Pre IVF consultation

I had my pre IVF consultation with my clinic this afternoon.  I went there thinking I had a perfectly reasonable plan which has been encouraged both by my egg freezing doctor (way back when) and by the first doctor I saw at this clinic.  This was, mainly, to do a fresh IVF cycle and save my frozen eggs as a last resort.

This plan was immediately questioned by the doctor I met to have my consultation with.  It was the same doctor who did my Hycosi although that was the only time I've met with him previously.  He thought I should be going straight to my frozen eggs as this would give me the best chance of success at this stage.  Now, the reason for not using the frozen eggs straight away was if I am fertile now, that gives me an option for the future, if I want one.  I don't at the moment think I want one.  I think that one child would be all I want.  But I liked the idea of holding something in reserve.  However, the doctor was really surprised and encouraged me to not put my body through IVF when I could use frozen eggs.  So this threw my thinking completely out. I held firm at first, and then as we kept talking I started questioning myself.

In addition to this confusion, he was looking at my file and saying that I needed to attend the 'information session' as a matter of policy.  Now, way back when, when I started treatment they said I had to do the information session.  Then, when I explained I'd done egg freezing and was pretty well versed in the fertility sphere, they said I didn't have to.  But apparently now I do have to.  So I got scheduled in to attend an information session where I strongly doubt I will learn anything new.  In addition to this hoop jumping, he informed me that I also needed a consultation with a counselor about the implications of using donor sperm.  I don't mind meeting with a counselor, but again, I feel fairly well versed in the implications of using donor sperm and am in fact this weekend going to a conference hosted by the DCN - so I will jump through this hoop but it annoyed me.

Anyway, back to the consultation.

So the doctor relented that ultimately it was my decision but it was clear he didn't think I should be doing fresh IVF to start.  He was also saying that a lot of things had to happen to start the cycle so I couldn't just assume I could start with my period in May which stressed me out.  He then saw me getting stressed and tried to convey that staying calm through all this is helpful for getting pregnant. In the meantime, I'm thinking to myself that I understand where he's coming from but he's not being particularly helpful in ensuring that I am calm because he's causing all sorts of disruptions to things that I thought were reasonably fixed!

So as we're discussing it back and forth, and he's making me feel not so great by commenting that if I only got 6,4, and 3 eggs on my egg freezing cycles that my chances for IVF retrieval at this stage were not so great, he mentions that I could consider doing a fresh IVF cycle and also at the same time defrosting half of the frozen eggs to increase my chances of having one or two viable embryos.  Now this sounded better to me.  First, because I can plan to start the IVF cycle in May and now it's really about getting in touch with my London clinic to arrange the transfer of my eggs to Cambridge and having them in place for this to happen.  It also allows me to save half of the frozen eggs for a second try either immediately if this doesn't work, or in the future possibly.  So I think out of the 13 frozen eggs I have, I may suggest they start by defrosting 6 for this cycle.  Those will need to be fertilized with ICSI, and they can be watched alongside anything that may be retrieved from the fresh cycle.

So it's a slightly different plan but one I actually feel reasonably good about.  I am also going to email the embryologist to see what would happen for example, if the 6 don't defrost or fertilize for some reason, would there be time to defrost the other 7 in this cycle (I actually have no idea how long it takes to defrost an egg although I assume not so quickly).  This means I am now waiting for them to price up this option and the drugs costs and then I can order my drugs and schedule a counselling session and attend the information evening and be all set to start my IVF drugs on day 2 of my period.

Phew.

So a good result in the end that I have a plan and it's all systems go.  But really more stressful than it needed to be and a bit of a kick from a doctor who was clearly trying to tell me that he didn't think my odds were so great being over 40.  But anyway, I'll see what I get fresh, and I'll give some of those frozen eggs a chance and we'll see where we get to.

But first I need to call my old clinic and see about getting those eggs transferred to Cambridge.  I'm sure I'll need to sign a release or some such even though I will never actually see these eggs and it will all be done clinic to clnic.  The UK is very strict on fertility issues!  So much paperwork.

Anyway, it seems like more updates will be on the way as the planning progresses.

Planning for IVF

Just a quick note to say that I've scheduled my consultation appointment for next week to sign all the paperwork I need to do to have an IVF cycle.  I'll then need to order drugs in time to start with my next period which should be early May.  They said they don't do a birth control start as they have found that slightly diminishes success rates.  So that's fine by me!

I realize through this process that I'm actually very open with people about what I'm going through.  This means that I have people asking me about how things are going or have gone.  I don't really find this upsetting though.  Part of me thinks I should.  But I guess it helps me see my support network.  And no one is offensive about it.  Part of me feels like it's better to have that support that keep it all to myself.  Although funny enough when my mother gets in touch to ask me about it, that annoys me.  Ha!  Mothers and daughters.

I'm sort of looking forward to an IVF cycle.  While I'm disappointed the IUIs didn't work, with an IVF cycle I feel I'll have much more information on my current fertility chances and better knowledge of exactly what's going on.  I obviously hope it's successful, but if not, then it may be time to use those frozen eggs.  But that's still one IVF cycle away at least.  So hold that thought.

