I'm not sure that I had very strong opinions about breastfeeding or bottle feeding before I had a baby. Sure I thought, "I'll give breastfeeding a go. If it doesn't work I'll bottle feed. It doesn't matter." And the reality is, when it comes to feeding your baby, it DOESN'T matter. But I was able to breastfeed, and I enjoyed it, so that's what we've done.
I'm not sure that I had very strong opinions about how long a woman should breastfeed before I had a baby that I was breastfeeding. But I do know that I sort of had the idea that once they were on food and more mobile, it was probably time to stop breastfeeding. Well, that thinking is pretty much out the window. MJ is almost 13 months and although I am very much limiting our breastfeeding time now, I am not giving it up.
Basically, I'm moving us to a position where I do not breastfeed during the day. Up until this week, when I arrived at nurser, the first thing I would do was to get MJ, sit in the chair in the corner specifically for this purpose and breastfeed her. But I'm a little bit tired of doing this, and I realize that she's not going to give it up voluntarily. She doesn't NEED that feed, she just enjoys it whereas I find it makes our going home journey just that much longer and move involved. I can leave nurser quicker if we are not feeding.
And so the past few days this week, when I've gone to nursery, I've grabbed her stuff, talked to her key worker about how her day was, and we've left. We get home, we do dinner, and then we do her bedtime which now involves a slightly longer feed then she's been getting- because I let her feed off both breasts (she only ever did one at a time) for up to 10 minutes each and then I put her in her crib.
At night, I'm trying to get her to give up wake ups and night feeds, so I'm reducing the 10 minute feed to 8 minutes (and when she gets used to that, it will drop to 7, then 6, etc.). But in the morning, provided she wakes up at a semi-reasonable time, I give her both breasts again for a nice feed. My goal would be for us to do morning and night, and for her to drop those of her own accord.
Although this is all thought through in a logical sort of way, I haven't been prepared for this twang I get about reducing the breastfeeding. We're not even giving it up!! But it makes me feel sad and wistful. It's interesting, because if you bottle feed your baby, you can keep doing that. You form a bond around a bottle which could become a cup, which makes that special relationship perhaps last longer. When we're done with breast, then we're going to be done and that's just over. If MJ sits on my lap for a cuddle in the future and drinks from a cup, it won't be the same or even close to the same.
It will be lovely of course, but different. Ah, growing babies. It goes so fast!!
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Monday, March 5, 2018
1y0m23d : Ignoring milestones
It is impossible not to compare your child to other children. MJ is completely developmentally normal. She has not excelled in any particular area, but she is also not behind. She pulls to stand and cruises, but she is not walking yet. She makes an assortment of noises, and some are very close to being words for things (pretty sure we have 'quack quack' going for ducks and birds) but doesn't really have words or sounds that are clearly specific. And she is otherwise an engaging, curious, and regular toddler.
Of course then I see on some forum that someone's doctor said that by one year their child should have 3-4 words. And on this bog standard site that if your child isn't standing independently by 11 months they'll perform worse at age 4 than those that do. It's hard not to let little concerns creep in, although I'm generally good at ignoring them. I get why we need milestones, but maybe they should be 'if your child hasn't done x,y,z by this date, you need to see your doctor' which would remove the average from the discussion. Because an average is exactly that, an average!
Of course then there's research like this which suggests its the later social-emotional skills of your 4 year old that have a greater impact on their adult well being.
In my NCT of 8, where all the babies were born within 6 weeks of each other, we currently have 3 walkers. None of which are the oldest two (of which MJ is one) and I think only one with clear words, although I could be wrong there. So, as I said, developmentally normal. Not ahead, not behind. Sometimes for your own sanity, I think it's important to ignore the milestones.
