IVF 1 - Day 31 8dp6dt 4w3d

This morning, my cheap Ebay test strip had a faint squinter line visible on it.  The First Response test was again positive.  Looks like hCG levels must be rising, and so far I'm positive.  At 4 weeks 3 days it's still very early.  It's 14 days past ovulation.  There's a lot that can go wrong in the next few weeks.

I can't believe it yet.  I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy.  I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps.  But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.

I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me.  I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be.  Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided.  I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments.  If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it.  I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard).  I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.

However, a positive test is a positive test.  So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.

Holy shit.

I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result.  I'm not a superstitious kind of person.  In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy.  First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is.  The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents.  Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want!  And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus.  So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong.  And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.

IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt

Still negative this morning.  Still no period.

I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately.  I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK.  Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure.  I still assume it will be negative.  I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k.  Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!

Budget update:

Previous total	£12588
Private beta hCG blood test	£134
New total	£12722

IVF 1 - Day 29 6dp6dt

Another day, another negative.  I am finding this wait much harder than the IUI wait because I know there was a fertilized embryo there.  With IUI you don't know if the sperm ever met the egg, if it fertilized or what.  But this is different.  And definitely more difficult.

Online reading is unhelpful.  A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested).  On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt).  This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison.  However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test.  Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test.  But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test).  I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time.  So maybe longer hCG buildup time?

Still, the waiting is awful.  I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower.  But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in.  Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost?  I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it.  Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it.  I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?

I don't know.  My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign.  Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period.  My last cycle was particularly late I think.  So it's not currently a useful indicator.  It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.

For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.

Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work.  I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch.  I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.

TWW 2 - Day 15 ugh

I'm pretty sure it's my period.  But a very strange period.  So maybe there was some nonviable action going on in my uterus.  My period hasn't started properly but it's like a start stop bit of smudge, bit of color, then nothing, then something then nothing.  I'm feeling a bit crampy though.  And all tests are negative.  Including the one I took this morning which was a clinic test.  The clinic wants the official test to be tomorrow.  Which is fine.  But I have no reason to think this is anything other than my period.  I will test tomorrow to confirm, and be waiting for my period to arrive properly.  Then it's a month off before starting my first IVF cycle.  Ho hum.

TWW 2 - Day 14 confuzzled

Firstly, I got the days wrong on the last two posts so have edited them.  I think that's right now.  This makes today day 15 post IUI.  If I had my IUI two weeks ago on a Wednesday and today is Wednesday, then that's right.

This makes my current situation with what is coming out of my vagina even more confusing.  According to what I got from the clinic, my period is due tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a 28 day cycle.  Now it is not uncommon for me to get some light colored discharge right before my period.  On the other hand, my cycle has really not been 28 days in the past 7 months.  Only once did it come in 28 days and is usually 30.  So this would be very early.

This morning there was some pinkish mucus looking tinge on the toilet wipe but no discernible period blood.  I put on a pad and have gone about my morning.  Toilet break at almost noon and the wipe is clear.

On the other hand, pregnancy test this morning, which is supposedly sensitive to 10mIU (which should mean an early detection) was negative.  All my tests so far have been negative.

So is it my period or is it not my period?!

I meant to use one of the tests the clinic gave me instead of the Ebay ones this morning but I forgot.  Tomorrow morning I will remember.  This is horrible.

TWW 2 - Day 13 nerve wracking

I just got back from a 2 day workshop.  At the workshop I managed to have a tiramisu (before remembering it has coffee in it), a sip of wine, and a cup of tea.  Meanwhile I'm thinking I can't possibly be pregnant because everything is negative so far.  I just got home, went to the toilet, and had some funny spotting.  So now I'm wondering if that is implantation bleeding and maybe I am pregnant?  Of course the first thing I did was to take another pregnancy test, which came up negative.  So I've scoured the internet for what it says about how many days past implantation bleeding do people get positive tests and how many days past ovulation is implantation bleeding normal.  Ugh!!  Part of me wants to be convinced that it's nothing.  But it's too early for my period and there's no reason for me to have any sort of colored discharge.  It's very light and minor, so sort of seems exactly what they say implantation bleeding is like....

Hello, mental bomb.

I just.....

Fuck!  I read someone saying on the internet that they didn't get a positive pregnancy test until 3 days after bleeding.  It's definitely too early for my period, by like 3-4 days and that's according to the clinic, my period tends to come a bit later.

Maybe tomorrow morning I'll use of the two pregnancy tests the clinic gave me.  I want to be hopeful but I've been so convinced that this was definitely a cycle that hasn't worked.  Now I don't know what to think.  Well, I do know what to think, I know I need to sit tight and wait and test when I'm supposed to.

