tomorrow there is nothing. The embryologist was cautiously hopeful though that all 6 made it to morula stage; he said that he didn't expect them all to reach even that far. So it's not great, because it means they're all a bit slow, but it's also not bad. Yet. So, more waiting.
This weekend I've been feeling somewhat emotional. I don't know if it's due to hormones or what. My friend came to visit Saturday/Sunday and brought her 22 month old son. We had a good time, and I enjoyed having them here but I started to wonder what I'm getting myself into. On the one hand it all seems reasonable, and then on the other hand it's completely overwhelming and terrifying. I know that it is probably overwhelming and terrifying for everyone who has a child, single parent or no. Still, I just felt emotional about it. Am I really prepared for this? Am I really capable of doing it? I think these fears are normal. I'm not overly worried about it, I just had a surge for some reason.
I also think that I might enjoy the baby stage, and I may enjoy post potty training, but I may not love the toddler stage. I could be wrong. And I assume everything is always different when it's your kid. It's one thing to have a strange child in my home getting into everything versus a child who lives here who is used to my home and for whom the home is properly arranged. I mean, your own kids for sure get into everything, but your life shapes around their presence in it. Dropping a child into your life is a little bit different.
I think I've also been a bit grumpy because I think the Cyclogest/progesterone is making me have swelling and itching in the privates. Really not enjoying that. The swelling has gone down a bit, but the itching flares back up. I read online that this can be a side effect, especially for women taking it vaginally. I'm not, but I'm sure it's related. Some of the online posters suggested getting some Canesten cream for the itch. If I'm lucky enough to have a transfer tomorrow, then I think I'll also ask about this.
So that's where things are. I'm feeling anxious. I will know what's happening soon enough by way of the transfer at least, and then I'll have to wait to see if I'm pregnant. And if I'm pregnant, I'll be waiting to see if I can get through the benchmarks without a miscarriage. I'm not sure anyone ever talks about this stage of trying to get pregnant or pregnancy. I'll be posting everything here, which includes if things go badly. I'm positive not enough women talk about this and by the time they announce they're pregnant, they've just kept all this to themselves. That's just not my style I guess.
The longer version:
So this morning I was waiting for the phone call. It didn't come at 9am so I started to get nervous. I think the phone finally rant around 9:30. It seemed like forever. I was particularly feeling anxious because another woman on the SMC forum who was trying this month had 6 day 3 embryos that all arrested on day 4. So I knew that this could happen, and I was worried I was going to get a call that said there was nothing to come in for.
The embryologist called to tell me that all six zygotes were successfully given laser assisted hatcing on Saturday, and all six have transformed into morulas. A morula is a transformational stage where the embryo moves from a collection of equal cells to differentiated cells. Not all embryos emerge out of the morula stage, so it could still be that tomorrow there is nothing. The embryologist was cautiously hopeful though that all 6 made it to morula stage; he said that he didn't expect them all to reach even that far. So it's not great, because it means they're all a bit slow, but it's also not bad. Yet. So, more waiting.
This weekend I've been feeling somewhat emotional. I don't know if it's due to hormones or what. My friend came to visit Saturday/Sunday and brought her 22 month old son. We had a good time, and I enjoyed having them here but I started to wonder what I'm getting myself into. On the one hand it all seems reasonable, and then on the other hand it's completely overwhelming and terrifying. I know that it is probably overwhelming and terrifying for everyone who has a child, single parent or no. Still, I just felt emotional about it. Am I really prepared for this? Am I really capable of doing it? I think these fears are normal. I'm not overly worried about it, I just had a surge for some reason.
I also think that I might enjoy the baby stage, and I may enjoy post potty training, but I may not love the toddler stage. I could be wrong. And I assume everything is always different when it's your kid. It's one thing to have a strange child in my home getting into everything versus a child who lives here who is used to my home and for whom the home is properly arranged. I mean, your own kids for sure get into everything, but your life shapes around their presence in it. Dropping a child into your life is a little bit different.
I think I've also been a bit grumpy because I think the Cyclogest/progesterone is making me have swelling and itching in the privates. Really not enjoying that. The swelling has gone down a bit, but the itching flares back up. I read online that this can be a side effect, especially for women taking it vaginally. I'm not, but I'm sure it's related. Some of the online posters suggested getting some Canesten cream for the itch. If I'm lucky enough to have a transfer tomorrow, then I think I'll also ask about this.
