IUI 2 - Day 8 Scan 2

Had my second scan this morning. It looks like there are two follicles growing- one was 12mm and the other was 11. There were a bunch more that were much smaller. I don't think I mentioned that when I had my scan on Monday there were about 12 follicles as opposed to the first IUI cycle when there were about 6 or 7. So I'm intrigued that I might have two growing for this IUI cycle. I really do not want multiples, but given the high chances of chromosomal abnormalities in eggs of women my age, having 2 eggs would be pretty cool. I go back for a third scan on Monday and I suspect that I will trigger either Monday or Tuesday nights with the IUI on Tuesday or Wednesday. Until then, it's 75 of Gonal-F every night. The nurse who did my scan was very positive. I don't think they're just blowing smoke up my ass, I mean, what would be the point? But she said that my numbers looked great and the ovary looked great and was overall, very positive. We talked a bit about my fertility and she was enthusiastic that I was following a good protocol given where all of my numbers were at. So that made me feel good. I tell you what, it's funny how much quicker the stimulating goes than the two week wait!! In other news, it took them 4 tries to get blood out of me which was a little bit annoying. For some reason the nurses at the clinic are struggling with my veins. My GP doesn't have as much trouble and usually gets it on the first try but at the clinic it's always at least 2 tries and sometimes more. Today they ended up taking it out of the back of my hand (tried there twice!). The nurse who did the scan said that if my scan on Monday looked good and my blood today looked good, then they wouldn't need to take blood again on Monday because all of my results so far have been completely normal and fine and so there's no reason to think it wouldn't be on Monday. They can just make a determination based on the scan. So that's good. Yesterday I had a chance to hold my friend's 8-week old baby. We were in a coffee shop and there was another couple with a 5-week old baby! They're so little!! Although the 8-week old was noticeably bigger than the 5-week old. They do grow fast. It's hard to imagine that I might end up with one of those - even though it's the goal. It's impossible to think that far ahead in the process. Right now all I can think about are follicles and scans. Then it will be the IUI procedure and then the long two week wait with the hope of seeing some faint line appear on a stick. Actual babies just seem so far removed from the now.

IUI 2 - Day 6 Budget update

Just a quick one to update the budget since I've paid for this IUI cycle.  Apparently my clinic says the price is the same if you get one Pregnyl or two which made no sense to me.  But, whatever.  I guess I should have asked for 2 then since I paid the same!  But never mind.  Last night I was out to a concert so I had to do my injection in the restaurant toilet.  Good thing my clinic gave me a handy little carry bag with a sharps-tube for used needles to later dispose in the correct bin.  It came in handy!

Previous total	£5472
IUI Inclusive Fee	£638
900 Gonal-F + 1 Pregnyl	£380
New total	£6490

IUI 2 - Day 5

Got the call from the clinic late yesterday that my blood results were good so I was all set to start injecting for cycle 2.  Yesterday and tonight I do 150 Gonal F and then it drops to 75.  My next scan is Friday.  Like last time, I suspect the trigger will be Monday.  In fact, I think I'm on the same basic schedule?

The one thing that's driving me nuts is that I'm still sick.  The flu I had a couple of weeks ago has settled into some sort of head/sinus infection.  My ears are blocked, I'm blowing out fluorescent snot and I'm coughing a lot.  This is all bad timing and I don't know how this low-grade illness effects my fertility chances.  I'm sure it's not helping.

I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow afternoon which conflicts with something in my diary which is frustrating.  I need to see if I can get that changed and then work from home the rest of the afternoon.  It should be okay.  Just a stressful period which is not helped by this never ending illness.

On the other hand, I'm sure I'm not doing myself any favors by doing all the things I would otherwise want to do which has involved travelling around the country a bit, going to a workshop last night, and going to a concert tonight.

Bleh.