And stop slipping up with caffeine, etc! 

TWW 2 - Day 11 so far negative

I know it's still early and the chance of false negatives is still around 30%.  However, it is more unlikely at this point that this cycle has been successful.  I will continue to test daily up until when the clinic said to (still five days away).  I'm starting to feel a bit disappointed.  On the other hand, if this cycle has really been usuccessful I'm actually sort of looking forward to moving on to IVF as it will give a much better picture about what's going on.  For example, if none of my eggs fertilize (assuming they get any) then that's information I just don't have now.  To be honest, I've had two IUIs in my entire life.  That means I've tried to get pregnant exactly twice.  Even if I was with a partner and we were going the natural route this wouldn't be shocking, especially at my age.  And is certainly no indication of likely success.  It's just a little bit different when you're paying for every cycle and watching it so carefully I guess.  Anyway, this cycle isn't over yet, so I'll finish it out obviously and then go on from there.

TWW 2 - Day 8 testing testing

Took my first pregnancy test this morning and it was negative.  However, this means pretty much close to nothing.  I'm glad I can start testing, but the likelihood of a useful result is minuscule.  I also went to my GP for my progesterone blood test.  Like last time, it seems my clinic neglected to request the test, so the GP had no record of it.  Luckily I knew what I was there for, and they were happy to do it.  I also asked if there had been anything from the results of the first post IUI progesterone test, and the nurse saw the note in my file that said it was all normal, no further action.  I sort of assume this will be the same.  None of the tests I've been having have flagged up any worrying numbers on anything.  I seem to be healthy and in normal ranges for my age, etc.

Still feeling a bit melancholy about this whole trying business.  It's probably a good thing to get a short break between this cycle and starting IVF (if that is indeed the case).  One month where I don't have to think about it too much.  And where I could have a cheeky drink!

It would be so amazing/exciting/thrilling/terrifying/fantastic/unbelievable if I was pregnant.  I'm just finding that I'm convincing myself that this isn't possible.  I know it's totally possible.  I am not so old.  My numbers are not so bad.  Lots of people just get pregnant naturally and here I am having medical help!  This is completely doable and in that sense, the odds are in my favor.

But it's a crummy process that really just takes a lot out of you.  Worse I think if you are doing it all on your own.  I do have friends I can talk to, but I don't talk to them all the time, and it's not what I want to be talking to them about all the time either.  This is pretty much a solo effort and so it also falls to me to do most of the damage control.

I'll be glad when I know about this cycle for certain.

TWW 2 - Day 7 mulling

Tomorrow morning I can take my first pregnancy test (day 8).  I have no physical indications that I am or may be pregnant.  I know that it's early and many or even most women don't.  I think I am feeling that this cycle can't possibly have worked.  Reading around online, considering my age, I wonder if I've just left it all too late.  Not in the sense that I could have really done anything differently.  I'm just discouraged by the statistics of a woman my age getting pregnant, and carrying to term.  It is also not helpful, as I think I've mentioned before that I'm on an online forum of those trying to conceive to become single mothers.  I see these women posting on their 8th IUI or 4th IVF.  I mean, on the other hand, there are women reporting pregnancies after their first or second IUI or their first IVF.  But then they move on to one of the other boards (about pregnancy for example) leaving the bulk of the commentators women who have so far been unsuccessful. The thing is, on that particular forum, the majority are trying and statistically that means most are not getting pregnant.  So while  it's helpful to have camaraderie, it can also be discouraging.  And of course as discussed in the previous post, even though I can take a pregnancy test tomorrow, it's really very early and not a good indicator.  I'm so close to knowing.... I'm only just speculating.  I don't know why the final bit of waiting this time seems to be the hardest!!

TWW 2 - Day 5

Waiting waiting waiting waiting.  It's so annoying.  I'm still thinking about it a lot, but maybe not quite as much as the first time.  I think maybe that's because I feel like it won't work.  This is of course tempered by my wondering if any small feeling in my uterus area might be a sign that something is working.  But overall, I think I've mostly convinced myself that I won't get pregnant this time.  Which will of course make it all the more shocking if it turns out I am.  Only three more days before I can start early testing.  Although of course on day 8 there is a 67% chance of a false negative, so it's not at all a good sign.  But it's the first day that I feel I can start testing on.  Then one a day until the day I'm supposed to.  By day 10 for example, the chance of a false negative drops to 33%.  I just find it helpful to feel like I can be doing something. 