Of course then I see on some forum that someone's doctor said that by one year their child should have 3-4 words. And on this bog standard site that if your child isn't standing independently by 11 months they'll perform worse at age 4 than those that do. It's hard not to let little concerns creep in, although I'm generally good at ignoring them. I get why we need milestones, but maybe they should be 'if your child hasn't done x,y,z by this date, you need to see your doctor' which would remove the average from the discussion. Because an average is exactly that, an average!
Of course then there's research like this which suggests its the later social-emotional skills of your 4 year old that have a greater impact on their adult well being.
In my NCT of 8, where all the babies were born within 6 weeks of each other, we currently have 3 walkers. None of which are the oldest two (of which MJ is one) and I think only one with clear words, although I could be wrong there. So, as I said, developmentally normal. Not ahead, not behind. Sometimes for your own sanity, I think it's important to ignore the milestones.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
1y0m12d : Nursery germs are real
Oh my god. Why so many germs? How can we have so many colds? It's relentless! One after the other after the other. I know it could be worse- that MJ could have had ear infections or chest infections or things that require greater intervention. Mostly she just pours snot out of her nose and occasionally squeezes some out of her eyes if it's particularly bad.
But why do I have to get all the colds as well? I'm a socialized human adult who has interacted with any number of germs in my lifetime. It seems tremendously unfair. I am currently suffering from one of the worse colds so far in that my sinuses are completely stuffed up. Because I'm still breast feeding, you aren't really supposed to take decongestants. Although I've been told this is because it can dry up milk, and I'm not actually so worried about that at this point.
But honestly. It's just dreadful. I'm trying to be thankful for the small things- like, how glad I am that when I leave work it's still daylight, and when I leave nursery, it's not pitch black. These things make me happy.
But so does breathing. Spring and warm weather really can't come soon enough as far as I'm concerned!!
But why do I have to get all the colds as well? I'm a socialized human adult who has interacted with any number of germs in my lifetime. It seems tremendously unfair. I am currently suffering from one of the worse colds so far in that my sinuses are completely stuffed up. Because I'm still breast feeding, you aren't really supposed to take decongestants. Although I've been told this is because it can dry up milk, and I'm not actually so worried about that at this point.
But honestly. It's just dreadful. I'm trying to be thankful for the small things- like, how glad I am that when I leave work it's still daylight, and when I leave nursery, it's not pitch black. These things make me happy.
But so does breathing. Spring and warm weather really can't come soon enough as far as I'm concerned!!
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
T minus 4 Days Until First Birthday
Can you believe it? I certainly can't. Where does the time go??!!
I am in some ways incredibly sad that I have been unable to keep up with this blog to document MJ's first year of life. It's been an incredible whirlwind. So much has happened. Now it all seems like a beautiful blur.
I do say that overall I find I handle motherhood and life well, but the reality is that something has got to give. For me it's been my home (which is a tip), and things like this blog- things that used to fill my personal time. Also in this category are knitting, reading, cooking, tidying, and shopping.
I wouldn't change it for anything.
So what can I say that could in any way cover the gap from my last post? MJ will officially be a toddler on Saturday, although she is not yet toddling. She does want to stand up all the time. She's getting much better at pulling herself up to it, and has take a few tentative shuffles but is not yet confidently cruising.
I'm back at work full-time which also means my personal time is limited. Although I'm writing this at work, so what does that tell you? The adjustment wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. MJ was 7 months old when I returned to work half time for one month and 8 months old when I returned to work full time. I think it was a very good time for this to happen as she was becoming an inquisitive, busy and active baby as opposed to a snuggly stay put newborn. So nursery was a great environment for her to explore new people, new toys, new things. I could not be happier with our nursery arrangement.
As an interesting side note, one thing I'm very thankful for is that in MJ's nursery class of 14 in total, there are 2 children (including MJ) with only a mom (and a donor) and 1 child with two moms. How cool is that? That means all of these children will grow up thinking that alternate families are just normal, and no child is isolated in that way.