So that's where things are. I'm feeling anxious. I will know what's happening soon enough by way of the transfer at least, and then I'll have to wait to see if I'm pregnant. And if I'm pregnant, I'll be waiting to see if I can get through the benchmarks without a miscarriage. I'm not sure anyone ever talks about this stage of trying to get pregnant or pregnancy. I'll be posting everything here, which includes if things go badly. I'm positive not enough women talk about this and by the time they announce they're pregnant, they've just kept all this to themselves. That's just not my style I guess.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 20 3 day report
The embryologist called me this morning to report that I have 6, 3-day embryos. One of the fertilized seven seems to have stopped after a two cell split and isn't expect to go any further. Of the 6, four are very good and two are good. Interestingly, from the thawed frozen eggs, the best looking 3-day embryo is one of the frozen, but the one that stopped after dividing is the other.
I discussed with the embryologist that we will wait until day 5 for a hopeful transfer. He warned me that from these 6, I would be looking at 2-3 blastocysts comfortably, and that 4 would be an exceptional outcome. Fingers crossed there is at least one.
I plan to transfer one blastocyst if I'm lucky enough to have more than one. I really don't want multiples. If it happens on its own, that's one thing, but I don't want to increase my chances by transferring two.
The laser assisted hatching will be done later today on all of the embryos. The embryologist told me that if you do it on day 5 you risk injuring the blastocyst. On day 3, the shell or zona pellucida is still thick and easy to nick with the laser. It thins towards day 5 so becomes more difficult. It seems a fairly routine procedure so I'm not too worried about anything going wrong. Also, I asked, and it's completely fine and normal to freeze a blastocyst which has already had the assisted hatching. I'm glad they said they'd cap the cost at £250 now!! Otherwise that would have been £125 per embryo. I would have spent it of course, but I'm glad for the discount with 6 to do.
I've been feeling pretty bloated and a bit crampy since the egg retrieval. Looking online, this could also be due to starting the progesterone/Cyclogest. I'm not loving that I've got to take a suppository twice a day for what I hope is something like the next 10 weeks. I'll do it obviously, I'm just not loving it. And I hope the bloating and cramps reduce.
I'm sort of amazed when I think about it- that eggs from my body have been fertilized with sperm and there is potential life in a petri dish at the clinic. It's actually sort of hard to get my head around. You spend so long focusing on trying to conceive, it's hard to imagine the jump to the next step. I'm not there yet of course, and all of this may not work and could go horribly wrong. But a thread of me is still pretty hopeful and giddy with anticipation.
I discussed with the embryologist that we will wait until day 5 for a hopeful transfer. He warned me that from these 6, I would be looking at 2-3 blastocysts comfortably, and that 4 would be an exceptional outcome. Fingers crossed there is at least one.
I plan to transfer one blastocyst if I'm lucky enough to have more than one. I really don't want multiples. If it happens on its own, that's one thing, but I don't want to increase my chances by transferring two.
The laser assisted hatching will be done later today on all of the embryos. The embryologist told me that if you do it on day 5 you risk injuring the blastocyst. On day 3, the shell or zona pellucida is still thick and easy to nick with the laser. It thins towards day 5 so becomes more difficult. It seems a fairly routine procedure so I'm not too worried about anything going wrong. Also, I asked, and it's completely fine and normal to freeze a blastocyst which has already had the assisted hatching. I'm glad they said they'd cap the cost at £250 now!! Otherwise that would have been £125 per embryo. I would have spent it of course, but I'm glad for the discount with 6 to do.
I've been feeling pretty bloated and a bit crampy since the egg retrieval. Looking online, this could also be due to starting the progesterone/Cyclogest. I'm not loving that I've got to take a suppository twice a day for what I hope is something like the next 10 weeks. I'll do it obviously, I'm just not loving it. And I hope the bloating and cramps reduce.
I'm sort of amazed when I think about it- that eggs from my body have been fertilized with sperm and there is potential life in a petri dish at the clinic. It's actually sort of hard to get my head around. You spend so long focusing on trying to conceive, it's hard to imagine the jump to the next step. I'm not there yet of course, and all of this may not work and could go horribly wrong. But a thread of me is still pretty hopeful and giddy with anticipation.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 18 fertility report
I'm at my workshop this morning, so no time for a long post. 5 of the 8 injected fresh eggs appear to have fertilized this morning, with another that may or may not (likely not) have fertilized. Both of the frozen eggs that made it through and were injected with sperm have fertilized. So 7 definite fertilized eggs from the 10 that got injected. The embryologist said this was a good result as their clinic results for fertilization is 60-65% so I'm a bit higher. Now, no news until Saturday where it will either be a 3-day transfer or a hold for day 5. At least I have the workshop to keep me busy!! Oh yeah, and I've started cyclogest/progesterone suppositories this morning and will be taking them every 12 hours for a while.
