This morning, my cheap Ebay test strip had a faint squinter line visible on it. The First Response test was again positive. Looks like hCG levels must be rising, and so far I'm positive. At 4 weeks 3 days it's still very early. It's 14 days past ovulation. There's a lot that can go wrong in the next few weeks.
I can't believe it yet. I don't feel anything at all to indicate there is something growing inside of me. Last night and this morning I had a bit of spotting and last night I felt crampy. I don't know if that was from the excitement, the spotting, or actual cramps. But this morning still positive tests, and no cramping, so okay.
I went for the private blood test I paid for this morning and it took her two tries to get it out of me. I have no idea when I'll get the results or what the results will actually be. Having already paid for this test and taken it, it could very well be a 'yes you are pregnant' or 'no you are not pregnant' sort of test with no actual beta hCG numbers provided. I am beyond frustrated with my inability to get beta hCG blood tests here the way everyone else seems to have as standard as part of fertility treatments. If I was in London, this would be very easy as I see a lot of the fertility clinics offer it. I've already written to my clinic here in Cambridge suggesting they make it an optional add-on (or just make it standard). I never heard anything back from my GP who I contacted and offered to pay for it myself.
However, a positive test is a positive test. So right at this moment, I am pregnant, although we have a long way to go before there is a baby.
Holy shit.
I've told most people who know that I'm trying about the early result. I'm not a superstitious kind of person. In fact I'm against most of the 'secrecy' and 'careful' aspects of early pregnancy. First of all, if I get upset because I miscarry, I want to be able to talk to people who know me and care about me. Secondly, we need to stop freaking women out that they can control miscarriage and it's their fault if they exercise wrong or bend over funny or whatever it is. The uterus is incredibly good at guarding it's contents. Think about how hard it is to get rid of a baby that you don't want! And yet we freak out women that if they sneeze funny, they could damage or lose the fetus. So I'm going to tell people what's going on with me and continue to go to yoga and ride my bike to work, and what have you. And I will talk to people about things if they go wrong. And I'm sure I'll put stuff here as well.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 30 7dp6dt
Still negative this morning. Still no period.
I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately. I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK. Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure. I still assume it will be negative. I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k. Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!
Budget update:
I found a way to get a beta hCG test privately. I will plan to go tomorrow which will be 14dpo and which seems the standard test day for everyone else getting fertility treatments not in the UK. Except mine costs money. However, I think it's worth it just to know for sure. I still assume it will be negative. I'm also waiting for the bill from the clinic for the laser assisted hatching and blastocyst freezing which should be around another £1k. Money is spilling through my fingers like water I tell you!
Budget update:
| Previous total | £12588 |
| Private beta hCG blood test | £134 |
| New total | £12722 |
Monday, June 6, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 29 6dp6dt
Another day, another negative. I am finding this wait much harder than the IUI wait because I know there was a fertilized embryo there. With IUI you don't know if the sperm ever met the egg, if it fertilized or what. But this is different. And definitely more difficult.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Online reading is unhelpful. A lot of women get early results, so start to see things as early as 9 days past ovulation (or in my case, 3dp6dt, and the first day I tested). On the forum I'm on, this was the case for one of the women who started to see positives pretty fast (4dp5dt). This of course makes me feel particularly negative by comparison. However, my friend who was once pregnant with twins said she only got a super faint line the day she was supposed to test. Although I don't know if that was the first day she tested or the first time she got a positive test. But looking online, it does seem a lot of people still only start to see a positive day 14/15/16 (16 is my official test). I could also look to the fact that everything about my body seems to go slower than average- longer stimulation time, longer embryo development time. So maybe longer hCG buildup time?
Still, the waiting is awful. I'm also not pleased that it's not standard in the UK to do a beta hCG blood test which is apparently completely common in North America for people doing fertility treatments. I can understand not doing it for IUI because the odds are much lower. But with an embryo transfer, you know that something went in. Even if it was an add-on, how much would that blood test cost? I can't believe it would cost very much and I would totally pay for it. Actually I'm going to see if my GP will let me pay for it. I have no idea if you can pay your GP to do a blood test they wouldn't usually cover, but again, how much could that possibly be?
I don't know. My period hasn't arrived either, which would obviously be a big sign. Although this is day 29, and that would be early for my period. My last cycle was particularly late I think. So it's not currently a useful indicator. It's also not clear if the progesterone/Cyclogest might delay your period. I don't think it delays it indefinitely but it could set it back, so again, not helpful.