And work is very stimulating and accommodating. I loved maternity leave. But I also love my job. I love that I am proud of what I do and feel I will be a good role model for my daughter. I also love that for the most part, my job has a very good work life balance, which my previous career path did not. It feels like many things have fallen into place, and I'm happy to just focus on being a mother and doing my job. Things are set up to allow me to just... thrive in the environment I've created. I think that's just a fantastic gift that I've given myself. The space to just be and experience the life I've shaped. I never want to take that for granted.
So maybe I should just post this now, so there is some sort of update. Work is busy, but maybe I can have this as a little procrastination thing, and update a little more often.
I am in some ways incredibly sad that I have been unable to keep up with this blog to document MJ's first year of life. It's been an incredible whirlwind. So much has happened. Now it all seems like a beautiful blur.
I do say that overall I find I handle motherhood and life well, but the reality is that something has got to give. For me it's been my home (which is a tip), and things like this blog- things that used to fill my personal time. Also in this category are knitting, reading, cooking, tidying, and shopping.
I wouldn't change it for anything.
So what can I say that could in any way cover the gap from my last post? MJ will officially be a toddler on Saturday, although she is not yet toddling. She does want to stand up all the time. She's getting much better at pulling herself up to it, and has take a few tentative shuffles but is not yet confidently cruising.
I'm back at work full-time which also means my personal time is limited. Although I'm writing this at work, so what does that tell you? The adjustment wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. MJ was 7 months old when I returned to work half time for one month and 8 months old when I returned to work full time. I think it was a very good time for this to happen as she was becoming an inquisitive, busy and active baby as opposed to a snuggly stay put newborn. So nursery was a great environment for her to explore new people, new toys, new things. I could not be happier with our nursery arrangement.
As an interesting side note, one thing I'm very thankful for is that in MJ's nursery class of 14 in total, there are 2 children (including MJ) with only a mom (and a donor) and 1 child with two moms. How cool is that? That means all of these children will grow up thinking that alternate families are just normal, and no child is isolated in that way.
And work is very stimulating and accommodating. I loved maternity leave. But I also love my job. I love that I am proud of what I do and feel I will be a good role model for my daughter. I also love that for the most part, my job has a very good work life balance, which my previous career path did not. It feels like many things have fallen into place, and I'm happy to just focus on being a mother and doing my job. Things are set up to allow me to just... thrive in the environment I've created. I think that's just a fantastic gift that I've given myself. The space to just be and experience the life I've shaped. I never want to take that for granted.
So maybe I should just post this now, so there is some sort of update. Work is busy, but maybe I can have this as a little procrastination thing, and update a little more often.
Saturday, June 3, 2017
3 months 24 days - So many changes
First, I am sad that I haven't been keeping track of things here. I can't believe how quickly a baby grows and changes. People say to treasure the moments but before you know it, your sleepy delicate little newborn is much more of a baby and somehow got twice as big before you noticed!
MJ and I are doing great. Maternity leave is awesome. I mean really awesome. I love that my only responsibility is to take care of her. We have three more months of this and then I'll be going back to work when she is just about 7 months. To the Europeans among the readers this will seem early and to the Americans it will seem extravagant. I"m lucky to have both perspectives- so I can feel lucky to have this amazing amount of time with my daughter. But I also have the other perspective and I am not looking forward to handing her over to daycare and getting back to work.
On the upside, I have been offered a place at one of the University nurseries which is great. It's subsidized, so there's that, but it's actually just an awesome nursery with an 'outstanding' Ofsted rating. I went to visit it and I was actually looking forward to MJ being old enough that I could bring her for real. So that's good.
It's really hard for me to understand that I am a mother and what that means. Right now I just sort of exist, happily, day to day. I don't know that I can identify the ways in which I feel any different. Instead, it's been a rather seamless transition from not being a mother, to being one. I suppose these are matters for the future. I don't have to think about it much right now, because I exist in this pleasant limbo of time off of my 'real' life. I suspect things will change when I try to balance work with motherhood, but right now I don't have to worry about it.