I also need to remember to go to the GP on Thursday for a progesterone test.  I'm not entirely sure why I need to get this test for an IUI.  I'm not even sure anyone looked at it the first cycle.  At least at my GP they mostly manage to get my blood out on the first try.  I think I may have sorted out part of the reason for the problem at the clinic though.  I usually cycle to the clinic and when I cycle for more than 15 minutes, I tend to lose circulation in my hands (my fingers go numb).  So I wonder if this isn't related to why they have trouble getting blood out there.  Not that there's much I can do about it!

Anyway.  I don't have much to say here at the moment.  Just getting on with normal life things trying not to think about if I might be pregnant while I wait for the day I can start testing.

IUI2 - Day 10 moody

I seem to have come down with a malaise. I'm feeling quite moody and this has me questioning my decisions. Well, not really questioning my decisions in a virulent way. But more questioning everything. Is this the right path? Will I be a good mom? Am I crazy for trying this? The unknown is a scary place. This is why people often stick with the devil they know. I'm no different. I've certainly spent large portions of my life on 'the comfortable path'. But I've also jumped into the complete unknown on more than one occasion. Usually guided by clarity of purpose. Because that tends to override any lingering doubts or fears. I guess in some ways that's how this is for me. I feel very certain that pursuing single motherhood is the right decision. But perhaps because it's a timely process with no guarantees, it leaves me a bit more time than usual to think about it. In the past the major life decision upheavals I've made have been on a much shorter timescale (although no less disruptive). Moving to another city? Moving to another country? Deciding which graduate schools to go to? Undertaking a PhD? I know that I will adapt to whatever my new situation is. But I guess sometimes, when I'm feeling discouraged and scared, it all seems a bit overwhelming. How will I cope? What if I hate being a mother? Part of it is also the fear of doing it all alone. Who will I turn to? Who can I rely on? I know that I will have help from various sources- both family and friends. But ultimately it's just going to be me. I'm scared I'm not ready. I'm scared it will happen. I'm scared it won't happen. I have no idea if this is related to the low dose of hormones (Gonal F) I've been injecting now for 2 months. It's certainly not PMS- it's the wrong time. I think part of this is also about the boyfriend. He was over yesterday/last night. And that was all fine. But we don't really talk about the baby plan because it causes upset. He did watch me inject. He just doesn't ask any questions and I stick to keeping him informed of the basics. I don't feel like I can talk about my emotions with him without him thinking about how it affects him. If I say I'm scared of doing it alone, he could turn around and say that I am rejecting him as a person to do it with. To be fair, I'm not at all sure he would say that at all, but it's probably what keeps me from talking to him about it. It highlights that I'm doing it separate from him which I know is a point of upset for him. So I just don't. I think also living here in Cambridge.... it's not where my good friends are. The problem is, my closest friends aren't in any one place anymore. There's a couple in London, a couple in Manchester, one is in South Africa, one is moving to Australia at the end of this month, one is in Sheffield, one is in Norfolk, some are in New York. My village is global. Which is great for other reasons. But right now, living here, in a city which isn't my first choice, it feels lonely. I don't have a large base of friends here. The friends I do have are not so close that I want to have an emotional dump with them. Meh. I'm just feeling blah at the moment. I'm sure it will pass. In the meantime, scan tomorrow morning and this will hopefully determine when the trigger is. This IUI cycle seems to have gone incredibly fast. Shame that the two week wait won't, I'm sure!

TWW 1 - Day 15 still negative

With every day and another negative test it seems more and more certain that I am not pregnant this cycle.  According to my clinic, my period should arrive tomorrow.  Although because my cycle is irregular, that would be a bit early for it, but I suppose it's still possible.  They also mentioned that it might be later due to having done the IUI although I'm not sure why that would be the case.   They want me to take their pregnancy test on Friday so I've been saving that one.  The ones I've been taking I got in bulk via Ebay.

I'm ready to go to the next cycle and put this one behind me.  I am of course disappointed it appears to not have worked, but maybe less traumatized than I could have been.  I have been thinking though whether it would be better to do fresh IVF or go straight to my frozen eggs.  The reason to do fresh IVF would be that I'm still producing eggs and to keep the frozen ones as the last resort.  On the other hand, right now all I can think is that I want one baby, so isn't my best chance to use my frozen eggs?

I think I should probably stick to the original plan and this is maybe a way that my disappointment is expressing itself.  Generally in my head I keep thinking that I'm too old to get pregnant with my current eggs.  But this is not a particularly sensible way to think.  One cycle hardly means anything at all.