Monday, May 23, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 15 last scan
Had my last scan this morning to confirm the egg retrieval schedule. I take my Ovitrelle injection at 9pm tonight and my retrieval is scheduled for 9am Wednesday morning (of course I need to be at the clinic sooner). I think I'm the first one of the day so that they can defrost the frozen eggs and then let me know if they defrosted okay or if they suggest defrosting anymore. It looks like there were around 9 or 10 follicles of varrying sizes so I'm hoping for 5 fresh eggs. If I get 5, that would be a good result all things considered. On the day of the procedure I will take an antibiotic at 7:30am and I start the progesterone (Cyclogest) the day after the procedure. I need to make sure I have everything prepared because I'll be away at this workshop Thursday and Friday. But really, all it is I need is the Cyclogest I think. I might pee on a stick tomorrow just to see what a positive test looks like from the trigger. That is perhaps wasteful, but part of me wants to just make sure my ebay tests work.
So close now! It's going to be hurdle after hurdle to get from here to a successful transfer. There's a lot of possible failure points. Fingers crossed.
So close now! It's going to be hurdle after hurdle to get from here to a successful transfer. There's a lot of possible failure points. Fingers crossed.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Pre IVF consultation
I had my pre IVF consultation with my clinic this afternoon. I went there thinking I had a perfectly reasonable plan which has been encouraged both by my egg freezing doctor (way back when) and by the first doctor I saw at this clinic. This was, mainly, to do a fresh IVF cycle and save my frozen eggs as a last resort.
This plan was immediately questioned by the doctor I met to have my consultation with. It was the same doctor who did my Hycosi although that was the only time I've met with him previously. He thought I should be going straight to my frozen eggs as this would give me the best chance of success at this stage. Now, the reason for not using the frozen eggs straight away was if I am fertile now, that gives me an option for the future, if I want one. I don't at the moment think I want one. I think that one child would be all I want. But I liked the idea of holding something in reserve. However, the doctor was really surprised and encouraged me to not put my body through IVF when I could use frozen eggs. So this threw my thinking completely out. I held firm at first, and then as we kept talking I started questioning myself.
In addition to this confusion, he was looking at my file and saying that I needed to attend the 'information session' as a matter of policy. Now, way back when, when I started treatment they said I had to do the information session. Then, when I explained I'd done egg freezing and was pretty well versed in the fertility sphere, they said I didn't have to. But apparently now I do have to. So I got scheduled in to attend an information session where I strongly doubt I will learn anything new. In addition to this hoop jumping, he informed me that I also needed a consultation with a counselor about the implications of using donor sperm. I don't mind meeting with a counselor, but again, I feel fairly well versed in the implications of using donor sperm and am in fact this weekend going to a conference hosted by the DCN - so I will jump through this hoop but it annoyed me.
Anyway, back to the consultation.
So the doctor relented that ultimately it was my decision but it was clear he didn't think I should be doing fresh IVF to start. He was also saying that a lot of things had to happen to start the cycle so I couldn't just assume I could start with my period in May which stressed me out. He then saw me getting stressed and tried to convey that staying calm through all this is helpful for getting pregnant. In the meantime, I'm thinking to myself that I understand where he's coming from but he's not being particularly helpful in ensuring that I am calm because he's causing all sorts of disruptions to things that I thought were reasonably fixed!
So as we're discussing it back and forth, and he's making me feel not so great by commenting that if I only got 6,4, and 3 eggs on my egg freezing cycles that my chances for IVF retrieval at this stage were not so great, he mentions that I could consider doing a fresh IVF cycle and also at the same time defrosting half of the frozen eggs to increase my chances of having one or two viable embryos. Now this sounded better to me. First, because I can plan to start the IVF cycle in May and now it's really about getting in touch with my London clinic to arrange the transfer of my eggs to Cambridge and having them in place for this to happen. It also allows me to save half of the frozen eggs for a second try either immediately if this doesn't work, or in the future possibly. So I think out of the 13 frozen eggs I have, I may suggest they start by defrosting 6 for this cycle. Those will need to be fertilized with ICSI, and they can be watched alongside anything that may be retrieved from the fresh cycle.
So it's a slightly different plan but one I actually feel reasonably good about. I am also going to email the embryologist to see what would happen for example, if the 6 don't defrost or fertilize for some reason, would there be time to defrost the other 7 in this cycle (I actually have no idea how long it takes to defrost an egg although I assume not so quickly). This means I am now waiting for them to price up this option and the drugs costs and then I can order my drugs and schedule a counselling session and attend the information evening and be all set to start my IVF drugs on day 2 of my period.
Phew.
So a good result in the end that I have a plan and it's all systems go. But really more stressful than it needed to be and a bit of a kick from a doctor who was clearly trying to tell me that he didn't think my odds were so great being over 40. But anyway, I'll see what I get fresh, and I'll give some of those frozen eggs a chance and we'll see where we get to.
But first I need to call my old clinic and see about getting those eggs transferred to Cambridge. I'm sure I'll need to sign a release or some such even though I will never actually see these eggs and it will all be done clinic to clnic. The UK is very strict on fertility issues! So much paperwork.