Okay. I'll try to delve into topics of specific interest in the future, but just thought I'd update. Out of curiosity, and if any reader has an opinion, this bog was titled 'attempting' single motherhood before I knew it was going to happen. Should I start a new blog about being a mother or is that silly?
MJ and I are doing great. Maternity leave is awesome. I mean really awesome. I love that my only responsibility is to take care of her. We have three more months of this and then I'll be going back to work when she is just about 7 months. To the Europeans among the readers this will seem early and to the Americans it will seem extravagant. I"m lucky to have both perspectives- so I can feel lucky to have this amazing amount of time with my daughter. But I also have the other perspective and I am not looking forward to handing her over to daycare and getting back to work.
On the upside, I have been offered a place at one of the University nurseries which is great. It's subsidized, so there's that, but it's actually just an awesome nursery with an 'outstanding' Ofsted rating. I went to visit it and I was actually looking forward to MJ being old enough that I could bring her for real. So that's good.
It's really hard for me to understand that I am a mother and what that means. Right now I just sort of exist, happily, day to day. I don't know that I can identify the ways in which I feel any different. Instead, it's been a rather seamless transition from not being a mother, to being one. I suppose these are matters for the future. I don't have to think about it much right now, because I exist in this pleasant limbo of time off of my 'real' life. I suspect things will change when I try to balance work with motherhood, but right now I don't have to worry about it.
Okay. I'll try to delve into topics of specific interest in the future, but just thought I'd update. Out of curiosity, and if any reader has an opinion, this bog was titled 'attempting' single motherhood before I knew it was going to happen. Should I start a new blog about being a mother or is that silly?
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
1 month 5 days - Settling in to the whirlwind
** I just noticed I put this post on the wrong blog!! So I've moved it to here. I am going to try and do some occasional posting and get back into it... motherhood really is a crazy whirlwind!!
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I don't get much time to type on the computer so updates are unfortunately going to be a bit slow. I've been working on my 'birth story' post in chunks. It's going to be a very long post, so I thought in the meantime I'd post an update here.
Motherhood is excellent. MJ is a relatively easy going baby at almost 5 weeks old. She changes so fast though! In the hospital I was already missing being pregnant and incredibly conscious of how precious each day was with her because she is growing so quickly! Newborn babies don't do very much. They're so little and delicate and lovely. And you are swimming with hormones that make it all the more intense.
The hormones have somewhat abated now and MJ is entering into her first 'wonder week' meaning she is more awake, more alert, and more of a growing person. It's also lovely and fascinating, but it's different. And all of it is passing in a strange haze of endless days at home, of breast feeding, diaper changes, sleep, and a bit of television.
My mom has been here for 3 weeks, so there is one more week to go. It's been okay with her here for the most part. Although she's changed all of one diaper....
Ah, see how this works- MJ is crying, and the boob bar needs to open. More later when I get a chance!
______________________________________________________
I don't get much time to type on the computer so updates are unfortunately going to be a bit slow. I've been working on my 'birth story' post in chunks. It's going to be a very long post, so I thought in the meantime I'd post an update here.
Motherhood is excellent. MJ is a relatively easy going baby at almost 5 weeks old. She changes so fast though! In the hospital I was already missing being pregnant and incredibly conscious of how precious each day was with her because she is growing so quickly! Newborn babies don't do very much. They're so little and delicate and lovely. And you are swimming with hormones that make it all the more intense.
The hormones have somewhat abated now and MJ is entering into her first 'wonder week' meaning she is more awake, more alert, and more of a growing person. It's also lovely and fascinating, but it's different. And all of it is passing in a strange haze of endless days at home, of breast feeding, diaper changes, sleep, and a bit of television.
My mom has been here for 3 weeks, so there is one more week to go. It's been okay with her here for the most part. Although she's changed all of one diaper....
Ah, see how this works- MJ is crying, and the boob bar needs to open. More later when I get a chance!
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
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