TWW 1 - Day 7 and flu is a great distraction

So it's one week today from my IUI and I'm at home for the second day after coming down with some sort of horrid flu/cold on Saturday which has completely taken me out of commission.  Of course my very first problem was that I was not able to turn to my trusted drugs of choice.  In fact I was convinced I could take no drugs at all and I wasn't in a good enough state to do any google research.  Just looking at my phone was difficult.  So I sweated it out with a reasonably high fever for a day and a half.  Then I managed to text/talk to a good friend who has done numerous fertility treatments and is well versed in all things pregnancy.  She said I could take some Tylenol.  So I started taking half dose Tylenol which I think helped a little.  But still, I've been so sick that I'm not at work.

I think I'll go tomorrow, but instead of cycling in I might take a taxi.  Especially if it's still raining like it is today.  Part of the reason is that I have a progesterone test scheduled with my GP to ensure ovulation occurred.  I mean, I took a trigger shot, so there's no real reason to think ovulation didn't occur.  But that's fine. It's a good excuse to go back to work.

I will say that being dreadfully ill was a good way not to obsess about whether I might be pregnant or not.  It was also a good way to lose half a stone in two days from barely eating.  I wouldn't say I'd recommend it in principle.

Of course now that I'm feeling better I'm convinced that I can't possibly be pregnant.  I don't feel anything, or rather, I'm feeling the after effects of having been ill and I don't notice anything that might be a pregnancy feeling.  Two people who knew that I was trying this cycle gently asked if it might be morning sickness.  All I have to say is, that if morning sickness was anything like that, no one would get pregnant ever.  Seriously.  But no.  My landlords are here and they both got sick one after the other and then me.  The virus took us out one at a time but it was clearly that and not anything else.

Then of course I also worry that having gotten sick in this critical time it would ruin any chance of actually getting pregnant or somehow interfere.  Not there there would have been anything I could have done otherwise.  I did manage to drag myself to acupuncture on Saturday, which could have been a mistake.  But I wanted to complete the treatment for this cycle.  My acupuncturist was very positive about my pregnancy chances, but then what is she going to say?  She also said that lots of women get colds and flues when pregnant which I do think I've read a bit about so maybe although it's miserable for me it doesn't have much to do with the pregnancy chances.  At any rate, my feelings on acupuncture are still much the same in that I'm not convinced it really does anything, but I know it doesn't hurt me.  So it's fine to add it to the mix.  I guess the thing is, right now I'm sort of sure I'm not pregnant.  But I do have an entire other week of waiting. 

When I was sick I wasn't really eating so I wasn't taking my per-conception vitamins but I've managed to get back on that today. I'm sure that 3 days missed is not going to be the end of the world.  Especially as I'd been good about taking them somewhat regularly.  When I go back to work there should be a delivery of some pregnancy tests that I ordered online.  The clinic only gave me one which they want me to do on the 11th even though my period is due on the 9th.  From some of my internet reading it suggests you could start testing a bit earlier and I'm not sure I can wait all that long.  So I bought some tests to give me the option.  This will also let me 'save' the one the clinic gave me for the right day without the urge to use it sooner.

I think I've had some new readers stop by from the Donor Conception Network single women's mailer.  If so, welcome and do feel free to start up a dialogue on the comments.  I've really only just started engaging with forums although I've been thinking about this and reading up on it for some time.  I've learned some interesting things from the SMC forums related to donor sperm which perhaps would have been useful before I made my choice, but then again, maybe not.  I might reflect on that in a later post.

Meanwhile, I'm off to make more lemon/ginger/honey tea.

TWW 1 - Day 3

How can it only be day 3?  This is ridiculous.  My brain has scrambled over all of the possible permutations and my emotions are being tossed about like a little dinghy on a rough sea.  What if I am?  What if I'm not?  Of course I'm not.  I'll probably never be.  What if I am?  Repeat.

I've joined a couple of forum/discussion group things which are both helpful and unhelpful.  Unhelpful because I now see a cadre of women pursuing single motherhood; and, because of how the boards are broken down I'm in the 'Trying to Conceive' group.  Once a woman is pregnant, she may move to the pregnancy discussion boards.  This means the women in 'Trying to Conceive' are all, well, trying to conceive.  And that some have been at it for quite some time.  I see women who have had 6 IUI or more and numerous IVF attempts and frozen embryo transfers.  This is perhaps a bit disheartening as I've only had one measly IUI.  Of course those who have moved on may not have as many tries, but they aren't on the boards I'm tending to read at the moment.

Then in reading older posts, I saw someone had posted a link to an article that talks about how after you turn 35, the likelihood of embryos with abnormal chromosomal numbers increased regularly.  So of course since I'm 41 this was also disheartening and made me think that there is simply no chance that this is going to work at all.