Anyway, it seems like more updates will be on the way as the planning progresses.
This plan was immediately questioned by the doctor I met to have my consultation with. It was the same doctor who did my Hycosi although that was the only time I've met with him previously. He thought I should be going straight to my frozen eggs as this would give me the best chance of success at this stage. Now, the reason for not using the frozen eggs straight away was if I am fertile now, that gives me an option for the future, if I want one. I don't at the moment think I want one. I think that one child would be all I want. But I liked the idea of holding something in reserve. However, the doctor was really surprised and encouraged me to not put my body through IVF when I could use frozen eggs. So this threw my thinking completely out. I held firm at first, and then as we kept talking I started questioning myself.
In addition to this confusion, he was looking at my file and saying that I needed to attend the 'information session' as a matter of policy. Now, way back when, when I started treatment they said I had to do the information session. Then, when I explained I'd done egg freezing and was pretty well versed in the fertility sphere, they said I didn't have to. But apparently now I do have to. So I got scheduled in to attend an information session where I strongly doubt I will learn anything new. In addition to this hoop jumping, he informed me that I also needed a consultation with a counselor about the implications of using donor sperm. I don't mind meeting with a counselor, but again, I feel fairly well versed in the implications of using donor sperm and am in fact this weekend going to a conference hosted by the DCN - so I will jump through this hoop but it annoyed me.
Anyway, back to the consultation.
So the doctor relented that ultimately it was my decision but it was clear he didn't think I should be doing fresh IVF to start. He was also saying that a lot of things had to happen to start the cycle so I couldn't just assume I could start with my period in May which stressed me out. He then saw me getting stressed and tried to convey that staying calm through all this is helpful for getting pregnant. In the meantime, I'm thinking to myself that I understand where he's coming from but he's not being particularly helpful in ensuring that I am calm because he's causing all sorts of disruptions to things that I thought were reasonably fixed!
So as we're discussing it back and forth, and he's making me feel not so great by commenting that if I only got 6,4, and 3 eggs on my egg freezing cycles that my chances for IVF retrieval at this stage were not so great, he mentions that I could consider doing a fresh IVF cycle and also at the same time defrosting half of the frozen eggs to increase my chances of having one or two viable embryos. Now this sounded better to me. First, because I can plan to start the IVF cycle in May and now it's really about getting in touch with my London clinic to arrange the transfer of my eggs to Cambridge and having them in place for this to happen. It also allows me to save half of the frozen eggs for a second try either immediately if this doesn't work, or in the future possibly. So I think out of the 13 frozen eggs I have, I may suggest they start by defrosting 6 for this cycle. Those will need to be fertilized with ICSI, and they can be watched alongside anything that may be retrieved from the fresh cycle.
So it's a slightly different plan but one I actually feel reasonably good about. I am also going to email the embryologist to see what would happen for example, if the 6 don't defrost or fertilize for some reason, would there be time to defrost the other 7 in this cycle (I actually have no idea how long it takes to defrost an egg although I assume not so quickly). This means I am now waiting for them to price up this option and the drugs costs and then I can order my drugs and schedule a counselling session and attend the information evening and be all set to start my IVF drugs on day 2 of my period.
Phew.
So a good result in the end that I have a plan and it's all systems go. But really more stressful than it needed to be and a bit of a kick from a doctor who was clearly trying to tell me that he didn't think my odds were so great being over 40. But anyway, I'll see what I get fresh, and I'll give some of those frozen eggs a chance and we'll see where we get to.
But first I need to call my old clinic and see about getting those eggs transferred to Cambridge. I'm sure I'll need to sign a release or some such even though I will never actually see these eggs and it will all be done clinic to clnic. The UK is very strict on fertility issues! So much paperwork.
Anyway, it seems like more updates will be on the way as the planning progresses.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
TWW 2 - Day 8 testing testing
Took my first pregnancy test this morning and it was negative. However, this means pretty much close to nothing. I'm glad I can start testing, but the likelihood of a useful result is minuscule. I also went to my GP for my progesterone blood test. Like last time, it seems my clinic neglected to request the test, so the GP had no record of it. Luckily I knew what I was there for, and they were happy to do it. I also asked if there had been anything from the results of the first post IUI progesterone test, and the nurse saw the note in my file that said it was all normal, no further action. I sort of assume this will be the same. None of the tests I've been having have flagged up any worrying numbers on anything. I seem to be healthy and in normal ranges for my age, etc.
Still feeling a bit melancholy about this whole trying business. It's probably a good thing to get a short break between this cycle and starting IVF (if that is indeed the case). One month where I don't have to think about it too much. And where I could have a cheeky drink!