For the record, I still think in my heart I'm not pregnant, I would just really like to know something for sure so I can move on from this place.
Now I really wish I'd tested out the trigger shot, just to see if those sticks work. I could give in to the madness and go buy a better pregnancy test at lunch. I don't know why I find that a problematic choice when it seems to clearly be what I should go do.
Sunday, June 5, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 28 5dp6dt
Three days of testing, three negative tests. Still early for sure, but getting less early. I was in the pharmacy yesterday and was tempted to buy a brand name early response test as opposed to my eBay sticks. In the end I didn't, mainly because they had a buy one get one free but only one left. I might go back today to see if they restocked, or I could just keep doing what I'm doing. The outcome won't change, although my awareness might.
I feel nothing at all physically. The progesterone/cyclogest is going fine and I've taken them regularly, 8am & 8pm. The vaginal itching seems to have subsided, thankfully!!
Based on nothing but three too early tests and a lack of feeling anything physical at all, I think the transfer didn't stick and I am not pregnant. But I will obviously keep going, with the official clinic provided test on Friday. Just starting to prepare mentally for the disappointment. At least I have three embryos on ice.
Friday, June 3, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 26 3dp6dt
I peed on a stick this morning and it was negative. But it's only a little stick, and it's only 9 days past ovulation or 3 days past my 6 day transfer. Meaning, I don't think it means anything at the moment. My clinic wants me to test on 16 days past ovulation or 10dp6dt. So I'm a bit away from that and testing now is very early and inconclusive. But it gives me something to do in the morning at least.
Because there is nothing else to do about this. Just wait. Wait wait wait. I don't physically feel anything at all, which also means pretty much nothing. Some people do swear up and down they get various 'signs' they are pregnant but plenty of people don't. Really it's just all about the waiting.
If this cycle is not successful, then I will at some point have a period, and I believe I can start prepping for a frozen embryo transfer the period after the next one. So if I am not successful there will be a gap of a month before I can start again.
I just want to know.... it's hard to be patient!
Because there is nothing else to do about this. Just wait. Wait wait wait. I don't physically feel anything at all, which also means pretty much nothing. Some people do swear up and down they get various 'signs' they are pregnant but plenty of people don't. Really it's just all about the waiting.
If this cycle is not successful, then I will at some point have a period, and I believe I can start prepping for a frozen embryo transfer the period after the next one. So if I am not successful there will be a gap of a month before I can start again.
I just want to know.... it's hard to be patient!
Thursday, June 2, 2016
IVF 1 - Day 25 Sharing
I've started to pass this blog address off to a few people I know. I'd already shared it with one or two, but now maybe it's five or six. It's a useful way for me to keep people updated without them having to ask how everything is going, and for me to provide more detail then I may do in a conversation.
Of course there are people I don't want to pass it off to at the moment- mainly my mother and the boyfriend. Because these are both things I may occasionally want to talk about, which would then make this a restrictive space.
So it's a fine line- who to share with and who not to share with. Overall I'm a pretty open person, and there's very little in here I wouldn't share with anyone else.
It's interesting because becoming a single mother is by definition a solo process. But none of us live in isolation. And realistically, it is those same single mothers who also by definition come to depend on their network or village for support- emotional particularly, but other kinds as well, that they will need.
I know that if I am successful I will need my village. So why not start now?
In other news there is no news. Today is technically day 8 past ovulation, so around the earliest I could pee on a stick and maybe start to see anything at all (although still very unlikely even if I'm lucky enough to be pregnant). But it's incredibly early, and I don't know how that works with a day 6 transfer so I didn't. Tomorrow though, I might.
Of course there are people I don't want to pass it off to at the moment- mainly my mother and the boyfriend. Because these are both things I may occasionally want to talk about, which would then make this a restrictive space.
So it's a fine line- who to share with and who not to share with. Overall I'm a pretty open person, and there's very little in here I wouldn't share with anyone else.
It's interesting because becoming a single mother is by definition a solo process. But none of us live in isolation. And realistically, it is those same single mothers who also by definition come to depend on their network or village for support- emotional particularly, but other kinds as well, that they will need.
I know that if I am successful I will need my village. So why not start now?
In other news there is no news. Today is technically day 8 past ovulation, so around the earliest I could pee on a stick and maybe start to see anything at all (although still very unlikely even if I'm lucky enough to be pregnant). But it's incredibly early, and I don't know how that works with a day 6 transfer so I didn't. Tomorrow though, I might.
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