But then I was on Facebook and I saw that a number of people I know who are similarly aged to me have babies.  So it's not so unusual among my peer group to be late 30's, early 40's and be having your first child.

As I said, this is only day 3 for fuck's sake.

I'm already trying to determine how it will work to immediately start the next cycle.  According to the clinic, my period is due on the 9th of March (if it's coming).  They want me to take a pregnancy test regardless of bleeding on the 11th of March.  I am unfortunately away from home on the 10th, 11th, and 12th.  This means that it may not be possible for me to arrange a drug delivery in time, or go for my first scan in time to start the next cycle for March.  If my period comes later than the 9th, for example on the 10th or 11th, I could go for a scan on Monday the 14th which will be day 4 or 5 of that cycle.  I could also call in advance so the drugs are delivered to my office on that Monday and be set to inject that evening.  However, if my period starts on the 9th, Monday will be day 6 and I think this is too late for the first scan, although obviously I will check with the clinic.  So I'm hoping that, assuming this cycle has not been successful, my period sticks to it's somewhat longer schedule and comes a bit later in that week and not earlier as I don't really want to delay by a month.  But obviously I will if I have to.

Wouldn't it all be so much easier (for any number of reasons) if this first cycle actually worked?  Wouldn't that be amazing??

But, it probably hasn't.

IUI 1 - Insemination

Here I am at the clinic waiting for my taxi to take me back to work. Is this for real?? Holy shit. I'm back to feeling terrified. But also skeptical, incredulous, in denial, etc.  I'm feeling a lot, but I can't put my finger on any one particular feeling.  Really it's a bit overwhelming and then all of the sudden at the same time it's so overwhelming I can't think about it at all.

I did the trigger last night at 6pm. Managed to not open one of the glass vials very well and it made a bit of a mess as when the top came off it crushed.  But it was okay.  I started to get a bit freaked out about the timing of the trigger versus the timing of the insemination today as they were scheduled for 20 hours apart.  On the internet, which you should never read for medical advice, there are so many women freaking out about the timing of these two things.  Basically the trigger starts the ovulation process, but it takes time.  Both the egg and sperm have certain lifespans and ideally you want those things to match up.  When I did egg freezing, the procedure was 35 hours after the trigger (I think) so this sort of freaked me out and I went for the earliest time they told me.  However, I asked the doctor about this at the procedure and she was extremely reassuring about success rates of 20 hour versus 35 hour (which is to say, they're basically the same) and that they believe they don't want to miss the egg window so better to go early.  Fine by me.

Anyway, I took a taxi to the clinic from work. They told me to be here at 1:45 and of course I was early. But they were running late. So I didn't go in until probably 2:15. No one else was in the recovery room and I had a cubicle to myself.  Jeans and underwear came off and a hospital robe went on the front.  I got to hold it together at the back which is always fun. The doctor and trainee doctor came in and explained the procedure. I think it took longer to explain then do!

We went into the procedure room and I got on the table. The lead doctor had an ultrasound on my tummy to watch the procedure and try to see the ovary. She couldn't see the follicle, which could mean it already started to release, or she just couldn't see it from that angle. The trainee doctor put in the speculum and cleaned the womb entrance with sterile water. A tiny catheter was put into the womb and then the embryologist passes over the prepared sperm. This was connected to the catheter, injected, and all was done!  The catheter was so tiny I didn't have any cramping at all.  Not like the Hycosi at all.  In fact, I didn't even know the catheter was inserted.

Now the waiting begins.  Since the egg may or may not be released yet, there is still some time (say, 24 hours) for it even to become fertilized.  Then it takes some time to properly implant.  I need a progesterone test in a week to verify l ovulated, although I can't imagine I didn't.  Then they gave me a home pregnancy test to take on the 11th of March.  This is actually a bit more than 2 weeks which sort of sucks.  I'm sure the waiting is going to be emotionally taxing.

But really, as the doctor said, that's all there is to it. She made an effort to express to me that there is pretty much nothing I can do at this point that will change the outcome.  She said, if I have a doubt about something, I shouldn't do it.  But not because it will make a difference, but more because it will make a difference to how I feel and my stress levels.  She said to keep taking vitamins and wait.

So that's pretty much all I can do....

In the meantime, assuming this cycle doesn't work, I asked about when I could order the drugs for the next cycle.  They said to call on the first day of my period if it starts and hopefully I could get the drugs and come in for a scan on day 4.  So.... obviously there's a much greater likelihood that this will be the case as opposed to the alternative.