It would be so amazing/exciting/thrilling/terrifying/fantastic/unbelievable if I was pregnant. I'm just finding that I'm convincing myself that this isn't possible. I know it's totally possible. I am not so old. My numbers are not so bad. Lots of people just get pregnant naturally and here I am having medical help! This is completely doable and in that sense, the odds are in my favor.
But it's a crummy process that really just takes a lot out of you. Worse I think if you are doing it all on your own. I do have friends I can talk to, but I don't talk to them all the time, and it's not what I want to be talking to them about all the time either. This is pretty much a solo effort and so it also falls to me to do most of the damage control.
I'll be glad when I know about this cycle for certain.
Still feeling a bit melancholy about this whole trying business. It's probably a good thing to get a short break between this cycle and starting IVF (if that is indeed the case). One month where I don't have to think about it too much. And where I could have a cheeky drink!
It would be so amazing/exciting/thrilling/terrifying/fantastic/unbelievable if I was pregnant. I'm just finding that I'm convincing myself that this isn't possible. I know it's totally possible. I am not so old. My numbers are not so bad. Lots of people just get pregnant naturally and here I am having medical help! This is completely doable and in that sense, the odds are in my favor.
But it's a crummy process that really just takes a lot out of you. Worse I think if you are doing it all on your own. I do have friends I can talk to, but I don't talk to them all the time, and it's not what I want to be talking to them about all the time either. This is pretty much a solo effort and so it also falls to me to do most of the damage control.
I'll be glad when I know about this cycle for certain.
Monday, March 28, 2016
TWW 2 - Day 5
Waiting waiting waiting waiting. It's so annoying. I'm still thinking about it a lot, but maybe not quite as much as the first time. I think maybe that's because I feel like it won't work. This is of course tempered by my wondering if any small feeling in my uterus area might be a sign that something is working. But overall, I think I've mostly convinced myself that I won't get pregnant this time. Which will of course make it all the more shocking if it turns out I am. Only three more days before I can start early testing. Although of course on day 8 there is a 67% chance of a false negative, so it's not at all a good sign. But it's the first day that I feel I can start testing on. Then one a day until the day I'm supposed to. By day 10 for example, the chance of a false negative drops to 33%. I just find it helpful to feel like I can be doing something.
I also need to remember to go to the GP on Thursday for a progesterone test. I'm not entirely sure why I need to get this test for an IUI. I'm not even sure anyone looked at it the first cycle. At least at my GP they mostly manage to get my blood out on the first try. I think I may have sorted out part of the reason for the problem at the clinic though. I usually cycle to the clinic and when I cycle for more than 15 minutes, I tend to lose circulation in my hands (my fingers go numb). So I wonder if this isn't related to why they have trouble getting blood out there. Not that there's much I can do about it!
Anyway. I don't have much to say here at the moment. Just getting on with normal life things trying not to think about if I might be pregnant while I wait for the day I can start testing.
I also need to remember to go to the GP on Thursday for a progesterone test. I'm not entirely sure why I need to get this test for an IUI. I'm not even sure anyone looked at it the first cycle. At least at my GP they mostly manage to get my blood out on the first try. I think I may have sorted out part of the reason for the problem at the clinic though. I usually cycle to the clinic and when I cycle for more than 15 minutes, I tend to lose circulation in my hands (my fingers go numb). So I wonder if this isn't related to why they have trouble getting blood out there. Not that there's much I can do about it!
Anyway. I don't have much to say here at the moment. Just getting on with normal life things trying not to think about if I might be pregnant while I wait for the day I can start testing.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
TWW 2 - Day 1
So I managed to trigger with the Pregnyl when I got home on Tuesday, around 6:15pm or so. The Pregnyl is really fussy and annoying. This time I managed to break open the glass vials without crushing them which was good. But then I think a tiny splash of water came out when I snapped off the top of the water bottle. Then, when I was priming the needle a tiny bubble of fluid came out and fell on the floor. So I was feeling stressed when I finally managed to inject, only to do it in a funny way that's left a dark point bruise on my belly.
Having done some more reading around the internet, it seems that having two follicles (or three, or even sometimes four) is not at all unusual for an IUI so I think my odds are still 6% (or 11% if you consider both cycles). I was a little disappointed by that, but I'm still happy that I had two good sized follicles for this cycle because that's got to be better than one!
On Wednesday my morning meetings went late so I only had 20 minutes for lunch and to turn myself around before the taxi came to take me to the clinic. It's a small indulgence I have to take a taxi to the clinic but the alternative would be to cycle and I don't really want to cycle around the procedure. In the grand scheme of things, the £14 return is really not an issue.