This month I'm enjoying a bit of freedom and the free dinners I have this week which include free wine.  Not overkill mind you.  But then I've never been a huge drinker.  Anyway, more from me next week after this consultation unless something else of interest occurs to me.

Cycle 2 ends, a month off

Definitely my period.  The official test was negative, bleeding continues although still a bit oddly albeit steadily.  I need to give my clinic a ring and let them know and schedule the consultation to begin IVF on my next period.  So one month off.  I'm sure it will go quickly.  In the meantime I had a nice glass of wine last night because I could.

I'm sad the IUIs didn't work.  However, I'm sort of looking forward to an IVF cycle as I will then have a lot more information about what's happening.  I suppose we'll see how the cycle goes and if it's a complete bust, perhaps move straight on to the frozen eggs.  Anyway, one thing at a time.  At least now I won't be having a Xmas/New Years baby.  I always think that sort of sucks birthday wise.

So many decisions on this journey seem monumental to make, only to find that the result is a lot of 'stuff' (time, etc) you maybe didn't expect and that certainly slow any sort of real progress.  Or at least not consciously.  It seemed like such a big deal to decide to try, and now getting pregnant seems like an impossible hurdle.  And I've only tried two cycles!!

TWW 2 - Day 15 ugh

I'm pretty sure it's my period.  But a very strange period.  So maybe there was some nonviable action going on in my uterus.  My period hasn't started properly but it's like a start stop bit of smudge, bit of color, then nothing, then something then nothing.  I'm feeling a bit crampy though.  And all tests are negative.  Including the one I took this morning which was a clinic test.  The clinic wants the official test to be tomorrow.  Which is fine.  But I have no reason to think this is anything other than my period.  I will test tomorrow to confirm, and be waiting for my period to arrive properly.  Then it's a month off before starting my first IVF cycle.  Ho hum.

TWW 2 - Day 14 confuzzled

Firstly, I got the days wrong on the last two posts so have edited them.  I think that's right now.  This makes today day 15 post IUI.  If I had my IUI two weeks ago on a Wednesday and today is Wednesday, then that's right.

This makes my current situation with what is coming out of my vagina even more confusing.  According to what I got from the clinic, my period is due tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a 28 day cycle.  Now it is not uncommon for me to get some light colored discharge right before my period.  On the other hand, my cycle has really not been 28 days in the past 7 months.  Only once did it come in 28 days and is usually 30.  So this would be very early.

This morning there was some pinkish mucus looking tinge on the toilet wipe but no discernible period blood.  I put on a pad and have gone about my morning.  Toilet break at almost noon and the wipe is clear.

On the other hand, pregnancy test this morning, which is supposedly sensitive to 10mIU (which should mean an early detection) was negative.  All my tests so far have been negative.

So is it my period or is it not my period?!

I meant to use one of the tests the clinic gave me instead of the Ebay ones this morning but I forgot.  Tomorrow morning I will remember.  This is horrible.

TWW 2 - Day 13 nerve wracking

I just got back from a 2 day workshop.  At the workshop I managed to have a tiramisu (before remembering it has coffee in it), a sip of wine, and a cup of tea.  Meanwhile I'm thinking I can't possibly be pregnant because everything is negative so far.  I just got home, went to the toilet, and had some funny spotting.  So now I'm wondering if that is implantation bleeding and maybe I am pregnant?  Of course the first thing I did was to take another pregnancy test, which came up negative.  So I've scoured the internet for what it says about how many days past implantation bleeding do people get positive tests and how many days past ovulation is implantation bleeding normal.  Ugh!!  Part of me wants to be convinced that it's nothing.  But it's too early for my period and there's no reason for me to have any sort of colored discharge.  It's very light and minor, so sort of seems exactly what they say implantation bleeding is like....

Hello, mental bomb.

I just.....

Fuck!  I read someone saying on the internet that they didn't get a positive pregnancy test until 3 days after bleeding.  It's definitely too early for my period, by like 3-4 days and that's according to the clinic, my period tends to come a bit later.

Maybe tomorrow morning I'll use of the two pregnancy tests the clinic gave me.  I want to be hopeful but I've been so convinced that this was definitely a cycle that hasn't worked.  Now I don't know what to think.  Well, I do know what to think, I know I need to sit tight and wait and test when I'm supposed to.

And stop slipping up with caffeine, etc! 

TWW 2 - Day 11 so far negative

I know it's still early and the chance of false negatives is still around 30%.  However, it is more unlikely at this point that this cycle has been successful.  I will continue to test daily up until when the clinic said to (still five days away).  I'm starting to feel a bit disappointed.  On the other hand, if this cycle has really been usuccessful I'm actually sort of looking forward to moving on to IVF as it will give a much better picture about what's going on.  For example, if none of my eggs fertilize (assuming they get any) then that's information I just don't have now.  To be honest, I've had two IUIs in my entire life.  That means I've tried to get pregnant exactly twice.  Even if I was with a partner and we were going the natural route this wouldn't be shocking, especially at my age.  And is certainly no indication of likely success.  It's just a little bit different when you're paying for every cycle and watching it so carefully I guess.  Anyway, this cycle isn't over yet, so I'll finish it out obviously and then go on from there.