One Cycle Ends, Another Begins

So I took the clinic pregnancy test on Friday and it was negative.  Additionally, my period basically started on the Thursday night, so cycle one was unsuccessful.  On the plus side, with my period not starting until Friday really, this was perfect timing to start the new cycle. 

I called my clinic on Friday morning because they ask you to report the result of the pregnancy test, plus, I wanted to immediately get going on IUI 2.  This would require me to order the drugs so they are ready for me on Monday.  Unfortunately, no one answered the phone at my clinic and I was forced to leave a message detailing the result of the pregnancy test, and my intentions to start cycle 2.  By 3pm, no one had called me back and I was about to go into a 2-hour meeting which meant I couldn't get in touch with them until Monday.  So with 5 minutes to my meeting I managed to get through and schedule a scan for Monday morning.  However, there wasn't enough time to get the drug order sorted.  The nurse indicated I would be able to buy the Gonal-F at the clinic on Monday.  I really hope this is the case and it's not somehow more expensive for the inconvenience.  Because it's not my fault they were too busy to get to their phone messages.

In the meantime, I've recently read It Starts with the Egg which was recommended on some of the forums I'm now frequenting.  It was an interesting read and has made me think about making a few changes to my current routine.  I was already taking conception vitamins but I think I'm going to add some CoQ10 to my routine.  I'm also looking at replacing some of the plastic food storage containers I use with glass to help reduce my exposure to BPA.  I figure that these are things I can do relatively easily, and that are not going to hurt me.  Similar to acupuncture.  There is a lot of discussion online about DHEA and in this instance I would not start taking it without my clinic's approval and probably some testing.

So how am I feeling with one failed cycle?  Disappointed of course.  Although I started to address that as my negative pregnancy tests kept coming in so that the final one wasn't such a shock.  Maybe a little bit panicked based on how much money I have and how long I feel I can realistically give this a try.  I found myself thinking I should go straight to the frozen eggs and stop fucking around.  I'm pretty sure this was a direct response to feeling like it's just not going to work with my current 'old' eggs due to this cycle not working.  But those eggs are not going anywhere and my current eggs could work.  I think I need to try one more IUI as planned, and then one fresh IVF and then see how all that goes.  If the clinic suggests going to the frozen at that point, then fine.  But it won't be a knee-jerk reaction to things not going as desired.

It's entirely possible that this is going to be an expensive year that doesn't result in a baby at all.  But it's far too early in the process to be thinking that way.  One failed IUI which only had a 6% success rate is not the thing to be basing the entire journey on.  And hey, based on my very poor understanding of how to add odds, by doing two IUI, each at a 6% success rate, the chance of one of them working is 12%, so that's a bit more hopeful for the second one, huh?

TWW 1 - Day 15 still negative

With every day and another negative test it seems more and more certain that I am not pregnant this cycle.  According to my clinic, my period should arrive tomorrow.  Although because my cycle is irregular, that would be a bit early for it, but I suppose it's still possible.  They also mentioned that it might be later due to having done the IUI although I'm not sure why that would be the case.   They want me to take their pregnancy test on Friday so I've been saving that one.  The ones I've been taking I got in bulk via Ebay.

I'm ready to go to the next cycle and put this one behind me.  I am of course disappointed it appears to not have worked, but maybe less traumatized than I could have been.  I have been thinking though whether it would be better to do fresh IVF or go straight to my frozen eggs.  The reason to do fresh IVF would be that I'm still producing eggs and to keep the frozen ones as the last resort.  On the other hand, right now all I can think is that I want one baby, so isn't my best chance to use my frozen eggs?

I think I should probably stick to the original plan and this is maybe a way that my disappointment is expressing itself.  Generally in my head I keep thinking that I'm too old to get pregnant with my current eggs.  But this is not a particularly sensible way to think.  One cycle hardly means anything at all.

TWW 1 - Day 11 and two negatives

It's 11 days past IUI and I've taken my second pregnancy test which was also negative. The first I took yesterday. I got some cheap ones off eBay which means I can take one a day and do the one the clinic gave me on the day they said. I don't think this cycle has worked although this is early testing and still possible to get false negatives. A positive would be meaningful at this stage, a negative less so.