My procedure was a little bit late because the doctor had to come from the main hospital to the clinic. Once she arrived it was all very quick and straightforward like the first time. I was the only patient there. I changed in the recovery area in my own little cubicle, then when the doctor arrived and all was ready, I walked with the nurse to the procedure room. It was a little bit different from last time because there was no trainee doctor. So the regular doctor did the procedure and this meant there wasn't any ultrasound. I asked her about this afterwards, she said that because embryo transfer is similar to IUI, they would have used the ultrasound to watch the placement of the tube during the IUI for training, but it wasn't necessary. It also wasn't necessary to scan my ovary to see if the follicles had released she said. Basically, with IUI, it's a less precise procedure. There's really nothing they can do other than the insemination at that point. The ultrasound won't tell you anything and would potentially only be stressful if you didn't see that the follicles had disappeared or released. So fair enough.
The way the IUI works at my clinic is the doctor gets you all prepped with the tube through the cervix, then the nurse knocks on the window to the embryologist's lab and he hands over the sperm through the window after confirming who you are. I also have an ID card that I insert into a scanner that I think registers in the embryology lab as well. At any rate, I had a chat with the embryologist as well with my legs all up in the stirrups. I asked about the sperm motility since I didn't the first time. I think he said it was 36 or 37 which was well over the 25 guaranteed by the clinic, so that was good.
The sperm got connected, inserted, the tube was removed and all was done! They said I could lie there for a bit if I wanted or get up. I decided to lie there for a bit but asked the doctor some more questions while I did so it ended up being useful. While obviously I really want this cycle to work, I'm realistic that it may not so I asked the doctor about moving on to IVF. She explained that I'd need to come in for additional consultation and that there's a lot more HFEA paperwork that needs to be filled out for IVF. So I wouldn't be able to start an IVF cycle next month, it would have to be the month after. But that's okay. April is actually a very busy month for me so it would potentially be difficult to schedule scans around my work commitments. Again, I obviously hope it doesn't come to that, but I guess I'm more of a realist than an optimist.
So now the two week wait begins again. I've scheduled my progesterone blood test with my GP for next Thursday. The clinic also gave me two pregnancy tests and the date to take them on. I'll probably do the same thing as last time and start with my Ebay ones until the day I'm supposed to take them according to the clinic. But maybe I'll use the extra one they gave me for the day before.
Having done some more reading around the internet, it seems that having two follicles (or three, or even sometimes four) is not at all unusual for an IUI so I think my odds are still 6% (or 11% if you consider both cycles). I was a little disappointed by that, but I'm still happy that I had two good sized follicles for this cycle because that's got to be better than one!
On Wednesday my morning meetings went late so I only had 20 minutes for lunch and to turn myself around before the taxi came to take me to the clinic. It's a small indulgence I have to take a taxi to the clinic but the alternative would be to cycle and I don't really want to cycle around the procedure. In the grand scheme of things, the £14 return is really not an issue.
My procedure was a little bit late because the doctor had to come from the main hospital to the clinic. Once she arrived it was all very quick and straightforward like the first time. I was the only patient there. I changed in the recovery area in my own little cubicle, then when the doctor arrived and all was ready, I walked with the nurse to the procedure room. It was a little bit different from last time because there was no trainee doctor. So the regular doctor did the procedure and this meant there wasn't any ultrasound. I asked her about this afterwards, she said that because embryo transfer is similar to IUI, they would have used the ultrasound to watch the placement of the tube during the IUI for training, but it wasn't necessary. It also wasn't necessary to scan my ovary to see if the follicles had released she said. Basically, with IUI, it's a less precise procedure. There's really nothing they can do other than the insemination at that point. The ultrasound won't tell you anything and would potentially only be stressful if you didn't see that the follicles had disappeared or released. So fair enough.
The way the IUI works at my clinic is the doctor gets you all prepped with the tube through the cervix, then the nurse knocks on the window to the embryologist's lab and he hands over the sperm through the window after confirming who you are. I also have an ID card that I insert into a scanner that I think registers in the embryology lab as well. At any rate, I had a chat with the embryologist as well with my legs all up in the stirrups. I asked about the sperm motility since I didn't the first time. I think he said it was 36 or 37 which was well over the 25 guaranteed by the clinic, so that was good.
The sperm got connected, inserted, the tube was removed and all was done! They said I could lie there for a bit if I wanted or get up. I decided to lie there for a bit but asked the doctor some more questions while I did so it ended up being useful. While obviously I really want this cycle to work, I'm realistic that it may not so I asked the doctor about moving on to IVF. She explained that I'd need to come in for additional consultation and that there's a lot more HFEA paperwork that needs to be filled out for IVF. So I wouldn't be able to start an IVF cycle next month, it would have to be the month after. But that's okay. April is actually a very busy month for me so it would potentially be difficult to schedule scans around my work commitments. Again, I obviously hope it doesn't come to that, but I guess I'm more of a realist than an optimist.
So now the two week wait begins again. I've scheduled my progesterone blood test with my GP for next Thursday. The clinic also gave me two pregnancy tests and the date to take them on. I'll probably do the same thing as last time and start with my Ebay ones until the day I'm supposed to take them according to the clinic. But maybe I'll use the extra one they gave me for the day before.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
TWW 1 - Day 7 and flu is a great distraction
So it's one week today from my IUI and I'm at home for the second day after coming down with some sort of horrid flu/cold on Saturday which has completely taken me out of commission. Of course my very first problem was that I was not able to turn to my trusted drugs of choice. In fact I was convinced I could take no drugs at all and I wasn't in a good enough state to do any google research. Just looking at my phone was difficult. So I sweated it out with a reasonably high fever for a day and a half. Then I managed to text/talk to a good friend who has done numerous fertility treatments and is well versed in all things pregnancy. She said I could take some Tylenol. So I started taking half dose Tylenol which I think helped a little. But still, I've been so sick that I'm not at work.
I think I'll go tomorrow, but instead of cycling in I might take a taxi. Especially if it's still raining like it is today. Part of the reason is that I have a progesterone test scheduled with my GP to ensure ovulation occurred. I mean, I took a trigger shot, so there's no real reason to think ovulation didn't occur. But that's fine. It's a good excuse to go back to work.
I will say that being dreadfully ill was a good way not to obsess about whether I might be pregnant or not. It was also a good way to lose half a stone in two days from barely eating. I wouldn't say I'd recommend it in principle.
Of course now that I'm feeling better I'm convinced that I can't possibly be pregnant. I don't feel anything, or rather, I'm feeling the after effects of having been ill and I don't notice anything that might be a pregnancy feeling. Two people who knew that I was trying this cycle gently asked if it might be morning sickness. All I have to say is, that if morning sickness was anything like that, no one would get pregnant ever. Seriously. But no. My landlords are here and they both got sick one after the other and then me. The virus took us out one at a time but it was clearly that and not anything else.
Then of course I also worry that having gotten sick in this critical time it would ruin any chance of actually getting pregnant or somehow interfere. Not there there would have been anything I could have done otherwise. I did manage to drag myself to acupuncture on Saturday, which could have been a mistake. But I wanted to complete the treatment for this cycle. My acupuncturist was very positive about my pregnancy chances, but then what is she going to say? She also said that lots of women get colds and flues when pregnant which I do think I've read a bit about so maybe although it's miserable for me it doesn't have much to do with the pregnancy chances. At any rate, my feelings on acupuncture are still much the same in that I'm not convinced it really does anything, but I know it doesn't hurt me. So it's fine to add it to the mix. I guess the thing is, right now I'm sort of sure I'm not pregnant. But I do have an entire other week of waiting.
When I was sick I wasn't really eating so I wasn't taking my per-conception vitamins but I've managed to get back on that today. I'm sure that 3 days missed is not going to be the end of the world. Especially as I'd been good about taking them somewhat regularly. When I go back to work there should be a delivery of some pregnancy tests that I ordered online. The clinic only gave me one which they want me to do on the 11th even though my period is due on the 9th. From some of my internet reading it suggests you could start testing a bit earlier and I'm not sure I can wait all that long. So I bought some tests to give me the option. This will also let me 'save' the one the clinic gave me for the right day without the urge to use it sooner.
I think I've had some new readers stop by from the Donor Conception Network single women's mailer. If so, welcome and do feel free to start up a dialogue on the comments. I've really only just started engaging with forums although I've been thinking about this and reading up on it for some time. I've learned some interesting things from the SMC forums related to donor sperm which perhaps would have been useful before I made my choice, but then again, maybe not. I might reflect on that in a later post.
Meanwhile, I'm off to make more lemon/ginger/honey tea.
I think I'll go tomorrow, but instead of cycling in I might take a taxi. Especially if it's still raining like it is today. Part of the reason is that I have a progesterone test scheduled with my GP to ensure ovulation occurred. I mean, I took a trigger shot, so there's no real reason to think ovulation didn't occur. But that's fine. It's a good excuse to go back to work.
I will say that being dreadfully ill was a good way not to obsess about whether I might be pregnant or not. It was also a good way to lose half a stone in two days from barely eating. I wouldn't say I'd recommend it in principle.
Of course now that I'm feeling better I'm convinced that I can't possibly be pregnant. I don't feel anything, or rather, I'm feeling the after effects of having been ill and I don't notice anything that might be a pregnancy feeling. Two people who knew that I was trying this cycle gently asked if it might be morning sickness. All I have to say is, that if morning sickness was anything like that, no one would get pregnant ever. Seriously. But no. My landlords are here and they both got sick one after the other and then me. The virus took us out one at a time but it was clearly that and not anything else.