But realistically, this cycle is probably a negative. So the next question is when will my period appear to plan for the next one? I wrote previously about the timing issue for this cycle. I think the best thing would be for my period to come late. That will just be easier.

TWW 1 - Day 7 and flu is a great distraction

So it's one week today from my IUI and I'm at home for the second day after coming down with some sort of horrid flu/cold on Saturday which has completely taken me out of commission.  Of course my very first problem was that I was not able to turn to my trusted drugs of choice.  In fact I was convinced I could take no drugs at all and I wasn't in a good enough state to do any google research.  Just looking at my phone was difficult.  So I sweated it out with a reasonably high fever for a day and a half.  Then I managed to text/talk to a good friend who has done numerous fertility treatments and is well versed in all things pregnancy.  She said I could take some Tylenol.  So I started taking half dose Tylenol which I think helped a little.  But still, I've been so sick that I'm not at work.

I think I'll go tomorrow, but instead of cycling in I might take a taxi.  Especially if it's still raining like it is today.  Part of the reason is that I have a progesterone test scheduled with my GP to ensure ovulation occurred.  I mean, I took a trigger shot, so there's no real reason to think ovulation didn't occur.  But that's fine. It's a good excuse to go back to work.

I will say that being dreadfully ill was a good way not to obsess about whether I might be pregnant or not.  It was also a good way to lose half a stone in two days from barely eating.  I wouldn't say I'd recommend it in principle.

Of course now that I'm feeling better I'm convinced that I can't possibly be pregnant.  I don't feel anything, or rather, I'm feeling the after effects of having been ill and I don't notice anything that might be a pregnancy feeling.  Two people who knew that I was trying this cycle gently asked if it might be morning sickness.  All I have to say is, that if morning sickness was anything like that, no one would get pregnant ever.  Seriously.  But no.  My landlords are here and they both got sick one after the other and then me.  The virus took us out one at a time but it was clearly that and not anything else.

Then of course I also worry that having gotten sick in this critical time it would ruin any chance of actually getting pregnant or somehow interfere.  Not there there would have been anything I could have done otherwise.  I did manage to drag myself to acupuncture on Saturday, which could have been a mistake.  But I wanted to complete the treatment for this cycle.  My acupuncturist was very positive about my pregnancy chances, but then what is she going to say?  She also said that lots of women get colds and flues when pregnant which I do think I've read a bit about so maybe although it's miserable for me it doesn't have much to do with the pregnancy chances.  At any rate, my feelings on acupuncture are still much the same in that I'm not convinced it really does anything, but I know it doesn't hurt me.  So it's fine to add it to the mix.  I guess the thing is, right now I'm sort of sure I'm not pregnant.  But I do have an entire other week of waiting. 

When I was sick I wasn't really eating so I wasn't taking my per-conception vitamins but I've managed to get back on that today. I'm sure that 3 days missed is not going to be the end of the world.  Especially as I'd been good about taking them somewhat regularly.  When I go back to work there should be a delivery of some pregnancy tests that I ordered online.  The clinic only gave me one which they want me to do on the 11th even though my period is due on the 9th.  From some of my internet reading it suggests you could start testing a bit earlier and I'm not sure I can wait all that long.  So I bought some tests to give me the option.  This will also let me 'save' the one the clinic gave me for the right day without the urge to use it sooner.

I think I've had some new readers stop by from the Donor Conception Network single women's mailer.  If so, welcome and do feel free to start up a dialogue on the comments.  I've really only just started engaging with forums although I've been thinking about this and reading up on it for some time.  I've learned some interesting things from the SMC forums related to donor sperm which perhaps would have been useful before I made my choice, but then again, maybe not.  I might reflect on that in a later post.

Meanwhile, I'm off to make more lemon/ginger/honey tea.