Then of course I also worry that having gotten sick in this critical time it would ruin any chance of actually getting pregnant or somehow interfere. Not there there would have been anything I could have done otherwise. I did manage to drag myself to acupuncture on Saturday, which could have been a mistake. But I wanted to complete the treatment for this cycle. My acupuncturist was very positive about my pregnancy chances, but then what is she going to say? She also said that lots of women get colds and flues when pregnant which I do think I've read a bit about so maybe although it's miserable for me it doesn't have much to do with the pregnancy chances. At any rate, my feelings on acupuncture are still much the same in that I'm not convinced it really does anything, but I know it doesn't hurt me. So it's fine to add it to the mix. I guess the thing is, right now I'm sort of sure I'm not pregnant. But I do have an entire other week of waiting.
When I was sick I wasn't really eating so I wasn't taking my per-conception vitamins but I've managed to get back on that today. I'm sure that 3 days missed is not going to be the end of the world. Especially as I'd been good about taking them somewhat regularly. When I go back to work there should be a delivery of some pregnancy tests that I ordered online. The clinic only gave me one which they want me to do on the 11th even though my period is due on the 9th. From some of my internet reading it suggests you could start testing a bit earlier and I'm not sure I can wait all that long. So I bought some tests to give me the option. This will also let me 'save' the one the clinic gave me for the right day without the urge to use it sooner.
I think I've had some new readers stop by from the Donor Conception Network single women's mailer. If so, welcome and do feel free to start up a dialogue on the comments. I've really only just started engaging with forums although I've been thinking about this and reading up on it for some time. I've learned some interesting things from the SMC forums related to donor sperm which perhaps would have been useful before I made my choice, but then again, maybe not. I might reflect on that in a later post.
Meanwhile, I'm off to make more lemon/ginger/honey tea.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
IUI 1 - Insemination
Here I am at the clinic waiting for my taxi to take me back to work. Is this for real?? Holy shit. I'm back to feeling terrified. But also skeptical, incredulous, in denial, etc. I'm feeling a lot, but I can't put my finger on any one particular feeling. Really it's a bit overwhelming and then all of the sudden at the same time it's so overwhelming I can't think about it at all.
I did the trigger last night at 6pm. Managed to not open one of the glass vials very well and it made a bit of a mess as when the top came off it crushed. But it was okay. I started to get a bit freaked out about the timing of the trigger versus the timing of the insemination today as they were scheduled for 20 hours apart. On the internet, which you should never read for medical advice, there are so many women freaking out about the timing of these two things. Basically the trigger starts the ovulation process, but it takes time. Both the egg and sperm have certain lifespans and ideally you want those things to match up. When I did egg freezing, the procedure was 35 hours after the trigger (I think) so this sort of freaked me out and I went for the earliest time they told me. However, I asked the doctor about this at the procedure and she was extremely reassuring about success rates of 20 hour versus 35 hour (which is to say, they're basically the same) and that they believe they don't want to miss the egg window so better to go early. Fine by me.
Anyway, I took a taxi to the clinic from work. They told me to be here at 1:45 and of course I was early. But they were running late. So I didn't go in until probably 2:15. No one else was in the recovery room and I had a cubicle to myself. Jeans and underwear came off and a hospital robe went on the front. I got to hold it together at the back which is always fun. The doctor and trainee doctor came in and explained the procedure. I think it took longer to explain then do!
We went into the procedure room and I got on the table. The lead doctor had an ultrasound on my tummy to watch the procedure and try to see the ovary. She couldn't see the follicle, which could mean it already started to release, or she just couldn't see it from that angle. The trainee doctor put in the speculum and cleaned the womb entrance with sterile water. A tiny catheter was put into the womb and then the embryologist passes over the prepared sperm. This was connected to the catheter, injected, and all was done! The catheter was so tiny I didn't have any cramping at all. Not like the Hycosi at all. In fact, I didn't even know the catheter was inserted.
Now the waiting begins. Since the egg may or may not be released yet, there is still some time (say, 24 hours) for it even to become fertilized. Then it takes some time to properly implant. I need a progesterone test in a week to verify l ovulated, although I can't imagine I didn't. Then they gave me a home pregnancy test to take on the 11th of March. This is actually a bit more than 2 weeks which sort of sucks. I'm sure the waiting is going to be emotionally taxing.
But really, as the doctor said, that's all there is to it. She made an effort to express to me that there is pretty much nothing I can do at this point that will change the outcome. She said, if I have a doubt about something, I shouldn't do it. But not because it will make a difference, but more because it will make a difference to how I feel and my stress levels. She said to keep taking vitamins and wait.
So that's pretty much all I can do....
In the meantime, assuming this cycle doesn't work, I asked about when I could order the drugs for the next cycle. They said to call on the first day of my period if it starts and hopefully I could get the drugs and come in for a scan on day 4. So.... obviously there's a much greater likelihood that this will be the case as opposed to the alternative.
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